** Do you have a bathroom? **
I’m here for eight hours a day and drink coffee. Sometimes I answer “NO” and watch them try to figure it out.
I work about three to four evenings a week at an upscale grocery store. My favorite:
“Are you open?” No, I just like to stand here at a register with my light on looking bored out of my skull for the hell of it.
While standing three feet from the entrance to the express line: “How do you get in?” Walk to your left three steps and move forward.
We also have a cafe. “Where are your menus?” In the box marked “Menus” under the big sign labeled “Menus” right as you come in the door.
My favorite: “So, what do you think about Bush?”:rolleyes: stupid republicans.
But that one begs a simple answer: “I like it neatly trimmed. You?”
I work in a paintball store. I stand behind a row of display cases with my back to a 15 foot long wall that displays about 40 paintball guns, many of which are very brightly colored and shaped just like…well…paintball guns. A customer walked into my store, looked me in the eye, looked behind me, and asked " Do you guys sell paintball guns, or just accessories?"
One of my favorites was being behind someone in a copy store who was having transparancies made. She kept insisting that she wanted the transparancies copied “double sided” and was getting angry at the counter person who kept trying to tell her that that probably wasn’t what she wanted. She finally got angry and left to find another store.
I always wondered how those transparancies ever turned out. 
I’m so glad I left customer service for the back of the house. People drive me NUTS!!!
At the deli counter of a health food store:
Customer: Is couscous rice or pasta?
Me: Little Morrocan pasta.
C: No, it’s rice. It’s too small to be pasta.
Me: If you knew, why did you ask?
I had to get a box of couscous that said it was pasta made from semolina wheat to show my staff so they didn’t misinform any of the more reasonable customers.
Then of course there’s the lady who brought in her own containers to put the deli salads in. As this is not allowed buy the Health Department, we always told her we couldn’t do that. If she wanted to buy a salad, we’d have to put it in one of our containers that she was more than welcome to wash and reuse as she saw fit. She tried to sue us.
OK, but I have walked into stores that had the doors open, lights on, and employees going about their business, only to have someone scream at me, “What are you doing here! We’re closed!”
One of my favorite posts EVER on the sdmb - I can’t find the thread via search and can’t remember the poster, but it’s out there…, NOT my anecdote.
To paraphrase:
Lady in line at KFC: I’d like a 10-pc bucket of chicken, please.
15 year old kid behind counter: Is that for here or to go?
Lady: (indignant) Do I look like I’m gonna sit here and eat a whole bucket of chicken???
Kid: Hey, chill, bitch! I don’t know your life!!!
Still cracks me up. I use that all the time, to Mrs Stockton’s dismay…
Stupid question from anyone = Chill, bitch! I don’t know your life!!!
I once read a story by a zoo worker who was tending a hands-on display of various bird artifacts that included, among other things such as feathers, nests, and eggshells, a colorful toucan’s beak so that people could see the intricate internal structures. One person commented, “Wow, I didn’t know they shed those things!”
Having spent some time working in a computer games store (an EB actually), I can relate, and fully understand the suffering that goes on at:
It’s not related so much to stupid questions, just stupid people.
This one isn’t stupid, actually - last time I was there, they had a one-visit salad bar option for a lesser price. They give you a to-go container and let you fill it up.
Asked at a BBQ restaurant:
customer: Whats the difference between pork and beef ribs?
me: Pork ribs come from a pig and beef ribs come from a cow.
customer: Oh! Ok.
customer: Whats the difference between sliced beef and chopped beef?
me: sliced beef is sliced and chopped beef is chopped up.
While working at the service desk of a Sears Hardware Store, I got inquiries as to whether we sold toys, clothes, office supplies and flowers. By far the most … unusual request was this:
Brain-dead Customer: Do you sell chicken here?
Me (certain I’d misheard): Chicken?
B-d C (belligerent tone): Yeah, meat!
Me: Umm… no, this is a hardware store.
B-d C then gave me an indignant glare that suggested that any self-respecting hardware store should have a meat case and proceeded to stomp out the door in a huff.
I think I stared blankly after her for about 10 minutes.
While working at Domino’s:
Me: Would you like a 12-inch or a 16-inch pizza?
Customer: How big is a 16-inch pizza?
My father worked for a few years at an independant hardware-type store. He reports the following episode:
Customer returns vacuum cleaner due to missing part.
Dad: Do you want to take a replacement part from one of these [boxed] vacuums?
Huffy Customer: No. I want a new one.
Dad: Okay. Here you go.
Huffy Customer: Well, how do I know this one has all its pieces? Open it up!
Dad: (complying) Looks like they’re all there.
Huffy Customer takes another box from the shelf.
Dad: Where are you going? What about this vacuum?
Huffy Customer: You can’t expect me to take that one. It’s been opened!
I used to be a buyer in a scrap yard. In addition to regular scrap metals we also bought aluminum cans and plastic soda bottles.
By far the dumbest/most pervasive question:
Customer: Do the cans weigh more if you smash them?
I swear someone asked me that at least once a day.
I work in the Conference Department of a university. Just today, a prospective client called, inquiring about the residence halls (conference groups stay in the dorms during the summer). He had a map of the dorm, and saw that the rooms didn’t have bathrooms. I replied that each floor have the usual communal bathroom (it’s a dorm – that’s typical, right?). He then asked – and this is the kicker – if the bathroom has showers.
I really wanted to reply, “No, our students are dry-clean only.” But I didn’t. :rolleyes:
The “do you work here” thing really got to me at my last job. I was wandering around in my off hours, purse in hand, nametag nowhere to be found, shopping for presents and some customer came right up to me and insisted I help her find a CD. Yet without fail, when I was nametagged and hauling a massive cart full of books, or shelving like mad, or standing behind the info desk … “Do you work here?” Noooo, I just got this nifty Borders badge at Hot Topic!
Also, picture if you will a large bookstore with big glass windows. Most of the lights are off, except for the cafe portion, where there are rows of chairs lined up, full of employees, and the manager of the store is in front of them with a TV and a big flowchart, talking to them. It’s three freaking hours before the store opens as usual. So why are there people banging on the doors to be let in??
On the other hand, I once ordered Fish’n’Chips at a Bob’s Big Boy and the waitress asked if I wanted fries with it.
Perhaps she used to work at McDonalds?
Not really mine, but I mentioned this thread to my mother during our last conversation.
She works at H&R Block at the moment to help pick up some extra money.
She said that the by far most common, annoying question that she is asked is “When are taxes due?”
I know some people have bad memories (I certainly do), I would hope that the average American taxpayer would know the answer to that quesiton.