" Do you think the neighbors are having a fire? It looks like it’s in our yard."
11:15 New Year’s Eve some years ago
How about when you don’t even want to hear the question?
“Hi, is this David’s mom?”
So, Doc, how long do I have?
No. How does it work?
Some questions, you don’t want the answer.
Others, you just have to be there.
Why does my toothbrush taste funny?
Your what hurts?
How many guys have you slept with before me?
This week?
Did the Cubs win?
You’re on the pill, right?
At work, my standard answer to these types of questions:
"My name is Schultz. I don't know, I don't wanna know."
Life is so much easier with this philosphy.
Why did that man take a camera into the bathroom with him?
These two comments:
Were really amusing, back-to-back.
Er, not that I’m saying anything about you two, you understand.
Was the hotel in Illinois?
Why don’t I cast a reflection in the mirror any more?
Not very funny, but I once saw a young woman and a baby (toddler? She was holding the kid, however old s/he was) standing on the side of a very busy road in North Jersey.
It’s kind of hard to describe the layout of the road, but it wasn’t like a street corner, where she might have been waiting for a ride, or a highway entrance, where she might have been panhandling or hitching. It wasn’t even likely that she was hooking, as unpleasant as that thought is, because it was someplace where cars couldn’t safely stop. It simply looked as if she’d been in a car that had stopped, safe or not, and the driver had ordered her out, with the kid, and she was waiting for enough of a break in the traffic so she could get to a building or a phone.
I might not be upset by the answer to “What happened afterwards?” but I know I don’t want the answer to “How did they end up there?” 
Why are all the ads at the bottom of this page for toilets?
After grudgingly agreeing to a sleep-over in the back yard to celebrate my son’s 16th birthday, I awakened at 3:00 a.m. and wondered, “Why are there three policemen in my yard?” My wife put on her housecoat and hurried outside, then came back inside a few minutes later. She actually said to me, “Go back to bed. You don’t want to know.”
Ah, blissful ignorance!
“Have you had better than me”?
Just how the Hell did I miss catching that?
My favorite question that I do not want to know the answer to is “Why did some person do this?”
And, of course, there’s always diaper Lotto: “How did that get there?” It never needs, nor wants, an answer.
All in one conversation, right?
Yes.
One conversation.
Three people.
Ever watch Friends?
“My name is Crap Bag. It’s easy to remember- if you ever forget, just think of a bag of crap.”