Rampaging pastry cooks (or how to get rid of an ugly couch)

I’ll preface this with the “old couch” story.

We had an old couch in the garage. It was ugly, dirty, and old but we kept it in case we wanted to finish our basement & stick and old, ugly couch in it. I got tired of it two weeks ago and hauled it to the curb with a “Free Sleeper Sofa” tag on it.

Two days it sat there, with people driving by, until somebody took the pillows from this pillow-back sofa. Not the whole sofa, just the pillows. Now it’s ugly and uncomfortable.

I haul it over to where the trash cans are picked up. The garbage man ignores it. Too big, I guess. I check when the next city-sponsored large-item cleanup is scheduled and find that my city is no longer doing them for financial reasons.

A call to my trash service says for $50 they’ll haul it off. No thanks.

So, this past weekend I chop it up into pieces. I really wish I had a Sawzall for this but I didn’t so I used hand tools, a pocket knife, and brute force. I stacked the chunks by the curb to wait for next trash pickup.

So - last night was a night of strangeness.

Somebody tried to steal the kids playground-thing we have in our front yard. It’s one of those Little-Tikes climb & slide things. We’ve had it for maybe six years and my youngest rug-rat still gets a lot of mileage out of it.

We found it dragged into the street, beside the curb, as if somebody tried to take it and couldn’t fit it in their trunk. Strangely, surrounding it, splattered on the curb, and covering one side, is either cool-whip or cake icing. Spread widely over the road is a bunch of colored sprinkles.

Sprinkles? Marauding bakers roaming my neighborhood? Good Humor men gone bad? The notorious Wilton’s gang?

They’ve also taken the dead couch pieces. All of them.

My flabber- is officially -gasted.

Maybe they were having a birthday party and needed a kids’ present and decided to steal it and it smooshed the cake when they tried to load it into their vehicle?

Thank you for posting this. I had a crappy day at work and this made me laugh out loud.


My friend, I fear you have been the victim of the feared Tasty-Cake Gang. It truly is incredible that you’re still alive. The ruthless gang is being tracked all through the nation, causing destruction, death, theft, and dessert toppings.

I …
How truly bizarre. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can imagine any teenager with their very first apartment that they furnish with those giant spools for coffee tables and bricks for entertainment centers taking the couch, but…

SPRINKLES??? It’s like having your front yard invaded by Rip Taylor.

Rip Taylor can invade my “front yard” any time!
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Are we talking about the same guy, here? Over-the-top blond wig, throws confetti a lot, Hollywood Squares staple?

Or could you possibly mean Rip Torn?

Please let it not be Rip Taylor…

Well, her name is The Weird One.