Questions about dilating and labor...

In My Humble Opinion
101

Thanks for the advice - and keep it coming when you have the chance.

I’m pretty content with the fact that I didn’t (or just haven’t yet) experienced much baby blues. I was really worried about that because I have a history of depression - so not getting too sad was great.

The only thing that makes me sad is the fact that breast feeding didn’t really work out. Well, let me re-phrase that…I didn’t have much desire to breast feed - but it was more of a I’ll try it sort of thing. Baby skittles wouldn’t latch on properly - even with two different lactation consultants. So I started pumping and was getting some milk. I was also supplementing with formula…so with feeding formula - then changing - then cleaning and putting him down for sleep…time to pump would come around. It would mean that I didn’t have time for much of anything else. I found that pumping after a warm shower would yield more milk. So I tried that for a few days. It finally came to the point where I decided I could no longer do all the things needed. So I’ve decided not to pump any more. I am still leaking milk - and am guessing will probably do that for some time.

It makes me feel bad when I think about it for a while. I mean, I know some women who just didn’t produce milk - and they were heart broken. I guess I feel like I should try to continue at times - but my sleep and sanity just wouldn’t allow it.

My pediatrician says that it is fine, and that he will get the vitamins and nutrients he needs from formula - so that eases my guilt.

Other than that - I totally feel great about having him home (though at 3am it is a bit harder than during the day) and am looking forward to learning more about him as each day progresses.

102

You shouldn’t beat yourself up about the breastfeeding. Sometimes it just does not work out. I have extremely sensitive skin, and I found that me whimpering with tears running down my cheeks wasn’t conducive to happy eating or bonding.

Sometimes you have to work out whether he needs regular formula, or soy, or broken-down milk protein. My youngest has always been lactose-intolerant, and it took a couple of weeks before I noticed it when he was a newborn. Colic, fussiness, outright screaming for no discernible reason, these are sometimes due to digestive woes.

Don’t put the baby to bed with a bottle of anything other than water if necessary. Milk and juice left on the teeth overnight leads to tooth decay. I’ve known more than one 4- or 5-year old with baby bottle mouth, and it’s not pretty.

Make sure he Nicholas gets lots of tummy time, since he sleeps on his back. My youngest’s pediatrician told me that his generation will be the first to have the backs of their heads be flat, and it will be a normal appearance within a few generations. I don’t know about that, but let that head back be free when possible.

It is pretty normal, I think, for most newborns to have a period in the late evening, 7ish or so, where they just cry. I believe this may be due to a necessary release of the central nervous system, which easily gets overloaded during the day. A nice bath and timing the feeding so that it’s after the bath can go a long way towards calming. Little noise and dim lighting help during that time.

103

He is currently on soy formula because of the original mucus. We are actually going to be switching him over tomorrow to a milk based formula. So wish us luck! I wonder if the milk product will be heavier in his stomach? Thus allowing him to sleep longer inbetween feedings? I have no clue - I never tried soy anything before.

I will definnitely have to try the bath before night time feeding approach. As of right now he really hates to take a bath - but I’m hoping he will grow to love them eventually. I think because they are new right now, he isn’t too sure about them.

He doesn’t definitely get over tired at times and just cries because of it. It is hard to comfort him in that state because he is over stimulated, and so anything we do just stimulates him more. I feel the worse for him during those times because I’m kind of helpless until he just settles himself down.

104

I found that sometimes my daughter just wanted to smell me. I would hold her and sing the same lullaby and rhythmically pat her back. slowly. No one else would do. Gradually, she changed attachment to my husband, the primary caretaker, but for about four months, I was tops with her. That song still calms her.

My daughter was on a formula supplement between 5 and 7 months. I also pumped and she drank breast milk from a bottle. We weaned her from a bottle to a cup, not a sip cup, at eight months. No fuss, she grew less interested in the bottle and we made the switch. Not a tear was shed for that bottle. Damn, that was wonderful. If you get a chance to do the same, take it bottle battles are awful. I love being able to trust her to use glass glasses on her own. The cup thing is a PITA for a while, but it paid off for us.

Don’t cut the tags from her toys if they are cloth and well attached. My daughter played with the tags more than the toys sometimes.

My daughter hated baths for a long time. We used a safety duck to make sure the water was not too hot and tried every trick to make it better nothing worked for about a year. She now loves baths and went from hating to loving them instantly with no indication as to why.

We never used baby food. We never pureed food. We cooked it, mashed it up with a fork. She loved vegetables and still does. Introduce veggies before fruit, and green veggies before yellow or orange ones.

105

First of all, you may have the bathwater too cool - in Japanese baby books it says that bathwater should be about 40C for a baby bath. I could NOT believe it at first and gave my baby tepid/warm baths in the baby bath, English style. He screamed his head off, every time.

Then we decided to try the Japanese way, which is pretty much as soon as you want, to bathe the baby in the big bath with you. We found it best if Daddy got in the bath, run deep, and as hot as you would enjoy it, unless you are a total heat freak. Then Mummy hands the baby to Daddy, who rests him on his knees so that his back is fully supported on Daddy’s legs, and he can look into his face. Then Mummy can wash and then take baby out of the bath to dry him. Give it a try! (Mummy in the bath at first isn’t great as you tend to do a fire engine impression as the hot water hits your boobs… Then baby smells milk and starts doing the gurgling and snorking thing, and it all turns a bit manic.)

If you really want to keep on bathing him in a baby bath, another thing that Japanese mums do is lightly drape baby with a muslin cloth or hankie so that the baby doesn’t feel so vulnerable - the baby will often grab at the edge of it and calm down. Tiny babies don’t like being naked or exposed on flat surfaces, so it’s not time yet for kicking on a blanket or splashing in a bath.

The other thing is that they don’t get that dirty so if bathtime is traumatic for you all, you could skip it every other day and just “top and tail” him. So long as hands, face and bum are clean, the rest doesn’t matter much.

Something else you might try is not bathing him at whatever time of day it is you have tried up till now. If he is at all cranky or sleepy it’s going to set him off. Maybe a mid afternoon bathe an hour or so after a feed while he is still alert. (But that might stuff up the "bathe with Daddy bit, if hub is at work still…)

Good luck and remember that already YOU are the world expert on your little lad, so don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t feel sure about.

106

I can’t believe it - but he is a month old today!!!

Time certainly flies! I only wish the last month of my pregnancy went this fast!

Things are going OK here. He doesn’t hate his baths as much, so that is good. He still isn’t sleeping well at night. Last night he was up and fussing from 10pm through 2am. He rested until about 5am and was up again until just about 9am. He napped until noon - and so did I! :slight_smile:

There are recent pictures up on that site - including one with Santa!

Enjoy!!!

107

Ah, yes, the infamous ‘nights and days mixed up’ routine. Every baby does it, but I’m sure you knew that…there’s nothing to be done but to endure it, make nighttime as comforting and dark and boring as possible, and make daytime interesting and bright. It won’t help right away, and he’ll sleep when he’s tired and wake when he’s not, but it lets you feel like you’re doing something. :smiley:

i’m sure you also know about growth spurts at approx 2, 3, 6 and 12 weeks, which lead to ‘cluster feeding’ (and this is true whether you breastfeed or bottle feed) which inevitably happens just when you’re most exhausted at night and baby wants to feed for HOURS. As long as you can have somebody remind you that this is normal so you don’t get worried about it it will help you get through the couple of days or week of hell.

What a sweet baby. I’m nostalgic for that age now. As I type, I have a 2 1/2 year old doing the Sussy Dance in front of me, in hopes I’ll agree to let her nurse.

108

One of my friends had a baby a little over a month ago. Last weekend I went over there, and she was standing in the kitchen holding him. I went up and stroked his little head, and he was sucking on his pacifier and blinking his eyes slowly, as he was sleepy. That moment has stuck in my head. That was a perfect moment right there, I tell you. Newborns are just so special and precious.

Now’s a good time, skittles, to get him into a routine, and to start laying him down to sleep when he’s still awake. A good routine that hopefully he can and will adapt to is: up at around 7, 1st nap around 10 for a couple hours, then 2nd nap around 3 for a couple hours, then bed for the night (except for waking to feed for 2-3 more months) at around 7 or 8. You CAN get him into a routine that is acceptable for you, instead of being up until 2 a.m. It just takes consistency and yes, make nighttime dark and quiet, and daytime bright and busy. Good luck!

109

[QUOTE=trublmakr]
Now’s a good time, skittles, to get him into a routine, and to start laying him down to sleep when he’s still awake. A good routine that hopefully he can and will adapt to is///QUOTE]
…and if he doesn’t adapt to your schedule, you may still find he has a natural schedule of his own, and it will be more peaceful in your house if you adapt to him. Some kids are adaptable and easygoing, others have a definite idea of how they want their world to be, and any attempt to force them to be otherwise will result in you listening to a very unhappy baby.

We tried very hard not to have any expectations of our babies “conforming” to our lifestyles until they were well beyond 6 weeks of age. It saved us a lot of frustration when they didn’t meet our expectations. But by all means try the scheduling. Some babies will naturally fit right in.

Just remember: “crying it out” is not for babies under 6 months of age, and little babies *never * cry for no reason. Maybe they’re hungry, thirsty, lonely, scared, being pinched by a crease in their clothes, have a dirty diaper they didn’t have 30 seconds ago, have an air bubble in their tummies…maybe they’re overstimulated, for that matter, or want to be swaddled, or unswaddled, or are too hot or too cold. Every time my kids cried hard, there was ALWAYS a reason, and if I looked, eventually I found it. (My kids fortunately never had colic - that’s a separate issue altogether).

Please don’t feel that you must put baby down to sleep while he’s still awake, if it seems to upset him. It’s okay to train to do that later. Heck, my kids didn’t learn that until they were WAY older, and they sleep just fine on their own now. But do try it. It may work for him. If it does, more power to ya. :smiley:

110

Very good advice, Chotii. However, I do believe that the vast majority of babies can adapt to the family’s routine, if it’s established early. There is absolutely no reason why a mother or father should be up after midnight, or should have to rock, lay down with, or otherwise “get” the baby to sleep. I fear there are an awful lot of parents out there that let their children mandate the household schedule and routines. Not saying you do, but I personally know a lot of people that do. Those children often become little tyrants and the dynamic in the family is not something I could live with.

Of course, there are as many opinions on this sort of thing as there are parents, and I’m only expressing mine and how I like to run my house. Everyone else’s mileage may vary.

I do agree with you that young infants rarely cry when there’s nothing wrong. There can be that early-evening cryfest that may or may not be due to overstimulation, but other than that, most babies don’t cry unless there’s something they need.

111

The only time he really falls asleep by himself is if he has just eaten and passes out before the bottle is done. Otherwise he kind of needs to be held to fall asleep. :frowning: AND - if I put him down when he is semi-asleep he wakes right up crying his little head off. I guess maybe he is spoiled already? I don’t like for him to cry too much - it will literally make him throw up. Poor little man. So for the next two weeks at least I will be a slave to his schedule. After that, I will try to get him more routine…because I will be returning to work after the New Year. I clearly can’t be up all hours of the night and work at the same time.

112

Just my two cents. A month-old baby is not “spoiled.” He just has needs. Sometimes the need is for food, or to not be in a soiled diaper, or maybe just to feel the comfort of human presence. It’s a big world, and he’s still getting used to being out here, and maybe sometimes he just feels lonesome.

Besides, the tenderest and sweetest memories you will ever have are of that dear little person all contented and sleepy on your shoulder.

I disagree with trublmakr on this, but as was said, each baby/parent combination is different. My oldest daughter needed to be held and rocked until she fell asleep, and then she was good for 6+ hours. My second one would scream and cry for what seemed an endless time. I finally realized she did not like to be held and rocked when she was sleepy! She wanted to be left the heck alone.

113

Our daughter is almost 7 weeks old …

I can completely relate to what Skittles posted earlier about the feeding/pumping madness. We have been incredibly lucky in that our little McStain has learned to breastfeed after being bottlefed for 2 weeks in the hospital. But it took a few weeks to get to this point, and if it wasn’t for McDeath’s support and encouragement and help, there is NO way I could have managed it all. I still pump once or twice a day in order to have some milk to store - I get worried about that for some reason, and like the “insurance”.

I have read, and it sometimes works for me, that the first yawn is usually a good sign that the baby is ready to go to sleep. I’ve also read that if he/she falls asleep in your arms, you know it’s okay to put him/her down to sleep when their limbs are totally limp. If you pick up their arm and feel any resistance, they are in a stage of their sleep cycle in which they’ll wake up very easily. But once their limbs are super loose and relaxed, they are in a deep sleep, and it is then a good time to try laying them down. This works for me too.

Good luck … the sleep deprived nights are SO hard … I think our little muffin is gearing up for a growth spurt and I’m just dreading it in a selfish way!

S.

114

A study in contrasts:

When my first baby was about 3 months old, at a well-baby check, his doctor asked me if I got him to sleep or let him fall asleep on his own. I told her that I did spend hours every night rocking him to sleep, and that he harldy ever slept. I was struggling mightily with the sleep deprivation. She explained to me that at that point, my only option was to use the Ferber Method, where you have to put the baby to bed while awake, and let him scream and cry until he fell asleep. The first couple nights can take several hours and be hell on earth. You can not go to him and pick him up or offer comfort. It takes about a week usually, with less and less crying every night during that time. I left her office thinking “pfft. Whatever, lady.” A couple of months later I came to the realization that she was right. I either had to teach this baby how to sleep, or spend the next several years giving up my entire evening to get him to sleep. It was incredibly difficult to unbreak the bedtime struggle, and now, almost 15 years later, he still is not a good sleeper. Doesn’t like to go to bed, doesn’t sleep well when he does, and wakes up groggy and cranky.

My third baby is now 7. From birth, he has been able to go to sleep on his own, being laid down while still awake. Up until a couple of years ago, he napped for a couple hours every day (twice a day up until 2 or so). He goes to bed every night promptly at 8, sometimes even asking me if he can go to bed earlier. He goes right to sleep, sleeps like a rock all night, and wakes up fast and chipper.

My suggestion is that you speak to your doctor, skittles, and/or do some research on your own. Being able to get to sleep and sleep well is not something that is innate, you either have or you don’t… it is a skill, that anybody can learn. Much more easy if it’s begun as an infant. You will be doing your baby a huge favor if you teach him this skill now rather than later, not to mention yourself, your husband, and your marraige.

But don’t take my word for it, learn about it.

And, no, you have not spoiled him. That’s impossible before 6 months of age.

115

That is good advice about the sleep things.

I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow AM. I found a pea sized lump on his head just behind his ear that makes me concerned. It doesn’t appear to hurt him to touch it, but I want to check it out just incase.

I will talk to my doctor about his sleeping (or lack there of) and she what she suggests at this early age. I just feel so terrible when he gets so hysterical with crying. It truly makes him throw up a bit at times.

He is typically a non-crying baby - so when he does cry he does it WELL! :eek:

116

It’s a pity you have to go back to work, as that’s an outside force that will impose a routine on you all, maybe before you are ready. But that can’t be helped, so good luck and you will muddle through!!

I found with both my babies that before a certain age (about two or three months, I can’t exactly remember) their every cry had me running to their side, and almost crying myself if it was one of those particular cries.

Then one day I would find myself hanging laundry as the baby roared in his basket or chair next to me, and I’d be saying, “Just a minute baby, I’ll just get this done and then be with you.”

There seems to be a natural cutoff time when that first blind protective instinct begins to wane, and you know your baby enough to realise that for a minute or two, the babe can wail while you finish your pee, bath or whatever.

It sounds like you are not quite at that stage yet so don’t sweat it, and pick him up when you need to.

Soon enough you’ll have a five year old, and you’ll be sternly instructing him, “DON’T CRY!” and ignoring him when he does (about Big bro changing the TV channel, not about him being sad because his friend moved away!)

Hugs to that handsome boy of yours…

117

Hokkaido Brit thanks for the post.

You pretty much nailed it on the head there. Right now I am definitely in the run when he cries stage. I won’t even shower unless someone else is here to make sure he doesn’t need something while I am in there. Makes for an interesting personal schedule to say the least!

I really wish I didn’t have to return to work, but financially that isn’t a choice for us. I also wish I had someone close to me that would care for him, but I don’t have that either. So he will be in daycare - which I am thinking will help break him of the needing to be in my arms to sleep routine. I am sure they won’t have enough time to do that to every child.

118

Thanks for the new pictures, skittles. Him is so cute, yes he is! Big hands!

119

All went well at the doctors.

The lump on his head was just his lymph nodes. I was glad to hear that. :slight_smile:

She gave me some suggestions for sleeping. I have to use Mylicon drops at like 7pm. She said he may have some colic that occurs overnight. So tonight we will try that!!!

Wish us luck!!!

120

Our doctor told us not to bother with those drops (or with gripe water) because neither one is useful to the baby - he considers them placebos for the parents’ peace of mind! So don’t be worried or concerned if they don’t work …

I read the whole thread - I promise - but I can’t remember if anyone mentioned keeping the house noisy, bright and busy during the day, with lots of talking to the baby, etc … and keeping it dark, peaceful and quiet at night. This should help the baby realize when it’s time to sleep, and time to play.

We have tried it and it’s working very well so far. We DO keep a radio or t.v. on at night so there is SOME noise.

I don’t think there is such a thing as a “some colic” at least not TRUE colic - it’s kind of like being a ‘little bit pregnant’. From everything I’ve read - true colic is characterized by hours of relentless crying in the late afternoon / evening, and no amount of consoling will comfort the baby.

Our baby is a VERY gassy lassie … after a few awful nights, I folded a towel and placed it under the head of her cradle mattress to elevate it a bit - maybe 5-10%. I also hold her upright for a few minutes after feeding her. Both of these things seem to have made her much more comfortable at night.

Good luck …