[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
Glad that works for you, for us, it leads us into another round of whys. My children are too smart for that technique to be effective. If they can procrastinate with endless questions, they will. Eventually you need to shut it down.
Now that they can read and google “look it up when we come home, we are leaving now” works.
[/QUOTE]
I am not saying it works for me. I was asking your opinion on the subject. My daughter is 3 months old, she can’t say ‘why’ yet.
[QUOTE=Zsofia]
I wasn’t allowed to have Barbie dolls when I was a kid because “Barbie is sexist.” I couldn’t have a Nintendo because “it isn’t educational. We got you a computer.” I wasn’t given army guys either because Dad didn’t imagine I’d want to play with boy toys either.
I played mostly with cardboard boxes.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Rysdad]
Cardboard boxes can be fun for a while, but this makes me sad.
[/quote]
I didn’t have any of those toys either, and I read books, played with Legos and marble chutes, had teddy bears and other stuffed animals, played with the various toys at daycare, and drew a whole lot and made other art projects. Oh, and played a lot of games on my computer when I was a little older.
[QUOTE=Sampiro]
(though the follow-up SLUTZ may be harder to raise a daughter without)
[/QUOTE]
Me, I’m looking forward to Krakhorz.
[QUOTE=mswas]
I am not saying it works for me. I was asking your opinion on the subject. My daughter is 3 months old, she can’t say ‘why’ yet.
[/QUOTE]
Some kids you can explain things to, others you can’t. Sometimes it has nothing to do with parenting technique. My seven year old is a stubborn as a mule. It’s part of her personality and always will be. Any answer which doesn’t contain giving into whatever she wants will be met with more resistance. Sometimes “because I said so” is the only answer. Other kids are more open to discussion. Sometimes it depends on the day.
[QUOTE=mswas]
I am not saying it works for me. I was asking your opinion on the subject. My daughter is 3 months old, she can’t say ‘why’ yet.
[/QUOTE]
Sorry, I misunderstood you.
My opinion is that you will discover that by the time she is three, she will have figured out how to use “why” and questions as a procrastination tool and to manipulate you. While most “good” parents start out believing that “this is how we will raise our kids” its the opinion of the parents in this household that the only parents able to follow through all the time without ever having to resort to “because I said so” are either saints or morons or have saints for children. I’ve met a few of the morons - I’ve never met any of the grown up or children saints. Or its possible that everyone else had toddlers than could understand logic, reason and societial norms and mine were just unsually dense in this respect.
That isn’t to say that you should always use “because I told you” or “I’m the Mom.” But you need to balance your explainations with “this is how it is in our household” or you’ll turn your home into one where everything is argued and debated to death - and you are about to find out that a lot of societal norms cannot be explained to a two year old - “Why can’t I wear my jammies to daycare?” is no easier to explain than “Mommy thinks Bratz dolls are materialistic sluts.” Our current one is TVs in their bedrooms - they both want them, apprently “EVERYONE” else has them, Brainiac4 and I don’t think its a good idea. We’ve explained why, numerous times, and are now down to "when you grow up and move out, you can have a TV in every room in your house if you want - we have two - one in Mom and Dad’s bedroom that you can watch when you are sick or with Mom and Dad’s permission and one in the family room.
Folks often suggest American Girl dolls as an alternative to Barbie/Bratz, but they never seem to acknowledge that American Girl dolls are damn expensive. $87 for an American Girl doll versus $14.88 for a Barbie doll. That puts them out of reach for a lot of little girls.
I don’t care for Bratz either, but I will point out that I spent my childhood playing with Barbie dolls and grew up to be a happy, healthy feminist with no major body image issues. Where adults might look at a doll and think “Slut! Unrealistic body!,” kids are more likely to see a doll as a way to act out their own imaginings. (My Barbies spent a lot of time performing high-danger rescue missions and saving animals from peril, admittedly in sparkly dresses.)
paraphrased convo between my sister (“S”) and her daughter (“D”) (age 6)
D; Brats dress cool!"
S"Look at their faces… do they look happy?"
D"They look mad"
S"Why do you think they look mad?"
D"Because they aren’t Happy"
S"Why aren’t they happy?"
D"Becasue no one likes them"
S"Why doe no one like them?"
D"Because they … (big pause) only wear nice clothes and …
S"and…"
D"They want people to like them, but they only (big pause)…
D"they only wear nice clothes"
S"Do nice clothes make you a nice person?"
D"that’s why they look angry!
I love my sister…
FML
I saw the preview for the live action Bratz movie today, and I was impressed. Get rid of the animated Angelina Jolie lips and put real teenage girls in real teenage girl clothes, throw a message around it that you can be friends outside cliques, and it looked like a decent movie. Not rushing out to see it, but it was far more “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” than “Rock Star Sluts”
May I ask you to not have a problem if your daughter never, ever, ever wants to dress like a Bratz?
I never stole Mom’s makeup,
tried her shoes on once and figured they were just too big before even trying to stand up,
never wanted to dress like a grown up (although I did want, very hard, to be a grown up)
and you know, being an engineer isn’t that bad!
[QUOTE=mswas]
Ok, this is premature, because my daughter is only 3 months old.
However, when she is 6 and I won’t let her don Bratz chic, and the questions of ‘whyyyyyyyyyyyy?’ rears it’s ugly head. Is it reasonable for me to say, “Because you are too young to dress like a whore.”
[/QUOTE]
Heh.
Wait until your precious 6 year tells a teacher or friend, " I’m not allowed to play with bratz because they are whores."
I cannot stand Bratz either and have always been upfront with my daughter about them. My issue, besides the blatant whoring problem, is the size of these chicks head. Clearly, they have hydroencephalitis (sp?) and suffer from narcissism.
Yes, I’ve explained this to my daughter and she is very comfortable with it all and I am patiently waiting for it all to come back to me via a teacher/parent.
Excuse me, I have to go into our bathroom and step over the Naked Barbie Palooza-Orgy to use the toilet.
My childhood whoredoll is ok to play with. She’s got more slutty outfits and hooker shoes.
Side Note Hijack:
A friend with three boys came over and her son pointed to a toy on the floor,
“Why are there naked headless barbie dolls in every house we go too?”
His mom, " There just are, honey, there just are."
Naked Headless Barbie Doll would be an awesome user name.
My daughter is 10 and the only girls around her that I’ve met who are obsessed with the latest Bratz-type fashions are the ones whose mothers are the same way. Encourage other interests than appearance and she won’t waste a lot of time on it.
Kids don’t ask “WHY???” in the middle of an argument in prder to get information. They do it to overcome your resistance to them getting their way.
[QUOTE=dangermom]
My method for the ‘whys’ --our rule is that I am happy to explain why and I always will, but only after the kid starts obeying the request. It’s mostly for safety; I want them to habitually obey me promptly so that they won’t get run over when I tell them to ‘come here now!’ But it also saves a lot of arguing time.
[/QUOTE]
I do this except without the explanations. For every “WHYYYYY???”, I answer with “I’m sorry, but you have to do…” For every “But…!”, I answer back with their reason and then say “I’m sorry, but you have to (do whatever needs to be done.)” Eventually, my son gets the idea and accepts that he is being listened to but that doesn’t mean that he will get his way by default. Eventually, he calms down and may ask why he can’t do what he wants and I’ll explain, but I won’t do it as part of an argument.
I’m a soft touch when it comes to my kids but I won’t be pressured into doing something against my will.
When kids are small and still in love with you (before they discover you’re flawed and prone to error), they hold your opinion in high regard. I find that if I exclaim over something and say how cool it is, it piques Jr.'s interest. Conversely, if he wants something I don’t approve of, I say we can get it if he likes but I don’t think those are very cool because ________, and usually he’ll look at it and lose interest. Not once has he insisted on something once I made it a point to downplay its interest.
Then again, this kid is sensitive as they come.
Do what my father did and cultivate an identity of your word is law and there’s no arguing it.
Your kid will love you for it. :rolleyes:
[QUOTE=gigi]
Do what my father did and cultivate an identity of your word is law and there’s no arguing it.
Your kid will love you for it. :rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]
It is. And they do.
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
“Why can’t I wear my jammies to daycare?” is no easier to explain than “Mommy thinks Bratz dolls are materialistic sluts.”
[/QUOTE]
This is not directed AT Dangerosa, just using her quote as an example.
Imvvvvho, wearing jammies to daycare is not a big deal. Every kid goes through those phases, then they outgrow them. Full disclosure: I am not a biological parent, but I have had lots of little children in my life, some of whom I am lucky enough to be entrusted with co-parenting. Supernanny’s excellent book covers this. Some things aren’t worth turning into a power struggle. No one cares if your kid is at the grocery store in a Spiderman costume or a tiara. Picking your battles is a great way of saving energy that will later be needed to cope with cookie theft capers and the urgent need to pee that comes on every time the snowsuit gets zipped up.
Of course, ymmv, and I am sure that everyone in this thread has a parenting style that is above reproach and in the best interest of their individual children.
I worked with a girl who’s goal in life was to look like a bratz doll. In most other ways she appeared to be somewhat normal.
My daughter is 21 months old and I feel for the OP.
I had a whole litany about finding appropriate clothes for age/body type, but eh, it’s too far off topic. I find even with my daughter at this age, I have to censor some clothing that she’s been given. As far as her toys go, I don’t have a problem with Barbie, god knows as the joke goes, that bitch has everything, but I do have a severe problem with the Bratz dolls.
I knew my neice was going to be awesome the day we parked at her house and she dropped out of the tree above us wearing a dark green velvet and taffeta dress. That is the action figure of my dreams, a beautiful girl, full of life, void of fear, looking absolutely smashing! (Think Desk Set, not Tomb Raider)
kung fu lola If my daughter wants to wear costumes for every day dress, I will allow her to do that. I think it’s kind of silly not to allow that. My parents wouldn’t let me have long hair or dye it or anything. When I was 18, I went through a goth phase. I’d rather see a kid go through a goth phase in HS than at college age, cuz it’s sort of geeky after 18. My only problem with dyed hair is with natural redheads or natural blondes sometimes they can’t get their lovely natural color back ever.
My daughters are 3 and 4. Initially, I figured I’d be the type of parent that would not allow Barbies, Bratz, etc. I wouldn’t allow them to watch Cinderalla because I didn’t want them to grow up thinking the goal was to marry a prince. I didn’t let them watch Peter Pan because Tink is jealous and vindictive and tries to kill Wendy. I didn’t let them watch Little mermaid because Ariel is dressed like a whore.
As time rolled on and other mommies and I discussed things like this, we came to the conclusion that it is impossible to entirely shelter your kids from these influences. They’ll just watch Little Mermaid at someone else’s house - play with someone else’s Barbies. So instead, now we tell the girls that it is OK to grow up and marry the prince, but that you should probably get your doctorate/start that company/join the Peace Corp. first.