Standing with a group of people having a conversation (I’m the only white guy). One guy (Jokingly) pokes another girl in the ribs. To which she responds; “Nigga! I’m gonna…” [she then proceeds to give him the crazy eye]
Immediately after that though, she looked straight at me, and became really embarrassed. she told me “sorry”, which was strange because I didn’t feel I was owed an apology.
So anyway, among black folks who do use that word, is there (typically) an unwritten rule not to use that word in front of white people?
When I was younger, I had lots of black friends that never hesitated to use that word. But unlike the girl previously mentioned, we were close.
There is no monolithic group of “black folks” who make rules about that word, but I’ve never in my life encountered that sort of situation - and I’ve known lots of people on every conceivable point of the N-word spectrum.
I have known black folks who are vehemently opposed to the word and view it as a synonym for “slave.” I could imagine one of them apologizing if they used it without meaning to, but that wouldn’t be out of a specific worry that a white person was offended.
Many ethnic groups use pejorative terms to describe themselves in a jocular or self-deprecating way. I’ve heard Italian-Americans refer to themselves as “guineas” and Polish-American refer to themselves as “Polacks.” If someone outside the group used the term, it would cause outrage.
It’s the same for Blacks. They’re using the word in a humorous/ironic fashion within their group. Anyone outside the group using it will get into trouble.
The concept is not a new one. In the novel The Virginian from 1902, the same thing happens: The narrator is shocked when hears someone call the Virginian a seriously nasty name in a lighthearted fashion (from the evidence, it was probably “son of a bitch”). The Virginian just laughs it off. Later, someone uses the same term, and the Virginian grabs his gun in implied threat and says “When you call me that, smile!”
Also, another question: is there really a distinction between “Nigga” and “Nigger”, in that the same person might use both with the former being less offensive? Or is it just that black people tend to say “Nigga” and white people tend to say “Nigger” and the term is (naturally) less offensive when used by a black person? (Possibly - if the latter is correct - a black person might say “nigger” and have it be more offensive, not because the word itself has a different connotation but because by deliberately using the “white” pronunciation he’s communicating that he means to convey the offensiveness associated with that usage.)
Her embarrassment probably stems from using a word in your presence that is completely off limits to you due to your race. It’s like throwing in your face that you’re an outsider.
Alternatively, she may have been embarrassed because she realized how uncouth you may have sounded to an outsider.
That’s my guess. The word is not in my casual lexicon, so I’m not speaking from direct experience.
I think it all depends how you want to come across.
Kind of like if someone said: “What do I care if a couple of faggots want to get married? They got as much a right as anyone else.”
I mean, it’s great this guy is all for equal rights. But… damn.
I think it is an offensive word period, that is offensive to anyone. If I was raisng kids and I was black I would try and teach my kids not to use the word in any context. Not that they would pay any attention but I would at least plant the seed. I would encourage my kids to do everything they could to break that stereo type.
One reaction I had to the OP was maybe she wasn’t apologizing because he was white per se, but because her mother has always told her not to use that word and she just got caught using it in front of a stranger.
I’m not sure if he was the only stranger, but he made it sound like this person was not someone he knew well. We don’t have much demographic info to work with, or even a context. I’ve never seen or heard about anything similar before, so I don’t know how common it is and am mostly pulling things out of my ass.
It was at work. But I work in manufacturing. So the language and decorum tends to be a little more salty than your typical cubical farm.
She’s not a total stranger, but it’s not like we hang out on weekends either. Also, I’m old enough to be this girl’s dad. Perhaps that had something to do with it. (I cuss like a sailor myself though)