Why isnt common sense common?, stupid customer questions

:smiley: I might be writing a book, and would love some input from you all. I am basically asking for stupid customer requests…i.e. (asked of a island resort worker) Does the water go all the way around the island? -or- Why aren’t there any matinees at the Drive-In? -or- Where can I find the 600 DPI paper? I hope you get my drift. Please let me know of any web sites as well. Thank you for your time.
-Marcus Hillman

This should be in the forum In My Humble Opinion. You should email a moderator to ask him or her to move it for you.

This thread will be moved to IMHO or MPSIMS…but in the interim…

Calls to AAA roadservice and free directions:

Can you give me a trip tik (directions) from Michigan to Florida while avoiding mountains and heat?

Working in video store:

A customer insists that I must accpet his 50 dollar bill. I told him we cannot accept such large bills, hence the sign. He insists that I must take it (rental bill was $2.50…it was 9am). I told him we can’t take 50’s…and he got hostile. I took his $50, he waited…and waited…and waited for change. I told him there was no gurantee he’d see any change before lunch.

He got a cop.

The cop mediated and I returned the fifty. Although he told the customer that he shouldn’t demand anyone take money from him. Cop and I laughed afterwards.

Welcome to the SDMB, mhill007.

The dumbest question I get asked regularly is “Do you work here?” asked of me usually when I am sitting at the Information Desk in the library I work in. My inner smart-ass always wants to answer, “No, I just go here really early this morning so I took the good desk!”

For an endless supply of computer related stories, see the “Computer Stupidities” section of Rinkworks:



This is more of a poll than a General Questions a factual answer. IMHO is the forum for opinions and polls.

I’ll move this to IMHO for you.

DrMatrix - General Questions Moderator

I once had someone ask me how he should reimburse the college for an e-mail he sent to Rome. He seemed to think there was a long distance charge on e-mail.

Recently, I had someone call me asking why his e-mail to his secretary bounced. We use Microsoft Outlook and he was talking about our web access, so I gave him some general advice. He called me and said that wasn’t it. He’d send the mail to “CHarrison” and sometimes it would get through, and other times it would bounce. After a few questions, I discovered he was using two account: our college Outlook account (which looks up e-mail addresses on the system) and Hotmail. I had to explain why Hotmail didn’t recognize “CHarrison” as an e-mail address.


It’s like a big Pit for venting about dumbass customers. Pretty sweet.

Guin from the SDMB is a mod there too.

In a bank…

“Got any spare change?” hardee-hardee-har

“Are you handing out free samples today?” hardee-har-har-har (thinking to myself with a pleasant smile on my face, "Get out of my f*cking face, jackass!)

“What do you mean I need to show ID? I’ve had my account here for 100 years.” (Yeah, but I’ve only worked here one month, and I don’t know you.)

“What do you mean I need to show ID? Do I look like a crook to you?” (Maybe you can tell me what a crook looks like, m’kay?)

“This line moves too slow.” (However, the people that bitch about it the most never have their paperwork completed when they come to the teller window… standing there holding up the line behind them.)

“What do you mean there’s insufficient funds on that check? That’s impossible because that check was written to me by a cop.” (… and cops never bounce checks, of course.)

Check casher: “I hate this bank 'coz it’s owned by a bunch of Jews.”
Me: “No, it’s a huge corporation owned by the shareholders.”
Check casher: “…who are a bunch of Jews!”

I’m glad I don’t work in retail anymore… oh, brother!

(Greetings mhill007 from a former Camarillo resident)

These are not my personal stories, but were related to me by the person they were asked of:

Cruise Ship Passenger: “Does the ship generate its own electricity?”

Cruise Ship Employee: “No. We just run a really, really long extension cord out behind us.”

Cruise Ship Passenger: “Oh.”

C.S. Passenger: “How do I get to the Space Shuttle?”

C.S. Employee: “The space shuttle? I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am…”

C.S. Passenger (rolling her eyes): “Duh. The Space Shuttle! You know…the rocket that goes into space? I want to see it in person.”

C.S. Employee (realization dawning): “Uh, ma’am? This is Nassau Island. You’re thinking of NASA. Two very different things.”

(Apparently it took awhile to make this woman understand that she wasn’t at the NASA Space Center.)

My favorite question was back in the 70’s when I worked in a record store. A girl came in and asked if I could help her find an album.
“I don’t know the name of the band or the name of the song, but there’s a picture of the band on the cover.”
She couldn’t believe I didn’t know which one she was talking about. :rolleyes:

Another question I got was “What’s that song they play on the radio?”
“Which station?”
“All of them!”

When I lived in the wild, wild west I had to field this question a time or two:

When do deer turn into elk?

I always answered, right about dusk, but you have to be very quiet or you’ll scare them off and you won’t see anything…

That computer stupidity link posted by Belrix is great! Reminds me of someone I encountered in about 1996, who was typing URLs ending in “.calm”!

-Andrew L

When I was working at a library in Columbus, OH a patron asked me for the name of the movie that Shakespeare actually starred in. I asked if she was referring to Shakespeare in Love (which at the time was just released on video), but no, she said Shakespeare was her favorite author and she knew there was a movie that he actually appeared in. It was quite challanging trying to explain to her that Shakespeare died hundreds of years before movies were invented. She left saying she was going to try Blockbuster.

When I was bartending:

Customer: Do you have free drinks for the designated driver?

Me: Sure.

Customer: OK, hmmm…I’ll have a Bud.

Waitress (after I made her tables’ drink order): How do I know which drink is which?

Me: OK, I’ll put a blue straw in the Pina Colada and a yellow straw in the rum and Coke.

When I was a waitress at a fish and chips restaurant:

Customer: How many pieces of fish are in the two piece dinner?

Me: Well, the amount of fish is arbitrarily decided by the kitchen staff. The “two pieces” refers to the number of fries that you get.

Customer: Huh?

Sheeesh. Thanks for the memories…:smiley:

Working at a bakery/cafe:

“Which is better: the hard-boiled egg, or the blueberry danish?”

One of life’s more difficult questions.

This is one that my sister got at work: “What’s the difference between the white labels and the clear labels?”

During my last week working in a bagel store: “Is your chicken spatzle soup vegetarian?”

Working at a computer lab: a woman called complaining she had difficulty connecting to the Internet. After walking her through various configuration issues, I asked:

“Are you connecting through a modem?”
“Do you have more than one phone line?”

I guess that last one’s under the category of “Dumb Questions I Should’ve Asked the Customer Early On to Avoid Further Dumb Questions Asked by the Customer.”

It’s not only customers. I remember walking up the counter at Wendy’s:

Me: I’d like the salad bar, please.
Clerk: For here or to go?

When I was a customer service rep for a local cable television company. The number one complaint was

“My cable only goes out when I am watching TV!”