Back in my college days when I was waiting tables, I overheard another waitress ask a customer if she wanted light or dark meat. The customer had ordered chicken fried steak. :smack:
The customer gave her an “are you serious” look. I didn’t hear the rest of the exchange, but when I caught up with said waitress, I attempted to explain to her that chicken fried steak is beef and not chicken, so it is not necessary to ask if the customer wants light or dark meat. She had a hard time comprehending this because, as she kept reminding me, “But if it’s beef, why is it called chicken fried steak?” To this day, I’m not sure if that poor girl really knows what chicken fried steak is.
Back in the day I worked for a music store. One day I was in the stockroom doing an inventory check, and a couple other people were having lunch down the hall (out of my view).
The store manager stopped by the lunch table to chat. What follows is the conversation I overheard:
Store Manager: Hey, you got some fresh cookies from the cookie shop. Mind if I have one?
Guy #1: Sure, go ahead.
(sound of bag rustling)
SM: Mmmm these are so goo- oh shit.
(chuckles from Guys #1 and #2)
SM: Dammit. Give me a napkin, would you? … Shit.
(more chuckles)
Guy #2: That looks worse than before. At least before it was just a speck.
Guy #1: Yeah, you probably should have left it alone.
SM: I can’t go upstairs like this. Hey, gimme your soda, I heard soda works really well on stuff like this.
Guy #2: Hey! Awwwww mmmaaaaaaannnnn…
(outright laughter now)
Guy #1: Uh oh, trouser tracks! Bwha ha ha ha ha ha…
SM: Shit oh shit. Dammit to hell!
By now I’m wondering just what is going on down the hall, but given this bunch I figure I will find out in due time. Sure enough, about 10 seconds later, my store manager walks into the stock room, the front of his pants around the fly completely wet. As I’m trying not to gape in astonishment, he says to me,
“You wouldn’t happen to have a blow dryer handy, would you?”
I nearly fell off my chair. (And you know what the guys down the hall made of THAT remark.)
Turns out the gooey chocolate chip cookie he was eating broke apart and some of the melted chocolate got onto his pants. He then used up half a can of Sprite trying to wash the chocolate out. :rolleyes:
‘Are the people in the graves dead?’
Many people who go to the British Museum are quite eager to see the Elgin Marbles; they are in their own gallery, clearly marked, yet every day, Visitor Security in that room are asked, ‘Where are the Elgin Marbles?’
It seems a bit strange at first, but the VS guys say that some people aren’t expecting to see statues; when the visitors hear ‘marbles’ they are thinking of a marble floor, or playing marbles…
There were televisions in the bar at the restaurant I used to work at, normally on a news channel. Whenever something important or interesting was on, the servers would gather around to see what was going on.
We were all watching the video clip of the lawyer ducking behind the tree to avoid getting shot to death. One of my very dim coworkers comes up and asks what was going on.
You have no idea how many people think that you can take a black and white photo and turn it into a color photo just by putting it on a color copying machine.
Nothing fancy, but the question that always irritated me the most is:
“Do you work here?”
Which normally wouldn’t bother me because ok…I don’t wear a name tag. But when I’m standing BEHIND the JEWELERY counter in which you need to go through a door to get to…this question is very idiotic.
When I get asked this, I just want to say
“No, I’m just a warm body they use when nature calls. I just come in to stand guard while they use the potty. When they come back, I go home until next time.”
Oh yeah, like that time I’d just moved here, was living in a motel for 2 weeks, and worked a 2nd job at a nightclub for extra cash and the owner asked me: Do you f*cky sucky?
I used to get people asking me to help them pick out videos on a nigh-constant basis. I don’t quite get why I was apparently a ** porn connosieur **, but I always drew the line at choosing someone else’s whacking materials. I have a tough enough time making a decision for myself.
[QUOTE]
bolding mine.
That just cracked me up for some bizarre reason.
I don’t know if it really qualifies, but customers very often will ask for help picking out a gift and that’s fine. It’s when they’ve picked something out, either at my suggestion or their own finding, and ask "Is this a good gift?" Who in their right mind would say "no you flipping fool, it’s a terrible idea, don’t you know your friend HATES pink?" I know they’re just seeking affirmation in their choice, but why would I ever tell someone no? Especially if it was something I suggested?
On second thought, my contribution doesn’t really qualify considering the thread is about questions you never thought you’d hear at work. I think this has morphed into another “stupid customers” thread, though. YMMV. Or something.
Tow days ago, and I’m not sure which was more disturbing:
One of my students (18 years old), “Is a penguin a bird?”
My boss, head of the maths department, dealing with an email attachment. “Why would I want to save it? I don’t know how to save files. It sounds far too complicated. All I ever do is print it then delete it.”
Conversation between myself and a co-worker at an old retail job.
Co-worker: “Ruadh, you know how sometimes you’re looking at a word and it just doesn’t look right?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Co-worker: “How do you spell ‘customer’?”
When I worked in fast food there was an incredibly dense girl who asked astoundingly stupid questions all the time. One of her shining moments was when she came up to me one day holding an empty tape dispenser and a new roll of tape, asking me, “Can you put this in for me? I don’t know how to do it.” :smack: This was just an ordinary desktop tape dispenser (for attaching receipts to bags on to-go and drive-through orders). Nothing too complex, except for her.
I got plenty of stupid customer questions from this and the job I had afterwards at an office supply store, but I’ll save most of these for such a thread when it comes up. The one that stands out in my mind right now is when we had a power failure while I was working in the office supply store. Not just one, but several (like at least a dozen) different customers asked me, “When will the power be back on?” Yeah, like I work for the friggin’ power company! :rolleyes:
This brought back some fond college memories when I worked part time at Videoland. “Do you rent movies?” was by far the most commonly asked questions. My own “floored” moment was much along the same lines, albeit over the phone. One night, around 11:30, eighteen-year-old naive farmgirl me answers the phone:
me: Good evening, Videoland. How may I help you?
him: Hi, I just finished watching a movie, and … uh… I was wondering if you had any follow-up services?
me: (thinking WTF?) You mean like a sequel?
him: (laughing) No, no… it was an adult movie…
me: (still clueless) Do you have a specific title you are looking for??
him: (patiently) No, no… I just watched an adult film and a little turned on… do you offer any follow up services?
me; (light dawning, blushing, stammering) Er, um… no… I’m afraid not sir…
It was a real eye-opening experience, but very funny once I got what he was asking for.
