I’m asking for a friend. She wants to know whether schools are allowed to require girls to wear dresses or evening gowns to dances such as Prom.
She’s looking to wear pants but when she approached the school about it, they almost busted a vein.
For context: our school is in a rural area and attitudes here are pretty traditional, even reactionary.
Isn’t it a bit early/late to be thinking about prom?
This issue comes up constantly and it is the ACLU’s opinion it is unconstitutional to limit girls to female attire. They have a number of court cases that back that opinion.
https://www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights_hiv-aids/prom-resources-lgbt-students
However they can limit attire provided they aren’t gender specific, ie they can require tuxes or dresses. Your friend would have the option of either. She couldn’t show up in jeans and a T-shirt because that is not a permitted option for anyone.
I’d say submit this letter and wear a Tux https://www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights_hiv-aids/prom-letter-girls-tuxedos.
My friend wanted to try and resolve it early. Both of us want to get out of this “Down on the Farm”, “Little House on the Prairie” armpit.
The absolute best way to protest the antiquated traditions of Prom is to boycott the Prom. No need for exotic costumes and court cases. You, your friend and all your other friends should simply announce that you aren’t coming, then spend the evening doing something else. And when enough of you don’t go, you’ll have made your point.
Do you mean the prom is antiquated? What would you have them do instead?
Why? The accommodation they are asking for doesn’t diminish the prom in any way, so why can’t they ask for it to evolve in some small way to be more inclusive?
Add my vote to “skip it.” Too much hype, not too much fun.
But when that couple is the only couple that skips and no one notices (as no one would notice if any other random couple skipped prom) then no change is made. If the OP’s friend is trying to drive change at the school, not showing up would be even worse if the response ends up being “I’m so glad Cindy didn’t show up, I heard she was going to wear a tux, that would have been so weird”.
FTR, I DON’T think that every LGBT (and I’m just assuming that’s what the OP’s friend is, I could be wrong) person has to go out and make changes and I don’t have any problems with LGBT people wanting to stay out of the limelight and letting the world change around them. That’s all fine, I just don’t think not going to the prom is the best way to protest the old ways. In fact, IMO, it’s the best way to tell the people that made the rules ‘you’ve won, we won’t go’.
What if Rosa Parks had said “Well, if I have to sit on the back of the bus, I’ll just walk, that’ll show them”.
If the couple is well liked around the school, I think a good approach would be to get the support of the classmates. Get a petition signed to allow her to wear a tux. Get the other students to threaten to not show up (and not buy tickets in the first place) if they don’t allow it. That’ll get their attention a lot faster then one couple skipping it.
Given enough lead time, the most effective option might be to:
- Inform the prom committee (or whomever’s upset about the dress code) of your plans and something to the effect that ‘absence of an official response’ indicates acceptance
- Record or make a copy of their response (if any)
- pass both along a local news agency or civil rights organization (if the newsies show no interest)
4a. Watch conservatives struggle for an explanation that doesn’t reek of sexism.
4b. Wait for public outrage to force school officials to follow society’s prevailing morals. - Go to prom in the outfit of your choice as you’d planned to do all along, Maybe compromising a bit by wearing the same type of flower (or other accessory) as the other girls. That makes youe just a girl wearing a tux, not “a girl masquerading as a man” (which is more appropriate for halloween and not a romance/mating event like the prom).
What sort of thing does she have in mind? Two girls in my school (this was the late 1980’s) wore palazzo pants like these and nobody batted an eyelash. What is her goal here? Is she trans and wants to dress like a male? is she andro and comfortable only in pants? is she a tom-boy who needs a compromise outfit that is feminine without being uncomfortable? All of which she has a perfect right to, but would possibly garner different suggestions.
Help us out here!
I only attended as a senior–for the opening ceremonies. (Long story. I never had a girlfriend. 
) It seems to me that those who want to should be able to go; if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t go. Don’t spoil it for others.
I know you are just summarizing the ACLU’s opinion but found this humerus as female attire is what a female is wearing. So your statement is girl can come in their birthday suits.
Would her date have to show up in the ‘other’ category of attire?
Really could that be legally required of prom dates - one in a tux and one in a dress?
I haven’t heard of a school trying to impose that restriction. I suppose they could try saying a couple must consist of a dress and a tux. I doubt they’d be successful in court trying to convince a judge such a dress code requirement has nothing to do with trying to discriminate by gender.
I’m surprised that this is an issue for the courts and the ACLU.
School dress codes have been an issue since the 1960’s–but that’s because attending school is required by law, it’s on government property, etc,etc.
The prom is a voluntary event. Nobody is required to attend.
What’s wrong with a dress code?
The entire raison d’etre for the prom is to create a formal atmosphere, unlike a regular weekend party.
So requiring a certain standard of dress and behavior seems reasonable to me.
For example, courtooms require all visitors to observe proper decorum.
If you don’t like the policy, don’t go.
Lots of people don’t go, because they can’t find a date, or don’t like to dance, or are shy, or whatever.
One can’t go to a prom without a date?
There is nothing wrong with a dress code. There is something wrong with dress codes that discriminate by gender.
The reason it has been an issue in the courts is schools have tried to create restrictions for the purpose of actively exclude lgbt students from participating in a event that many consider a quintessential part of high school.
I think the school thinks it can get away with forcing female students to wear dresses or evening gowns, even if they are LGB students like my friend - because we live in a backwoods/rural/hick podunk area.
Most people dont care unless your story is in NYC, D.C. or LA.
Courtrooms don’t, however, require women to wear dresses. A “formal atmosphere”, “proper decorum”, and a “standard of dress and behavior” are all possible without requiring women to wear dresses.
What would I do–sit in a chair for three hours? I can do that at home.
I went to mine without a date - and I certainly did not sit in a chair for three hours.