Rank the Holidays From Worst To Best

In My Humble Opinion
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Here is a thread I started about it in GD. I’m aware my opinion is not popular.

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Given that I’m a dirty, money-grubbing, blood-drinking, Gentile-woman-raping, well-poisoning, Zionist Rothschild Freemason Illuminati hook-nosed Jew, Christmas and Easter are out. But I’ll do my best anyway, with my limited palette of craven, evil rituals.

  1. Purim. The only religious holiday where you’re actually supposed to get fucked up. The official statement from the religious scholars is “so drunk that you can’t tell the difference between Haman and Esther,” which would have to be pretty fucking fucked up.

  2. Passover. The food is always badass. And I always get high afterwards with the other Jew boys. They don’t call it “pass-over” for nothing.

  3. “Thanksgiving.” I put it in quotes because Jews can’t really be thankful in any genuine way, given that we are evil, greedy, and never satisfied no matter what you give us. But the roasted Christian baby is excellent.

  4. Hannukah. Getting presents is always good. I got a new Christian-beheading sword (the real thing, made in Israel) last year.

  5. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. They’re really boring, but sometimes you have to have a boring holiday to plan world domination.

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Worst to best –

Halloween. Come on, people, it’s a “holiday” about dead things. Yuk. 364 days a year we tell children not to take candy from strangers, not to beg for stuff. One day we send them out to beg candy from strangers. How bizarre. Plus it is 100% definite that summer is over, that it’s a long, long time before it’s sunny and warm again. Grownups in costume? Please. I HATE halloween.

All the manufactured “greeting card” holidays – Mothers’ Day, etc. Institutionalized guilt assuagement. I asked to be a mother. Treat me nice all year, don’t ignore me and then assume you can make up for it with a card and some flowers. (This is not true of my family, BTW.) Ditto for Valentine’s Day, Fathers’ Day, etc., etc.

Saint Patricks Day – another manufactured holiday. What’s the big deal about being Irish? Proud of your heritage? Fine. I have nothing to do with it so leave me out of it. No, I’m not going to pretend I’m Irish for you.

Labor Day - Well, I like getting the day off, but it’s a bummer to finally bid adieu to summer.

Easter – as a non-religious person I am about as neutral as one can be to a holiday. Meh. Nice that the days are getting longer, though.

Patriotic holidays are OK by me. It’s a good idea IMHO to pay at least some cursory acknowledgement to the veterans and current members of the armed forces. I couldn’t have done what they did, and am appreciative. It has nothing to do with whether you like the current admin or not. The guys on Iwo Jima, the beaches of Normandy, the fields of Gettysburg and Yorktown, and on the back roads of Boston are worthy of praise IMHO. And yes, I’m aware that there are non-Americans equally worthy of the honor of defeating fascism and tyranny.

Plus Memorial Day is a great day off in usually nice weather. I like the 4th of July fireworks. They’re pretty, and fun.

Thanksgiving – A great holiday. It’s about being thankful for family and food to eat. All you have to do is get together, talk about how great it is that everyone is here, remember those who aren’t, and enjoy a nice meal together. I love to cook, and enjoy baking all that stuff that my family likes.

Christmas – THE BEST! It’s really the winter solstice, to me, a celebration that 3 days have gone by and the days are still getting longer. Yippee! We are not going to freeze in the dark. Let’s have a party! Light things up! Sparkle! Plus what I said about Thanksgiving.

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What, no love for International Talk Like a Pirate Day? Arrrrh!:dubious::(:mad::eek:

Good: Thanksgiving, Hallowe’en, Christmas (sometimes), Valentine’s Day (sometimes)

Meh: St. Pat’s, Easter, Labor Day, Memorial Day, New Year’s Eve

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Last) Any holiday in which the government gets a day off and I don’t (e.g. Columbus Day, Veterans Day)

  1. Valentine’s Day - because at least the government doesn’t get it off, either

  2. Memorial Day - I get a day off, but not much else

  3. Easter - no days off, but I get to have dinner with my family and chocolate eggs

  4. Labor Day - Free corn! And at the parade, I get to make comments like “You know, the rest of the year, we teach kids not to take candy from strangers and not to eat anything they picked up off the ground…”

  5. Halloween - Costumes and candy. I like to see the cute kids, I like to give out candy and yeah, I dress up sometimes.

  6. Thanksgiving - Ham (yes, ham!) and pumpkin pie. And it’s not the women doing the cooking either. My BIL and my nephew do most of the cooking, everyone else brings 1 dish (2 if they’re ambitious). Yeah, there’s turkey, but they make ham, too. Plus: two days off work.

  7. Christmas - It’s my birthday!