[ol]
[li]Please don’t send me glurge. If you don’t have the time to write to me I understand. I am busy too, so please refrain from sending me syrupy emails about sad, sick children and Jesus.[/li]
[li]Please don’t send me attachments. I am sorry, but after I hear you complaining all the time about your computer being infected by assorted viruses (virii, whatever) I am not about to open that PowerPoint presentation. I have never had a virus problem, I can’t afford to.[/li]
[li]Please do not forward emails to me that have been around the globe twice. I do not need to scroll 3 Km to reach the end and find out there’s nothing but a PowerPoint presentation in your email. [/li]
[li]Please FUCKING USE BCC! You are the people that have got me into every spammer’s list in the world. Infected computers and long list of emails don’t make a good combination.[/ol][/li]
Effectively immediately you will be banned from the internet. You will still be allowed to communicate with people via fax, telephone, smoke signals and tin cans tied with a string.
Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation.
Sorry, but the ‘Equal Annoyance by Assholes’ clause of the US Constitution requires you to put up with the same amount of inbox shit as do the rest of us.
Just to ease your pain, I’m attaching an email about 10 Angels of Friendship. Send it to all of your friends in the next five minutes, and wait for a surprise on your screen.
[QUOTE=Mighty_Girl]
To: Friends and family
Re: Access to email
[ol]
[li]Please don’t send me glurge. If you don’t have the time to write to me I understand. I am busy too, so please refrain from sending me syrupy emails about sad, sick children and Jesus.[/ol][/li][/quote]
“If you do not abide by this, I reserve the right to respond to your glurge with the grossest stories I can find about people who have had to seek medical attention for placing items in orifices that are not normally considered ingress points.”
I’ve found even the mention of this threat is enough to reduce glurge emails to one a month or so.
Not to mention all the terrifying diseases the verity of which people are often too stupid or lazy to check on Snopes. Some of 'em even have cool photoshopped pictures that the layman cannot identify. Send the offenders those. That oughta work.
But you don’t understand! - It says Bill Gates himself will pay me $245 for each person I send it to! I mean, that’s gotta be bullshit, but I’m forwarding it to everyone just in case.
No! It’s not bullshit!! My neighbor’s cousin’s hairdresser’s half-brother’s landscaper’s mother-in-law’s sister’s friend had it happen to her. :dubious:
It’s your fault for letting it go as long as it has, that’s why you’re on every spam list from here to Timbuktu. I nip that shit in the bud, leaving no shred of doubt that any chain emails, jokes, glurge, anything but personal correspondence to ME is verboten.
Had my email address about 3 years now and I get zilch for spam.
It pisses the senders off, I’ve had a couple of people who quit emailing altogether, but then again I never sent them any bullshit. The only regret I have is that they really need somebody to point out to them that 100% of those amazing stories are fake, they won’t have a life changing experience if they send the shit to 10 friends, and little Timmy doesn’t need a million business cards to get that brain transplant he so desperately wants.
Some people are just obsessed with that crap. I’m obsessed with hating it.
I have a brother-in-law who is the family glurge-king; I guess he got tired of me Snopesing his emails and re-sending them out to everyone with the Snopes link, because he made some pissy comment about Snopesing something himself a little while ago. Hah! The ignorance - it is fought! (And, apparently, it fights back.)
Or the ones who are fooled by a header that says, “THIS WAS CHECKED ON SNOPES AND IT’S REALLY, REALLY TRUE!!!”
Or those that can’t seem to figure out how to use a search engine like snopes so can’t find it there, or who haven’t yet figured out that Google can be used for searches (what else do they use it for?) and since they can’t find it, assume that it’s true.
Or those that feel that if you’re told to SEND THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW! it must be true.
Or those that think that the mainstream news media is hiding the REAL news or are terribly behind in learning about the latest whatever (like the one that has been circulating on the Internet since 1999), so if they didn’t email EVERYONE THEY KNOW, no one would ever know!
When you found out that you only had my “spam addy” (because you like to put my name in those “tell a friend” things and send me ecards, etc) and asked for my “real people that I correspond with only please addy” I gave it to you.
Please PLEASE stop sending everything you send me to both addresses now.
To be fair, Snopes does seem to have been designed by a bunch of people who have heard of usability, but in a tragic twist of irony believed it to be some sort of urban myth.
I too got Christian glurge constantly from a religious friend’s network.
One anti-abortion email had all these scenarios that each went something like: "A young women who grew up in poverty contracted AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, diarrheah, and piuria was told by doctors she only had a 10% chance of surviving the birth of her child. Would you recommend an abortion?
“If you said YES, then OMG! You just killed so-and-so, who went on to become an evangelical preacher who ministered to millions of starving children in India, Africa, and China and singlehandedly saved the planet from malnutrition! How can you live with yourself?”
So I sent back to the list: "A 24 yr-old woman marries her 48-yr old uncle. Together they have 3 children, all who die shortly after childbirth. Now she’s pregnant again. Would you prevent her from having an abortion?
“If you said YES, then OMG! You just allowed ADOLF HITLER to be born! YOU SUPPORT FASCIST NAZI COMMUNISM AND YOU HATE AMERICA!”
I remember in the late 80’s our office got a fax about flashing your headlights at a car with their lights off being a ticket to a quick death due to a gang initiation rite. Everyone in the office freaked out.
Knowed-out: I admire your courage, but you do know that most of those “you just killed…” glurge threads’ claims are false, or at best, wildly misleading?
Glurgists have no sense of humor, honor or decency.
