Questions for non-practicing / non-religious Jews

With religious faith generally on the decline, but the prevalant and understandable human need to have an ethnic identity persisting, I am curious how those who self-identify as non-practicing Jews deal with the conflict that their ethnicity happens to be strongly tied to a religion.

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you?

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in? (I guess if you’re very strict about your non-practice this wouldn’t apply, but as a “non-practicing Catholic” I can say I was baptized, and dragged to church twice a year for Christmas and Easter as a kid. I just don’t do it anymore)

Would you ask a rabbi for advice?

Would you date/marry a gentile?

Have you been to Israel?
EDIT: Just realized I am posting this thread at exactly sundown on Friday. :smiley: Little bit of unintentional irony.

I thought that was a board rule – Questions about Judaism MUST be posted on Friday evening.

Welcome back!

Well, since the question is for non-practicing Jews, I guess it doesn’t matter that it’s Friday night, does it?

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you? Somewhat important. It’s not the be-all and end-all. For instance, I’m in policy school, and there’s a Jewish Policy Student Organization, but I am not a member of it.

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in?
At the moment, none. Sometimes I’m feeling more Jewish and want to do Jewish stuff. When the mood strikes me, I like Friday night services.

I freely admit that I am more likely to participate in Jewish traditions that are fun, like going to a bar on Purim or eating latkes (with applesauce, yum) on Hanukkah than say, fasting on Yom Kippur. (Although I have fasted on Yom Kippur a number of times, and when I do a High Holiday, I go ALL out and follow as many mitzvot as possible.)

Would you ask a rabbi for advice? I needed advice and I trusted his or her opinion, sure.

Would you date/marry a gentile? Yes. This may sound weird, but I would prefer to date/marry another non-religious Jew.

Have you been to Israel? Yes, I did my junior year of college in Israel, at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

It’s part of how I self-identify, so I’d say it’s fairly important. It’s certainly helped shape the kind of food I cook/enjoy, the type of humor I enjoy and what I believe responsible citizenship entails. I also recognize that at history’s darkest moments, whether someone self-identifies as Jewish is less important than if those in power define you as a Jew, so in a certain sense it’s a minor burden that it at least pays to be aware of. Witness, for example, various games of “find the Jew!” in the Bush administration that various conspiracy theorists have played over the past few years.

Currently, none. I will, from time to time, attend Shabat services because I find them calming and spiritually/emotionally refreshing. I get my folks Chanukah gifts, but that doesn’t really ‘count’ in my mind as Chanukah is a holiday that celebrates a military victory, and despite the legend that grew up around it, I never found it to be all that much of a religious holiday. When I was living in Austin, a close family friend was the head rabbi at a congregation there, so I attended High Holy Day services mostly to be part of the community.

The rabbis I personally know are all smart, wise men. So yes. A generic rabbi simply because he was a rabbi? No.

My fiancee was raised Lutheran but is an atheist.

Twice.

Very important. My heritage and religion shaped who I was growing up. Even though I am agnostic now, it is still important to me culturally and I do identify as Jewish when asked.

I was bar-mitzvahed and I occasionally go to services with friends or relatives. I actually quite like the services, but don’t go if I don’t have a reason and don’t belong to a temple. I eat apples and honey on the new year and fast on Yom Kippur for reasons having more to do with personal growth than my belief that it does anything religious for me.

I suppose so. I wouldn’t be against it.

Exclusively dated and have married a gentile. That’s just the way it worked out, it was not by design.

I have relatives there so I have been a few time. It’s quite nice.

I’m not sure I’m in the demographic you’re looking for - I was raised Jewish but ran far, far away as soon as I could. I’m a wholly non-religious atheist who happens to have been raised Jewish. Whether or not I actually am Jewish is an interesting question - my father is by birth and choice. My mother was born Catholic, baptized, left the church, but has never actually converted to Judaism. I was fully raised Jewish (see below), but technically according to Jewish law, I’m not a Jew, since my mother was not.

Personally, I do not consider myself Jewish at all, as I firmly believe it’s a religion and nothing more, and I personally find the “it’s a culture/ethnicity” argument extremely grating.

Obviously, not at all. My father’s family’s chosen religion was Judaism. shrug

Nothing. I did go to an after-school Hebrew school* program from kindergarten through 10th grade (2x/week up until 8th grade, then just once a week). I was bat mitzvah’d and confirmed (though, somewhat ironically, wholly against my wishes). The last time I was in any sort of Jewish setting was my grandmother’s funeral four years ago.

Advice of a personal/spiritual nature? Never. If I had a tough curiosity/school/whatever-based question about Judaism, I’d probably try to find a rabbit to ask. If I did so, I would probably neglect to mention that I was raised Jewish.

Yes, so long as they weren’t a devout member of any other religion. I probably wouldn’t date anyone who identified as Jewish.

No. There was supposed to be a Hebrew school trip in 2002, which was (unsurprisingly) canceled due violence. Last summer I sort of toyed with the idea of going on one of those free trips, but ultimately decided against it, because I realized it would be nice to see the country some day, but I’d probably be miserable with a Jewish group there. I feel very strongly about the situation there, and my views go quite strongly against most conventional Jewish views of the situation.

*We did not actually learn any Hebrew.

I am assuming that was a typo and not sarcasm… :wink:

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you?

The best answer is that it’s not something I can easily let go of.

My parents were Jews growing up in the Soviet Union. For anyone that doesn’t know, the USSR was a very antisemitic place, but it was also a place where religion was forbidden. That created a situation where Jews were hated for a religion none of them knew all that much about. The first time my grandmother even went to a synagogue was when she came to America, yet she was hated all her life for being a Jew.

So while all this happened to my family (I came to the US when I was one year old), it is not something I can let go.

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in? (I guess if you’re very strict about your non-practice this wouldn’t apply, but as a “non-practicing Catholic” I can say I was baptized, and dragged to church twice a year for Christmas and Easter as a kid. I just don’t do it anymore)

Just the big holidays where the whole family gets together. I like Yum Kippur especially because family members will gather and talk about how lucky we all are to end up in America. It puts things in perspective.
**
Would you ask a rabbi for advice?**

If I knew a rabbi, maybe.
**
Would you date/marry a gentile?**

I would, but my parents have already came out against this.

**Have you been to Israel?
**
Yes. On a free trip they give to agnostic Jewish kids like me.

I’m only half Jewish, and not Jewish at all by Jewish law. But I’m proud of my heritage on both sides. I have respect for Jewish intellectual tradition and try to be a part of it, in my very small way.

In the Soviet Union religion was outlawed. The Jews that were around before WWII were religious, but their children were not. Yet they were still considered Jews and were discriminated just like religious Jews.

So these Jews were outcasts from mainstream Soviet culture, but they did not know how their religion was practiced. Since they were outcasts, they naturally formed a culture of their own. What would you call these people? They were all Jews that formed their own culture, but they never actually practiced their religion.

So what would you call their culture?

In Soviet Russia, Jewish culture calls you!

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you?

It gave me a wonderfully warm childhood with lots of rituals which I enjoyed - like Friday night shabat. I am an atheist, but the god side of Judaism was never a big part of my family. As my parents families were involved in WWI, my mother’s side badly treated in Poland and surrounds, it is hard not to feel strongly about persecution and an allegiance to those who were persecuted. My mother lived with life long depression, linked to her family’s experiences in the war. But it was an incredibly warm childhood - no violence of any kind - no discipline by smacking or punishment, only very high expectations. So I still feel Jewish although I consider religion to be the world’s greatest divider of people and cause of evil.

**What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in? **

Only those associated with family who are still involved in the religion. I always feel very comfortable in the Synagogue and love the sounds of the rituals.

Would you ask a rabbi for advice?
More so than a priest or other religion, because rabbis (theoretically) are more like us - expected to be married and fallible. My mother used to tell me often that rabbis could be sacked, and hence were answerable to the community. So I would rate their advice a little above other religious leaders. But I would be much more likely to go to someone more pragmatic.

Would you date/marry a gentile?

I have and did. My brother did so before me, and so broke the ice for my parents. But their main interest was in my happiness, so they judged my husband on his value as a human, not on his religion (a bitter ex-Catholic, bashed at school by the Christian Brothers, who he will never forgive). My father always said that if I got it wrong and there was a god, then He would be more interested in the life I had led and how I had treated others than whether I praised him a heap.

Have you been to Israel?

No, but then I haven’t been to most of the world. I am not much of a traveler, although I have need to travel now and in the future for research for my books. But if I went, it wouldn’t be because I am (sort of) Jewish. I would struggle, however, to go to somewhere which is highly anti-semitic, even though my passport says no religion and my married name is Catholic in origin, so I wouldn’t be identified as Jewish. I would still feel very uncomfortable.

Maybe neither. All day today, my mom was checking to see if there was any news about the “rabbit” in Mumbai. ( :frowning: ) I’ve always heard rabbis called “rabbits” occasionally. It’s just a bit of silliness, I guess.

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you?
Extremely important. It’s absolutely central to my identity. And it gives me an excuse to use lots of Yiddish.

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in?
I go to family gatherings at Passover and sometimes Rosh Hashanah. But that’s about family and tradition, not religion. I light Hannukah candles to entertain my kid and/or any goyim that might be hanging around. When I die, I want somebody to say a Kaddish for me. And my son goes to the JCC after-school program and summer camp, but that’s because of the quality of the program, not because it’s a JCC.

Would you ask a rabbi for advice?
Depends on the rabbi! But I do have a huge amount of respect for Talmudic scholarship and the ways of thinking that it encourages. I also agree with most of the moral and ethical bases of Judaism. So, if I were in a situation where I didn’t know anyone and wanted to ask somebody for advice, a rabbi would certainly be among my first choices.

Would you date/marry a gentile?
Yes.

Have you been to Israel?
No. And I have no specific desire to go there either. I’d like to see it, but mostly because I like to travel and see new places. And I actually do think it would be pretty cool to put a note into the wailing wall. :slight_smile:

:smack: Yes, that was a typo. Sorry.

A religion. I know plenty of Christians who never go to church yet still call themselves Christian - does that make it an ethnicity? How about lapsed Catholics?

Anyway, my main objection to it is that I’ve not-uncommonly heard it applied as ‘once you’re in some way Jewish you’re always a Jew.’ I would think that - to use your example - people who’ve been/had their ancestors persecuted for the religion of their parents would understand why an individual might want nothing to do with the chosen faith of their parents/ancestors. Just my two cents, though.

I agree with this.

I was raised Jewish, even wanted to be a Rabbi, had my Bar Mitzvah, then shortly thereafter decided that I no longer believed in any Supreme Being. I have a great deal of respect for my ancestors, for what they had to fight against for centuries, and especially my grandparents who made great sacrifices to come to this country and build a good life for their children. But that doesn’t specifically have to do with Judaism as a religion, and people of other ethnicities also have a long history of fighting against enormous odds.

But if I’m Jewish in any sense, I’m the most secular Jew in the world. I just don’t share any Jewish beliefs. I believe we are all responsible for the content of our minds, and we are free to choose that content. I was no more “born” Jewish than I was “born” Hindu. And just because I was raised in a particular religion, that doesn’t mean I can’t change those beliefs. I resent it when people still consider me Jewish, for the simple reason that I’m not.

So . . .

How important is my Jewish heritage? I respect my heritage, but it’s really not relevant to my life.

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do I participate in? I go to my cousin’s house for a couple of holiday dinners, but they are totally social occasions (although my cousins are religious).

Would I ask a rabbi for advice? Except for my partner, I generally don’t ask people for advice.

Would I date/marry a gentile? My partner and I are allowed to marry in only two states, and we don’t live in either. And he’s an atheist too.

Have I been to Israel? No, but I’d like to, in addition to many other places.

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you?

Heritage and culture are very important to me; after all, they’re a large part of who I am.

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in?

When I was in college, I was an active Hillel member. I also try to celebrate Hanukkah and Passover because I think they’re important to understanding the history and culture of Judaism. I’ve also got friends who are trying to recruit me for their Reconstructionist synagogue. Since they’re aware of my secularness, I don’t look at it as an insult or an attempt at “conversion.”

Would you ask a rabbi for advice?

Yes. In fact, I have. Some rabbis tend to be fairly non-judgmental and are pretty fair advisors. Others are less so. If it were someone I trusted, I’d be fine with it.

Would you date/marry a gentile?

I have married a gentile. He’s like me in that he’s Irish Catholic by culture and identifies as such, but he doesn’t really practice his religion. We don’t talk about it from a religious perspective.

Have you been to Israel?

Yup, but it was with the US Navy, not as part of any religious pilgrimage. I wouldn’t mind going back, though.

Robin

First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you? I’m probably more hostile to anti-semitic sentiments than I am to anti-Christian ones, but I think both devout Jews and Christians are equally deranged. Judiasm seems more open to rational thought than Christianity does to me, but that may be just because I happen to have known a lot of rational Jews who freely disregard everything about Judaism other than as a way to identify their rational belief system.

What, if any, distinctly Jewish activities/holidays/groups do you participate in? Only those I can be dragged to, kicking and screaming–weddings, bar mitzvahs, funerals, sukkas, etc. I studied Hebrew in public high school for five years, performed well at my Bar Mitzvah, used to speak it and read it pretty well, and Yiddish is my first language, though I adopted bi-lingual (native, really) use of English very early on. I got all sorts of awards and praise and pleasure for attending synagogue and Sunday school through my early teens. For asking questions and pressing my Sunday school teachers for answers, not so much. I cook a dynamite kasha varnishkas.

Would you ask a rabbi for advice? If I wanted to know what not to do, sure.
Would you date/marry a gentile? Love them goyim.
**
Have you been to Israel?** Turned down a few chances to travel to Israel as a journalist for free. I’d probably like the weather, but Arizona’s closer.

**First, how important is your Jewish heritage to you?
**
Fairly important. God may not exist, but my ancestors did, along with their culture. True there are silly rituals, but the love of learning I got from them is very important. I grew up in a neighborhood where Christians were a minority, btw, and especially in the classes I was placed in.
My paternal grandmother, who died when I was very young, was pretty religious, but my maternal grandfather was probably an atheist. He had no trouble with one of his daughters marrying a Catholic, and this was in the '30s. I don’t think my aunt ever became a Catholic either. That his son-in-law was a big Dodgers fan was far more important.

I still light the menorah every year. My daughter was in Bnai Brith in high school, mostly with Russian emigres, but that was more social than religious. I went to a service at that temple once, but it was Reform and didn’t even bring back memories.

Unlikely, first because I know none, and second because I don’t see any special training there.

Did. We wound up getting married in the Ethical Culture Society, which was excellent. I was already a moderate atheist, and would have had no problems with a joint wedding, but no clergy wanted to do it. She went to a Rabbi at her college, and he said she was killing me by wanting to marry me, so we figured screw it.

Nope. My mother went, and said there were too many Jews there. :slight_smile: (And she was from Brooklyn!)

Non-practicing Jew here. I’m perhaps an odd case, because I was raised a “secular humanistic Jew”, so it’s not like I’ve lapsed all that far from what I grew up with. Basically, in my family the religion was always more about our cultural history and customs, not about a specific set of theological beliefs. I still sometimes do a few of the customs I grew up with (e.g. lighting candles on Chanukah) and attend family gatherings for things like Passover. I married a Christian woman and we just had a daughter, who we’ll be baptizing and taking to Church (because it matters to my wife). But I’ll probably teach her a bunch of the Jewish traditions too, just so she gets exposure to both sides of her cultural heritage. I don’t know how much that will matter to her when she’s grown, but I want to keep her options open, so to speak. When she grows up I’m fine with whatever religion she decides to be, including none at all. My Jewish heritage matters to me in the sense that I enjoy having a sense of where my ancestors came from and what their lives were like, but it doesn’t really define me as a person. I woudn’t ask a Rabbi for advice unless he just happened to be a friend of mine or someone I knew personally – that is, I wouldn’t necessarily assume that being a Rabbi makes his advice any better than anyone else’s. I don’t really have any interest in going to Israel. Honestly, I’m a little paranoid about traveling to that part of the world, although on an intellectual level I realize I’m probably greatly overestimating the chance of anything really bad happening to me in the course of a brief trip.

Note, as a Jew living in Israel, my POV is probably closer to that of an agnostic/atheist born into Christianity in the US, that to that of one born into Judaism there. With that in mind…

Important, in the cultural and ethnic sense. I recognize (and deplore, at least somewhat) the fact that this sometimes requires religious symbolism to uphold.

Many, many. It’s like asking a random American if they participate in any way in Christian activities (and yes, letting you kids join in the Easter Egg-hunt at school counts :))
But it really comes with the territory, rather than my seeking any of it out specifically (see initial caveat at top of post)
As a hard atheist, obviously I’m participating in these events for the cultural and societal value they have for me, not for any religious reasons.

Not qua Rabbi – although those holding the position do tend to be intelligent people and often interesting to talk to, as human beings.

Ask me again when I’m available… :smiley:
But in principle, sure.

See top of post :slight_smile: