Quandary Need Opinion/ Advice

In My Humble Opinion
1

I work for older retired people who for whatever reason, some have checked out of reality. This is hard to discuss.

Anyway I’ll call her Ann, late seventies, widowed, not real close with her daughter. Right now she is staying with me. I went to the fire department and told them her circumstances.

Her home is unfit for living. Serious hoarding, the whole house is covered in catshit Water was turned off. AC is broken. Pure filth everywhere.

There is a pile of underwear with excrement piled in corner of bathroom.

I took pictures and I have to talk with the sheriff and the HHMR. She doesn’t know that I know how bad it is. I have told her she needs get her AC fixed and she hired someone to fix the plumbing issues. They called me when they saw the inside of her home.

I’m sitting here crying, knowing how she was living. She asked me last summer if she could stay with me til her AC got fixed.

She can’t live in there it’s bad. I just don’t know where or how to proceed from here. I guess I’m in shock.

Any advice.

2

I’d notify the daughter. Close or not, she should know what’s going on.

3

No idea what HHMR is but in the town where my parents live, the local government has a “senior services” department. That sort of agency may be able to offer advice or assistance.

4

What geographic region are you in? State? County?

5

Concur.

6

She hasn’t checked out of reality. She’s just doing the best she can, with what little she has.

The filthy underwear? She’s elderly; her bowels may not work well, if at all … and you said she had plumbing problems, which I assume means washing laundry became problematic. But she’s been trained all her life not to just throw something away, especially if it’s simply dirty and will become perfectly usable again if cleaned. So … she can’t wash her undies, and she “can’t” (e.g. feels she shouldn’t) throw them in the trash. What else she gonna do? She didn’t leave them strewn about randomly - heavens, dear, she wasn’t raised in a barn! - so she piles them in one designated spot as neatly as shit-caked fabric can possibly be.

Simple solution? Disposable adult diapers … but don’t call them that. They make designs now that are pretty and colorful, and allow for the comfortable mental fiction of pretending that they’re still just normal undies. She just needs to understand that they can’t be washed, so no need to bother worrying about them, into the trash bin each one goes.

The cat shit? Well, cats shit whether your arthritis lets you clean it up or not. If these are beloved companions, then she wouldn’t just boot them out & leave herself with no furry friends, right? But, they gonna shit. One possible solution could be the gift of an automatic cat litter box, that scoops itself. Not cheap … but cheaper than a nursing home, and without the emotional cost of giving up her pets.

I guarantee most, if not all, of what you see can be explained in ways that don’t necessarily mean she’s checked out of reality. She’s just facing problems she’s never encountered before, or is too tired/weak/achy to deal with as she usually did.
See if there are solutions that might minimize upheavals in her life.

You are a saint, to look out for your customers/clients like this.

7

Don’t be sad. You’re doing a great thing bringing her to your house.
Do call the daughter. Be firm with her. This is her responsibility. Maybe she can get her Mom is some kinda assisted living place. She obviously doesn’t need to be alone in a disaster zone.
You’re a good person.

8

You mentioned all the cat shit. Are the cats still living there? Is anyone caring for them?

9

Your state likely has some agency that deals with vulnerable adults. It might be part of the same entity that does Child Protective Services. Start there.

10

Texas. My first stop was fire department to make them are of her situation and get advice.

11

Last year when she moved in they were moved to my house. Vaccinations are current. One of the cats is 18 years old. The other cat a Siamese was and I say was … Well he had lost a lot of hair.

They had never ever been outside. She put them in the bathroom at my house with a litter box and food, and water. Then they stay there and in her bedroom. Til I couldn’t stand the stink and they started peeing on my floor and I told her. Outside they go. No ifs ends or buts.

I live on 12 acres in the country. The Simese has all is fur and tail hair now.She tries to call him in to visit and he hauls ass.

He’s happy chasing squirrels and has learned to climb trees and killed a few field mice.

The old cat comes in for naps and meows very, very loudly to go out.

12

Update:
My friend fixed all the plumbing, replaced all the siding on her mobile home, rebuilt the steps, and fixed the back porch. She bought the materials and paid him.

He also found some people to clean out the mobile home. So that’s where we are now.

I told her she could not go back there until the house was cleaned and sub flooring replaced. I also told her I don’t understand what caused her to get in this situation which obviously didn’t occur over night.

She said I’ve always been "low energy’ cooking cleaning, and housework Do not interest me. Her first husband left her after 25 years for a younger woman. She remarried and her 2nd husband passed away and that was when the real decline of her life began.

She is quite adept at playing the helpless widow, southern belle card as needed for survival.

Her life at my house the past year has been very trying. I immediately noticed her lack of hygiene. I got her a chair for the shower and replaced the showerhead with a handheld one. She still wouldn’t use the shower. So far in a year she has showered 2 times.

I keep her supplied in hygienic wipes, hand sanitizer and plenty of hand soap. One a month she goest to have her hair done.

She does wash her clothes, throws them on the bed and there they stay in a wrinkled mess until I find time to fold them and put them away.

She watches that QVC and orders crap 24/7. My bedroom which she stays in startrd filling up with crap. I drove by her house in December and packaged were stacked and literally falling down the front porch.

13

In January she announced she’s going to San Antonio to visit her daughter. Well…

He van thing is packed full of garbage and crap no place to even see out the back window or side windows. I waited til she was sleeping, took her keys and my friend and I spent half a day cleaning that freaking nasty vehicle.

4 outside garbage bags of empty food containers, petrified stator tots, boxes of chicken bones, junk mail, rotting ketchup packages and hundreds of plastic silverware. Ugh…

Then my friend checked the fluids tires act. We packed the good crap in boxes taped them shut and labeled them.

I told her this is a new chapter in her life and I will be closely watching her to see she doesn’t fall back into the mess she’s in now.

I know she will do it again, I told her I will be contacting her son inlaw if this continues. I do not have her daughter’s phone number or know her name. I do know where her X son in law lives.

You know, she is always ordering crap for him and I mean anyone!

She is not the first lady I have seen that is addicted to QVC and HSN.

I work mostly for retirees as a personal assistant driving, cooking, cleaning… Girl Friday … For some reason old people like me even when I was a kid.

Word of mouth reputation is powerful. I didn’t wake up and I’m going to do this line of work. I see a need in the community. These old people are lonely. The kids are in other states, countries and many of the elderly have addiction problems, Alchol… Food… Shopping. It fills a void in their lives.

I urge each and everyone of you reading this to check on your neighbor, your parents when you can.

This example could be your Mother or father… Tor grandparents. I’ll be quite frank with you there are scammers out they who will fill that void. They call them trying to sell them junk… Their vey friendly if they talk to them.

There are people who knock on their doors asking for work. Not all people are bad. This is my observations over the years. Many times I told them don’t give put your personal information.

Sorry for the rant … But it needed to be said.