Question: Lets say you’re at home and some alien comes flying to steal your cows and probe your anus. Yes, you can and should call the military (assuming your phone is working) but you need protection NOW.
What would you do since you don’t a terrawatt death ray?
Generally, I believe the “run/hide/fight” model of dealing with alien invaders is wisest, no matter how one is armed – flee (with fellow members of your species) when possible; if fleeing is impossible, then hide (while preparing to fight if found); if hiding is impossible (or if one is found), then fight. Aside from my fellow homo sapiens, there’s nothing on my planet that I wouldn’t gladly trade away to avoid the chance of having to commit genocide (or, obviously, being genocided).
Aren’t parody posts supposed to go in the BBQ Pit?
Parody threads go in the Pit. I’ve moved it from GD to the Pit. Link to original thread.
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I would pick up my phone and expect to hear:
Then I would send out a team of four rookies who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn to deal with the threat.
Also, I’m not anti death ray, but I do believe you should research alien alloy armor before laser guns, because the lives of your soldiers matter, and a highly trained operative with a ballistic rifle is worth two rookies with plasma guns.
I would try diplomacy. I figure I would ill-equipped to fight beings who have masted interplanetary travel. Not sure why they would want to steal my cows or probe my anus…
Isn’t this why we have Space Force?
Hmm maybe try to deescalate with some calming phrases like “Klaatu barada nikto”.
Anyway if we were meant to have death rays, God wouldn’t have killed Tesla.
I would take comfort that they were here to serve man.
I dont have cows, so no big deal there.
As for the anus probing, I don’t imagine it would be fun, but then what? Then they go away or…what? Maybe I just let em probe and get on with my life. Or maybe I’d join them. It’d be more interesting than getting on with my boring shitty life.
This is why we need a space wall now!
(Paging Dr. Dyson.)
What thread are you parodying?
Context is always good.
No, it’s to protect us from Space ISIS.
Bone linked to it in post #4 when he moved the thread out of GD.
When death rays are outlawed, only aliens will have death rays.
Why don’t they invent life rays instead of wasting their time building bigger stronger death rays?
I’d splash water on them. I saw that in a movie once.
I assume they’re not knocking on my door, so that it’s a surprise when I open it. I assume that I just heard them land either in my back yard or in the street. Either way, that’s a small space ship. So - - call 911, grab the machete, and head for the basement. Might call PG&E, too. Odds are the ship took out a line on the way in.
It would be better if everyone had training on what to do and not do if they came across a terawatt death ray, either in their home or on the street, but it’s not like anyone should actually lift a finger to provide such training… unless any alien cyborgs want to donate a little time on the weekend to indoctrinate third graders into thinking that happiness is a warm phaser.