Hang on in there ageless6. Been there, done that. It’s tough but it IS do-able.
At the end of the day, amidst all the other issues, it just comes down to whether you want to live for you or for the tobacco execs.
TR: Good morning.
You: Hi. What do you want?
TR: I’d really like you to stick these things in your mouth and inhale the smoke.
You: Uh? What are they?
TR: Rolled up pieces of paper with processed bits of tobacco leaf in them.
You: And you want me to… uh?
TR: Yep. Set fire to them, stick them in your mouth and inhale.
You: Er… if it’s not a dumb question… why?
TR: So that myself and my colleagues can draw good salaries, send our kids to private schools, buy big houses, afford really high-class hookers. The usual.
You: Uh-huh. And what’s in it for me?
TR: Ah. Well. Not a lot really. Um, the thing is, these things contain one of the most highly addictive substances on earth, so after you’ve smoked 1 or 2 you’ll actually have interfered with the functioning of your own brain. You’ll actually thing a poison is something you need!
You: No shit?!
TR: True as I’m standing here. And once that’s happened, you’ll convince yourself of all sorts of crap about why you want to carry on smoking. It helps you relax, or to cope with stress, or stuff like that.
You: And none of that’s true?
TR: Complete rubbish. Look around! Millions of peoplpe do stressful jobs without smoking, or who find other ways to relax. But believe me, one or two of these babies and you’ll be cranking out a dozen reasons a minute as to why it makes sense to carry on. Christ, you’ll even kid yourself you’re defending your right to independence, or stuff like that.
You: Well, won’t that part be true?
TR: Oh sure, like there’s a whole bunch of freedom in getting your body addicted to a poisonous substance. Obviously, the ‘freedom’ would consist of telling me and the rest of the industry to go screw ourselves.
You: Okay. So, let me get this straight. There’s no real benefit to me, and the only reason you want me to do this is so you can get rich at my expense?
TR: In a nutshell, yes. So, how about it?
You: Mmm. And for how long do you want me to do this?
TR: Every day for the rest of your life.
You: Gee. That’s a lot!
TR: I can’t deny that. It is a lot.
You: But apart from the addictive thing, there’s no side-effects or anything?
TR: Ah. Well. Er… just a few. The cigs do contain tar.
You: Tar?
TR: Basically, that’s a catch-all term for a weird cocktail of known toxic compounds, some of them highly carcinogenic, that will gradually build up in your lungs and other parts of your body.
You: Wow. sounds like it could make me very ill!
TR: Well, not exactly. I mean, no-one can prove anything bad will happen. There are people who smoke these things and live a hale and hearty life until they’re 99.
You: Really?
TR: Yeah. They’re statistical flukes, of course, but we tend to focus on them a lot. For the majority, it’s a very different story. Cancer, emphysema, thrombosis… serious shit like that. But obviously I wouldn’t want to dwell on those.
You: No, no. Quite. Er, you know, I’m going to have to think about this. By the way, I might do it if it’s cheap. These things aren’t expensive are they?
TR: Well, kinda. We’d expect you to get up to about 20 a day at least, and here are the prices. (Shows price list).
You: Wow! That’s a whole chunk o’ change! You know, I think I could probably find something better to do with the money.
TR: Aw, but come on [ lights up a sample ], these things make you look really, really cool. And it’s something to do when you’re watching TV. Or after sex.
You: Sorry, I’m not convinced. And… if you don’t mind me saying… they smell pretty bad.
TR: Actually, you’re right, the smell will get into your clothes and carpets and stuff. But it’s like I said before, once you get the nicotine into you’re brain, you’ll actually kid yourself that doesn’t matter.
You: Look, suppose I decide to try these things. I can stop whenever I want, right?
TR: Technically, yes. That’s your choice. In fact, you’ll find it a real bitch. Strong men have cried trying to quit. Like I said before, they contain one of the most addictive compounds known to science.
You: Okay. I’ve listened to all you have to say, and frankly, I think I’ll pass. Frankly, I’m amazed you ever make a sale.
TR: It is amazing, isn’t it?
You: I think I’ll keep my brain and lungs just as they are, thanks. And you, and your buddies, can - as you rightly put it - go screw yourselves. Bye!