Read Snopes, then stop sending me this fucking bullshit!

The BBQ Pit
1

Wisely or unwisely, I have kept touch with some of my friends from high school (I graduated four years ago). After about the first year or so, they stopped responding to my phone calls. Then they stopped responding to my emails and IMs.

This would’ve been fine. Things change, and people drift apart–I think I always made my friends a little uncomfortable, being the token “liberal” in the crowd, and if they wanted to cut me loose, I understand. (Please keep in mind these are the same people who invite me to their bridal/baby showers in order to get gifts and didn’t even send a “congrats” note when I got married.)

SO WHY IN THE BLUE BLOODY FUCK HAVE THEY STARTED SENDING ME DUMB FUCKING SPAM EMAILS FULL OF GOD-AWFUL LIES?!?!?!

First it was the dumb one about the Swiffer Wet-Jet being harmful to animals:

But that’s okay, you might say. They’re just concerned because you (and all the 305,302 other people on their list) have pets. It’s not a problem, just delete it and move on.

Here’s the thing, though: When you are a fucking senior biochem major going into medical school and you don’t know the difference between the contents of Swiffer Wet-Jet and antifreeze, you have a problem. Do you REALLY think people need antifreeze to clean the kitchen floor?! If so, please don’t go to medical school. I would say get a job in fast-food, but since that involves, you know, CLEANING things, maybe you should just stay home for the rest of your life.

The worst one, however, was the anti-homosexual screed based on the (supposed) rudeness of the ABC network to a Christian viewer:

This time they at least got about half the details correct. However, here’s the thing: they know I have been and am involved with gay rights. They also know I am not a Christian. Another “friend” on the list is gay. He has a good sense of self-worth and courtesy and would probably never mention it. But why on God’s green earth would you send something like that to him in the first place, especially with enormous hyperbole such as “OMG! Gay people on The Practice! The next thing you know we’ll be expected to tolerate gay people buying their milk at the grocery store like the rest of us!” (okay, that might be my own hyperbole) and “Gay marriage will invalidate my marriage (never mind that you only married him because you were “forced” into it by pregnancy before age 18, and you’re actually legally separated now)!” Oh…I know why you sent it…because you’re a 72-pt-font CUNT.

So I sent back an email to the offender with links to Snopes for the relevant issues, and kindly asked her not to send me anymore of her spam. I refrained from saying “bless your little pea-pickin’ heart” because really, that’s just rude.

2

Amen!

I’ve lost count of how many people have sent me “Katrina Pictures” from the storm in Iowa, or “I’m a bad American” by George Carlin\Andy Rooney\Ted Nugent.

I usually respond with a Snopes link or occasionally I will send this:

THE “FORWARDER’S” 12 STEP PROGRAM

everyone say it with me…

  1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I
    don’t forward an e-mail.

  2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.

  3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money and Victoria Secret doesn’t know
    anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me.

  4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more
    than 50 people.

  5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca
    Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10
    people.

  6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail … NEVER –
    EVER!!

  7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID
    enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an
    e-mail to 10 or more people!

  8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England
    collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now
    cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or
    GET-WELL CARDS.

  9. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever
    they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5
    cents for every e-mail we send.

  10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers,
    characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an
    e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!

  11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual
    dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this
    to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

  12. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by
    telling me I am not their friend or that I don’t believe in Jesus Christ. If
    God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn
    before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

3

You post this just as one of my coworkers (who should know better) sent not one but four forwarded jokes to the entire department.

I haven’t seen or heard from my cousin Jason since the late 70s. We just fell out of touch. Then two years ago I got this forwarded e-mail from him (I’m writing this largely from memory):

WHERE DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT?

Did you sleep in a nice soft bed? Was it warm and dry? Did you get a good night’s sleep?

Our soldiers in Iraq didn’t! They had to sleep on vermin-infested wet blankets so that they can fight for your right to be a selfish individual who sleeps on a dry bed. Aren’t you ashamed! You don’t deserve the right to be called an American!

Praise Jesus!

4

You forgot the ending.

“Now you have to forward this to 50 of your closest friends or all of your hair will fall out”

I’m with you though when it comes to people you have no contact with other than these sorts of things. I have several friends that I’ve lost tough with in the last couple of years. My high school friends like to pass this kind of stuff along and I still get the occasionaly piece showing up (but it’s trickled off a lot–now it’s WAYN* invites). Another friend likes to send glurge once in a while. Nice lady, but I’ve hardly talked to her in a few years and this is about the only contact I have with her.

*You want to know where I am now? Fine. You obviously have my e-mail address. Ask.

5

I got one of these the other day from a coworker. It was something about tampons using harsh bleach in them that causes sterility. I looked it up on Snopes, and sent the link to the coworker. She apologized and I told her I understand that things like that can be scary. I told her to do some research anytime she gets any of these weird emails, they may be scaring her for no reason.

6

I think the reason this happens is because when new users get access to e-mail, they want to pass these things along to as many “friends” as possible. They will then collect every e-mail address they can get their newbie paws on. Doesn’t matter who they’re for. It’s the quantity that counts.

7

I think I’ve refuted enough with snopes.com links that my friends and co-workers now know to send me a link with “Is this true?” before they mass e-mail it.

I’m getting a reputation as quite the sage. :smiley:

8

I was never sure what I was missing by not forwarding anything. Guess it was nothing. Good.

I’ve Snopesed my friends and family a few times, too. I’m not sure “sage” is the right word for my reputation… :smiley:

Oh - regarding email lists - I’ve taken all my addresses out of all my email programs and put them in an Excel spreadsheet. I put all the contacts for different mail lists in different cells, copy and paste the particular cell I want, and there they are, presto change-o, and no chance of all my contacts getting co-opted*. Excel is working excellently for this purpose - I wish I had thought of it a long time ago.
*I know we have a lot of computer wizards here - if there still is a chance of somebody grabbing my contacts from an Excel spreadsheet, please dispel my ignorance.

9

The Internet Soapbox

10

I may have to send that to a few people if I keep getting hit with 1 million and 1 emails. Thanks for the link. :slight_smile:

11

Ugh. Happily, it’s gotten to the point where one of my friends Snoped another one. I was proud.

What I really hate is when you Snope something and the person who sent it gets pissy. What the hell? You’re wasting your youth forwarding completely idiotic untruths about shit you obviously know nothing about, and wasting my time and bandwidth by sending it to me. Fuck yes, I’m going to call you on it.

…

A few of these folk no longer talk to me. :shrug:

12

Or, “But the lesson behind the story is true, so I must send this yarn out about babies being locked in cars on purpose as part of a gang initiation. Because you never know.”

:rolleyes:

13

God, I hate that, ivylass. More often than not, they only say that after you’ve called them on their bullshit, and they respond with that gem as if to say, “I resent you for thinking I’m a rube. I naturally knew that the specific incident never really happened, but like Aesop, I feel it is my duty to offer ethical instruction through short morality plays. Please learn from my wisdom.”

No you didn’t, you disingenuous tit. You really fucking thought that some sick bastard was raising kittens with their heads in a jar, so that their heads would grow into interesting shapes. You bought it whole-hog. They had you hook, line, and sinker. You’re a rube.

They inevitably come off as huffy and defensive, no matter how gently you try to correct their mistaken impression.

Urgh.

14

While I’m an inveterate Snopeser myself, I wanna point out that HSUS and AHA responded to bonsaikitten not so much by saying that the site was real as by saying that they were afraid some idiot would think the site was real and try to make bonsaikittens. That strikes me as a legitimate worry, although I still think they overreacted.

Daniel

15

I “Snope” people so often that they’re finally reducing the number of crap emails they send me, thank goodness.

16

“But I meant well. And it could have happened!” or similar.

If you’d meant well, you wouldn’t have sent me the bullshit. All I did was say, “Hey, you might want to look at this,” and gave a Snopes link. I was even nice about it. So why do you get pissy back?

Guess what? You were wrong. You fell for the bullshit. I’ve done that few times. Just learn and go on with your life and don’t flame me because I actually know that everything on the net isn’t true!

17

One friend’s wife used to send me all sorts of crappola, and when I sent her a link to Snopes, she gave me a snippy response that she “didn’t have time to check” whether or not everything passed on was true or not. Wha? So you have time to forward lies and spead horseshit, but don’t have time to determine the verity of messages. Yep. Makes sense to me.

18

I’ve gotten some of the same idiotic crap from people who should, quite frankly, know better. Ogre that Robin Williams dealie was the latest bit-o-the-brown that got shoveled back my way, and when I refuted everything but the last line, I too got the pissier-than-thou attitude.

So I sent it back to every forwarder on the e-mail (about 175 people).

ATTENTION DUMBASSES!

Please be advised that nearly 98 percent of everything on the internet that comes to you without you asking for it is complete bullshit. Some of it is funny, some of it is sad, but most of it, is bullshit.

So please, before you send on some inane, falsehood-plauged e-mail about the plight of the North American spotted shit spider, do five minutes of research. When in doubt, snopes it out, this is a link, thank you, and please leave me alone.

19

Now that we’re on the subject of E-Mails, I’ve heard that, quite soon, Mars is going to appear as big as the Full Moon. When is the exact date of this occurrence and if I miss it, when does it occur next year?

20

My Aunt, Og love her, is the ONLY person I tolerate forwards from. She has Web TV, lives alone, and lives to forward junk on. I don’t open it any more, but I used to and would often send her Snopes links and try to school her a bit. Didn’t work. It got to the point where she would send me a sappy piece of glurge and say “If this isn’t true, don’t tell me- I don’t wanna know!”

OMG GOD! :eek:

So anyway, I thought she would get the picture when I sent her this gem:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/burlap.htm

"I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t. She is crying. Don’t cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it’s not my fault. I asked her if it was God’s fault, but she didn’t answer, and only started crying harder, so I don’t ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I go to sleep.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was Billy Evansthe best they could do on account of us havin’ no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn’t work because she said employers don’t hire crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she’s allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. "

Instead of getting mad or getting the point, she laughed and thought it was great! So I let her send them, but everyone else the FIRST TIME I get one, I reply back with a swift “No way, no how, do NOT SEND ME THIS SHIT!!!”

Maddening.