So, I read this thread, and I decided to do a little bit of research.
I mean, stupid me, listening to rap, and I never realised that what I was listening to wasn’t actually music!
I decided to listen to something that was music.
Now, everyone knows that rock music is music. For instance, there’s that old song about “rock 'n roll music” and something about choosing it. And it’s just got to be (rock n roll) music (if you want to dance with me), since it was around when lots of old people were teenagers, and you just know that they wouldn’t have spent their youth grooving to something that wasn’t music.
Well, thought I, let me listen to this Rock and/or Roll! I shall find the epitome of rock, and listen to it, so that I can truly discover what music is.
But what is the epitome of rock?
Elvis? No, too early. The genre was only beginning and had not established features and patterns.
The Beatles? Same problem - they were so influential on the genre that what they did ended up helping define what was and wasn’t rock.
No, I needed something that was big, popular yet not specifically doing anything new… but undoubtably ROCK!
Now, I don’t know what that says to you, but to me that says Queen. Guitars, costumes, excess, tragic death and loud noises: could anything be more rock 'n roll?
Well, I skipped Bohemian Rhapsody; it’s an anomaly that shouldn’t be used as the basis for an exploration into rock n roll.
So I slipped into the CD player that disc… Queen’s Greatest Hits, Volume 1 (or maybe 2, I don’t actually own it - the narrative is purely for effect).
And pressed play. I listened to We Will Rock You.
So rock that it even has rock in the title.
It starts with a beat. Big pounding beat.
Oh dear… just a beat?
This cannot be music.
Then the vocals begin… relief.
But the vocals… they aren’t being sung! They are sort of being chanted! They’re being talked, spoken, shouted… not rapped… yet they are not being sung!!!
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
It’s OK. Rock will redeem itself. The chorus will be sung. It shall be musical.
We. Will. We. Will. ROCK YOU!
It wasn’t. Possibly a tiny bit more melodious than the rest of the song, but it was certainly nowhere near as melodic as the chorus to Snoop Dogg’s Who Am I (What’s My Name) or Eminem’s Cleaning Out My Closet or - gasp - even Nelly’s Hot In Herrrrrre*.
*Please excuse use of gratuitous quantities of R.
Like pounding Dre beats, the chorus hammered itself into my head, running back and forth like the DJs hand on a turntable. My mind was digging through its metaphorical crates to determine just how something like rock music could be no more musical than a dreaded hip hop song. I was spouting gibberish like a battler with stage fright. I mean, it’s tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time, it’s tricky, but I’d expect real musicians like Freddie Mercury and the Queens to be able to rise above the standards of those gang-banging thugs and general no goodniks Darryl McDaniels and his other two boys from Queens.
But my point is, the thing, the goddamn Queen song, this hallowed song by one of the hallowed names in rock music, (yes music) was not musical. It was no more musical than your average rap song, which as we all know just isn’t music.
I’m going to leave the last word to Mr Chuck D, of Public Enemy.
**Me: Chuck D, people are saying that rap isn’t music, that it’s just noise. What do you have to say to that?
Chuck D: Turn it up! Bring the noise!**