Shinto funeral in Japan (for my fiancee’s father):
Note: Since most funeral ceremonies in Japan are Buddhist (Shinto priests usually just do weddings, festivals and coming-of-age ceremonies), most of the guests had no idea what to do.
Upon arriving, all guests signed their names in a registry book, and gave an envelope of money to the deceased’s family. The amount of money depends on the guest’s relation to the family, and there are many etiquette books available that list the right amount for each person to give (The deceased’s boss, I believe, gives the most. Presumably because he is most likely the one responsible for the deceased’s present condition). According to the book, as the Deceased’s Daughter’s Foreigner Boyfriend, I was supposed to give 2000 yen ($20).
The whole thing was done by a professional ceremony company (they had a large building for weddings a few blocks away), so the rooms were fairly generic: 10-15 rows of benches with the casket at the front of the room, surrounded by lots of flower bouquets. The casket was an open, plain pine box, and the body was wrapped in a simple shroud, with no embalming.
First, the priest gave a long chant in a low, rumbling voice. After about 5 minutes, I realized the chant was actually my would-be father-in-law’s life story: where he was born, were he went to school, what company he worked for, etc.This went on for about 20 minutes.
Next, each of the guests walked up to the coffin and performed a brief prayer ritual that went: take small laurel branch from table, pointing the brach towards self. Turn branch 90 degrees clockwise and place it in front of the deceased’s picture. Holding hands in the standard ‘prayer’ position, bow twice to the picture. Silently clap twice. Bow once more and return to seat. (Note: this was over two years ago, so the order may not be exactly right)
After another chant by the priest, everyone got up and, one by one, took a flower from the bouquets and placed it in the coffin. After everyone had done this, the coffin was taken to the crematorium next door. A group of close family and friends went with the coffin to watch it being placed in the oven. The other guests (co-workers, casual acquaintances and friends of friends) went home at this point.
As a side note: The crematorium was particularly creepy, as it very closely resembled the sets of movies portraying futuristic funerals: Large, empty room, one wall lined with doors that look exactly like elevator doors. Small clusters of people here and there, following behind priests of various religions (two or three Buddhist groups, one Christian group over in the corner).
After the doors on the oven closed, we went back to the ceremony hall where the priest recited a long prayer/chant until the cremation was finished. After the prayer, we went back to the crematorium where the charred pieces of bone and a small urn were brought out on a table. The guests approached the table by twos. The two then each took a pair of chopsticks, and together, picked up a single piece of bone, and passed it the deceased’s widow and daughter (who were also using chopsticks), who then placed the bone into the urn. The guests then passed their chopsticks to the next pair of guests and moved to the end of line. This continued through several cycles, until all the pieces were inside the urn.
This was the end of the ceremony. There was a lunch, provided by the ceremony company, for the family and friends. After lunch, gifts (also provided by the company) were given to the guests.
Btw, The rule of ‘money for the family, gifts for the guests’ also applies to weddings in Japan.
–sublight.
P.S. She’s still my fiancee.
