Out here in reality, Significant Other seems to be generally accepted as the term for the person you are living with, and having sex with, without benefit of marriage.
Husband/wife seems pretty unambiguous.
Boyfriend/girlfriend always seems to indicate dating, not living together, potentially serious about each other.
And then fiance definitely indicates a serious relationship with a definite date for marriage, whether living together or not.
I may not know if a boyfriend snores, if we haven’t reached that stage in the relationship, but I’d sure as heck better know if an SO does.
In short, I’ve always heard it as a specific term, not a generalization for any relationship
Oh, and then there is the term Sweetie, which usually means the same as SO, but sounds less…oh, I don’t know, technical.
Well, I am not living with my SO, and I don’t have sex with him very often. He is very significant to me, more than a boyfriend, and I don’t like the word ‘fiance’ - it’s just not me.
I would like to point out that the SDMB is not outside ‘reality’. It is also part of the real world - much as some folks might like to believe that online interaction is not ‘real’.
SO is a unisex term and it’s quick and easy to type. It can mean whatever you want it to and you’re not going to be judged for the sex of your lover or the status of your relationship. It can mean your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, fiance(e), lover, f**k buddy, mistriss, sugar daddy, eye candy, etc., etc. I don’t think it matters if your living with the person, married to the person, having sex (or not) with the person… it means whatever you want it to mean.
I use it mainly because it’s quicker for me to type SO than boyfriend/fiance/husband. I used “SO” when my SO and I were just dating, used it when we became engaged and I’ll continue to use it after we’re married… just because that’s what I’m used to.
So the habit of using ‘SO’ arose to avoid judgement – does its presence have a correlating effect of heightening judgemental perception of people that don’t use it? For example, when I refer to ‘my girlfriend,’ do I come off looking immature, uncommitted to my relationship, or aggressively heterosexual?
Does the presence of the generic and universally apliccable ‘SO’ call attention to the usage of a more specific term?
I live with a woman. Now, before you jump to conclusions, she has her own room, we do not sleep together. Well, sometimes she falls asleep in my bed, but we don’t sleep together, you know what I mean. Actually, we used to, back when we were dating, but that didn’t really work out. Now we’re just best friends. It’s kind of like a platonic marriage.
I dunno girlfriend seems awfully funny coming from a 38 year old man, and ladyfriend sounds even clunkier to me, it’s much easier to use SO and let the reader draw their own conclusions.
I think we should stop using SO and start using the Federal Gov’ts POSSLQ (Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters) - except that doesn’t cover homosexual relationships. Okay, how about POOSSSLQ (Person of Opposite Or Same Sex Sharing Living Quarters)?
Since I’m not in a relationship myself, I’d use the term SO when speaking to others here. It’s sort of lazy and cautious…and saves me from having to remember is poster X a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/love slave/ hetrosexual/homosexual/bisexual/stalker?
I use SO mainly because it’s short and easy to type. I might have occasionally have gone through the trouble of writing our “boyfriend” or “bf” or something, but it’s really just a laziness issue, and having seen it often here on the boards, I know that people will understand what it means. I don’t think that writing out “my girlfriend” or “my boyfriend” makes anyone look juvenile or anything - it’s just one more detail about the poster that now I know that I didn’t before. I guess there might be somesort of “PC” issue involved, or just making sure to be all-inclusive in some cases.
My SO and I are not married. We have been living together for 7 years, and we have children together. Technically, we have a common-law marriage, and I often refer to him as my husband as “boyfriend” just doesn’t seem right. Fiancee might be right, but as we have no immediate plans for legal marriage, it’s not quite right either. SO is much easier.
And featherlou, my sister does call him my POSSLQ, but then again, she did spend a lot of years working for the government.
I sometimes also use SO on boards in general when I don’t feel like MY gender or sexual orientation are anyone’s business, or when I think there might be pick-up trolls lurking around. On some boards it’s a bit better to just go along and appear male (the default) to avoid harassing questions.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to imply that the conversations held here are any less real than those held in person. I just meant that sitting here, typing anonymously, trying to conserve space and keystrokes, we may simplify things to the point of imprecision accidently or purposefully.
But at my job, a customer who takes the time to say “I need a gift for my Significant Other” does not generally mean her husband, and we may need to ask some questions to determine what to suggest. In fact, I can’t recall anyone ever using the term to describe someone they weren’t living with. Perhaps my experience is limited…hell, I know it is…but it is, after all, my reality. Oh, and us middle-ager daters 'round these parts tend to such say “friend” rather than the boy/girl friend thing…but there is an ever-so-subtle difference in the way it is said!
Or you could say roommate. I mean, my daughter lives with three guys, but she doesn’t “live with them” live with them, if you know what I mean. But I do understand that SO is quicker to type. Just not as descriptive as I has assumed. In fact, it’s starting to seem as vague a term as “aquaintance”. Just a heck of a lot easier to spell.
Well, I suppose for the purposes of telling a story on the board, I could, and sometimes I do. But in my head, she’s much more than simply a person that I share rent with, so if what I’m talking about would be clearer and more meaningful if people understood that she is “significant” then SO works well. It implies that the person is important to me, but I don’t need to give the background.
When I first jumped on the boards, I refused to use SO, because
I think “Significant Other” just sounds so cheesy-corny-new-age.
I used “boyfriend” for a long time (not that its any better sounding!), but eventually, the abbreviation won out, because
a) No one gives a crap about the specifics of our relationship anyway
and
b) it’s shorter and easier.
