I have been thinking about this concept, to the exclusion of less weighty matters, since Dijon Warlock awakened my interest in the famous French musician Le Petomane.
This great man was a soloist in his chosen profession and, as in most fields of human endeavour, there is a limit to that which one person can achieve without accompaniment.
Le Petomane’s influence in the sphere of anal-musical development was diminished by his inability to play more than four notes, viz. *doh me soh *and the octave doh on the tonic sol-fa scale. Perhaps *ray fah la *and te were impossible for Le Petomane to recreate successfully due to restrictions imposed by the diameter of his anal aperture or the size and configuration of his buttocks. Who knows.
Nevertheless, it occurs to me that it might be possible to form a wind band, this being an ensemble consisting of mixed wind instrument sounds i.e. both woodwind and brass. The instruments which I will need to replicate are a) Woodwind: recorder, transverse flute, and instruments using single or double reed e.g. oboe, clarinet, bassoon and saxophone and b) Brass: trumpet, cornet, bugle, French horn, trombone and maybe other (normally) lip-reed instruments.
My band would, of course, be chosen by audition. Aspiring band members would be invited to submit details of their Bottom Specifications, these details to be accurately measured, recorded and countersigned by two independent witnesses of unimpeachable social standing, for example a doctor, a vicar, or a moderator of a successful message board based in Chicago.
Applicants who reach Stage Two will be given sound checks by trained engineers, and preference will be given to those wannabes who can demonstrate versatility with their expirations. I can then market the band to interested parties, many of whom will be anxious to sign them as possible successors to the Spice Girls or Steps.
If this idea takes off, I am sure the band will be able to put bums on seats, but I need to have the Bottoms in place and rehearsing their repertoire before I expend resources on advertising and promotional materials.
My question is, and I am not a musical expert by any stretch of the imagination, would it be possible for an eclectic collection of Human Bottoms to combine in harmony to produce the required sound effects I have annotated in paragraph 4 above.
Thank you.
