Being on dialysis: You’re diabetic? (No, genetic disease). Oh, so you’re fine? (No, dialysis keeps me alive, NOT a cure). Don’t you want a transplant? (I’ve been waiting over 5 years). Then I get to hear stories about how their uncle’s cousin’s mailman’s sister’s grandma “cured” their kidney failure, usually with some miracle food or juice.
I no longer say exactly what I do for a living, now usually just say I work for Social Services. When I used to say I worked in child support, I’d either get tons of questions that I could only generally answer (which would irk the person) or get asked why do I hate men.
I actively encourage others to take up the art. I even teach it! It’s the automatic need to top me, without even seeing my stuff, that’s irritating. Only mildly irritating, tho. I love my job. Do people do that to chefs, writers, painters, etc…? Yeah, they probably do
I have a friend who is a nurse-practicioner, people in her neighborhood knock on her door with boo-boos and sick kids a bunch. She really hates it. She always tells them to go to their doctor. The peeps sometimes get irate with her.
The oddest one I get asked regularly is ‘How did you grow your hair so long?’
I’ve yet to figure out an appropriate answer, aside from the mindbogglingly obvious ‘By not cutting it short’. I did consider memorising some of the chemical processes involved in the formation of keratin, but I suspect I’d get bored of that pretty fast.
I frequently get asked what I do for a living, even though I’m semi-retired. (Why is this? I’m not what I do to earn money.) The answer is rather complicated, so my working associates and I just started saying, “I’m an accountant.” That tends to shut people up. (No offense to actual accountants, deceased or living, is intended.)
One day I was at a non-business function and met two guys, one of whom owned a fairly-large local company and the other being a VP in the company. When the inevitable question came up, I gave the standard answer. Their responses were simultaneous, “What KIND of accountant?!?” Turned out that they were looking quite actively for a forensic accountant because of some business problem. I was quite embarrassed at having to confess that I had outright lied to them.
When I mention that I’m an engineer in IT, every second time I get questions like “Oh, I’m not getting email for the last five days, what could it be?” or “My internet/printer/scanner whatever doesn’t work. How can I fix it?” Yeah, as if I could solve your little problem without any context and without access to your computer at someone else’s cocktail party… Or even better, they stick their phones in my face and tell me they had a “strange message” or an app not working and expect me to fix it at once, on a party at the buffet.
I (almost) always get the response, “Oh math was my worst subject.” What am I expected to say to that. Occasionally, I will get someone who actually enjoyed math class and even more rarely, people who study it as a hobby. A friend of my father’s visualized me adding up long columns of numbers. Ugh.
How many kids do you have?
Only one?
Did something happen that you can’t have more?
Didn’t you want more?
Aren’t you afraid he’ll be spoiled?
Don’t you think he deserves a sibling?
What about when you and his dad die, and he doesn’t have anyone left?
IF people ask what I do for a living, I say “Technical writer.” They inevitably follow up with, “so what does that mean?”
If people ask where I’m from, I say, “Green Bay, WI.” And they ALWAYS follow up with, “So, are you a Packers fan?” Yes. I am. And I love cheese and beer. But not brats.
I like cars. When people find out how many I have, they always ask,* “Why do you have ‘X#’ of cars?”*
I just look at 'em and say, “Because I haven’t the bought ‘X#’ + 1 yet.”
My wife raises strange animals. People always ask, “What do you do with them?”
I’m from Kansas originally, so all the usual Wizard of Oz stuff. People, rubies are stones. You don’t want me to take off my slippers and smite you about the head and ears with them. Or maybe you do…I don’t know your life.
My married name is the same as a prominent political family. The “How’s your cousin So-and-So in Washington” got old after about the first two times.
I work in health care policy, specifically Medicare. People will ask me about their Medicare issue, their mom’s Medicare issue, their mom’s Medicaid issue, their problem with Humana/United/BCBS, etc. I also randomly get tagged on tweets because someone is angry about something Medicare (usually their Medicare Advantage plan) is doing.
I’m from Appalachian Ohio. Most people are just curious what that was like.
When I was about 11-15, my hair was down past my butt. Then a weird pubertal thing happened and my already-curly hair went full-on Chandra Levy, and the curl took up some of the length.
But anyway, when it was past my butt, people would always ask “How long has your hair been that long?” I’d answer “Since today.”
I often get asked if I have naturally curly hair, and when I say yes, some people refuse to believe me.
When I was an American Sign Language interpreter, I got three things that drove me nuts. Other interpreters got them to, and we used to talk all the time about how they drove us nuts.
One was “Why isn’t sign language universal? I think it should be universal.” Yes, I am personally the arbiter of sign languages.
Another was some version of “Isn’t it wonderful that you work with Deaf people. That’s so nice.” I hated that, because I got so much out of being with Deaf people, and in the Deaf community, and interpreting was my way of giving back. I did some pro bono work, for people who couldn’t find a source of funding, because the Deaf community is freaking cool, idjits.
Then there were the people who, when I said I was an American Sign Language interpreter, would say “What?” I fell for it the first time, but never again.
Wait, what? What kinda strange animals? I promise I won’t ask you what you do with them. I now need to know. You could have 110 vehicles and I don’t care, but strange animals are a curiosity. So spill.
When people find out I’m a computer programmer, the usual response is “Oh.” Yes, I do in fact have the power to kill conversations.
When people find out I’ve published two books, though, the usual question is “So how many copies have you sold?” I find this tough to answer because I don’t know the exact answer but I suspect its in the single digits. I’ve never figured out the right way to say “not enough to matter” without starting a debate about it.
I grew up in Minnesota, and left in the early 1990’s. I got a lot of questions about Lake Woebegone or it’s creator from adults, and questions about whether I knew Brenda and Brandon (of Beverly Hills 90201 fame) from people my age.
Prior to retirement I was a “systems programmer” at a Fortune 100 company. The best description of my job was what my manager told me at my job interview: “You do whatever needs to be done”.
People often asked what exactly I did, and I quickly learned that any attempt to explain would put them into a glazed-eyed coma. So I usually just said, “mainframe computer stuff”.
Once a coworker referred me to her long-time chiropractor. The staff there asked me what exactly I did, and I replied, “I do the same thing as Ellen”. They hemmed and hawed, and someone finally said, “We’ve never understood what Ellen does”.
Then there are the people who learn I work for [company] and ask if I know their relative/neighbor/friend. Company has 30,000 employees in this metropolitan area, half a million worldwide.
No offense, but I think that’s a fair question. I don’t know what a technical writer does, and I’m not some hayseed.
My job is kind of specialized in the telecom industry, and I’ve learned that many people not only don’t know what the telecom industry is but don’t have any idea what my job title translates to. So I usually just say I’m a lawyer in the cell tower industry. Every now and then someone responds with “what’s the cell tower industry?”, and I have to explain “you know those towers you see along the highway with antennas on them, that allow your cell phone to make a call? That’s what I do”.
You’re lucky you never came across me. I’d just start wailing that John Denver song blue ridge mountains, west virginia, shenandoah river, something something I always thought West Virginia was a nice place, I never knew we were meant to be mean to you. It always sounded nice in that song…
Newperson: “Ooh, are you related to that <very famous killing> pullin?”
Me: “Yes, unfortunately.”
Newperson: “I bet you’re a good shot then!”
Me: --sigh–
I always thought West Virginia was a nice place, I never knew we were meant to be mean to you. It always sounded nice in that song…