I went to a bridal shower today. Very fancy affair, bride had a custom made dress, catered at a hotel sort of thing, roughly 100 women present. These sort of events are kind of my personal idea of hell but the cake was good and I like the bride. She came from out of state since most of her family lives here, and the wedding will be held here also, so they requested gifts be shipped to their home instead of her having to lug them home on a plane. Sensible.
This is what was weird… After lunch, the bride spent a large chunk of time announcing to the packed room who bought her what off the registry. Then she spent a large chunk of time opening gifts and announcing what they were and who they were from. I left in the middle of this because I haven’t been feeling well, so I’m not sure how long it went, but probably at least an hour.
Is this normal? I don’t attend many bridal showers. I think I opened gifts at my own bridal shower ten years ago, but it was a much more low-key affair with maybe 10 or 15 of my closest people. At my own wedding we waited until all but my closest friends/family had left before we opened gifts, recorded everything as we went and then sent thank you letters. It was a small wedding though, maybe 50 people.
I’ve never seen it done that way, reading off the gifts to a crowded room. I didn’t care for it. For one thing, I did send a gift but it’s still en route to her home out of state. So clearly there were people who were not acknowledged any way.
Is this a rich people thing? The bride’s not rich herself, but my husband’s side of the family is generally very wealthy, including the bride’s parents, and the whole affair had that sort of materialistic culture to it. So maybe this is just how rich people do things, I dunno. I have very little experience with wedding etiquette as a proper sort of thing.
Announcing who bought what off the registry? I’ve never seen that. But opening the shower gifts (not the wedding gifts) and announcing who they’re from has been the main entertainment at every bridal and baby shower I’ve ever been to. Although I’ve never been to a shower with 100 women - the ones I’ve been to usually have 50 or so.
I’ve been to plenty of showers, and I’ve had the same experience, where the bride (or mother to be for baby showers) opens up each present while the guests sit around watching. It makes more sense to me for baby showers, because everyone loves seeing the cute little clothes and toys for babies, it’s not quite as exciting to see the bride unwrap a casserole dish or set of knives.
I’ve never been to one where a list was read out of presents that weren’t there, but I’d guess the bride was trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings. If Aunt Edna sent a blender to the bride’s house, but Aunt Gertrude brought a toaster oven to the shower, the bride doesn’t want everyone to ooh and aah over Gertrude’s present but leave Edna feel left out and ignored. Or it could just be the bride wants to fully show off how many presents she got, instead of everyone just seeing she got X gifts, she wants them to know she actually has received 2X gifts.
But also I’ve also never been to a shower with 100 guests or even 50 guests, or one that very fancy and catered at a hotel. Every shower I’ve been to has been at someone’s house, either someone in the wedding party or a close friend or family member. There’s food and drink, but all made by wedding party members or bought at the grocery store. Some might have more decorations or cutesy ideas from Pinterest, but nothing actually fancy. Maybe things are just different past a certain level of fanciness that I’ve just never encountered.
Sounds like the bride was trying to include, or avoid offending, those who followed the advice given about having the gifts shipped to their home. Weddings are very stressful and it turns out people are very easy to offend.
I believe that ‘traditionally’, the gifts as they arrived would be arrayed for display, in the location where the shower would occur. But since she’s had things forwarded, perhaps she just trying to fill that gap?
I guess it would seem normal if there had been 15 guests like usual. I think it just seemed odd because of the volume of people there. I’m all too aware how easy people are to offend, I apparently offended eighty million people when I got married ten years ago because we didn’t invite all 200 of his family members. (I have like 12 people in my family and only speak to two of them any more… It’s just a culture shock every time, even after 14 years together.) I don’t really care about this stuff enough to be offended. I was just bored and overwhelmed by that time.
I’m guessing this is the case. I can’t recall ever going to a shower where the registry gifts were listed off, but I usually stop paying attention once the second place setting is opened. Yes, we get it, somebody bought you some dishes. Please tell me when the cake is.
I’m a guy, so I’ve never been to a bridal or baby shower. Every woman I’ve ever discussed showers with has mentioned how much they hate attending these functions, yet they say they “have no choice”.
I honestly don’t know why people continue to have them, because I have never met somebody who enjoys it. I suppose some people do it for their older relatives who expect such things, but I can tell you that my 69-year-old mother would dearly love to never be invited to one again.
This sounds really weird. When my contemporaries were getting married to hubbie #1 (if they weren’t just shacking up with Their Old Man), things were different.
The couple registered for wedding presents because they really were setting up housekeeping for the first time. All friends & relatives could use the registry to make things simple–although it was not required. Presents may have been mailed or (sometimes) taken to the wedding. They were not opened as a public event. The bride expressed her thanks with a note. It was nobody’s business who gave what.
The wedding shower was a smaller, less formal affair for the bride’s friends. Presents would be less expensive–usually not from the registry. Maybe cookbooks or kitchen utensils or whatever–or even racy lingeree. Opening the presents was part of the fun.
The described event seems an odd combination of elegant & tacky.
I’ve enjoyed one or two where I knew enough people, and there was good food and drink, not too long taken to open presents, and no games. Disappointingly though most do have stupid games, and either other women do enjoy them or they are better at faking it than I am. I remember saying to a friend who was getting married that I don’t like stupid games at showers, and she said that there wouldn’t be stupid games at her shower, and I was relieved. But then she said that the games at her shower would be fun and I was disappointed again.
They’re never fun. They’re marginally more enjoyable than baby shower games. It’s a very small margin.
I’ve always said that if I ever get married, I don’t want to have a shower. But I believe my mother (bless her petty heart) may force me to have one because she has bought a present and attended every engagement party, shower, and wedding my many cousins have held. I don’t need kitchen stuff, and I have no desire to force my friends and family to watch me open presents for three hours, but I would do it to make my mother happy.
Which, as I said before, is the only reason I can think of that people still do it at all, other than the possibility of getting a shower and a wedding present from the same person/family (which is what is expected where I’m from).
Rereading this and the other comments I’ve posted, I discover that I probably come off as being vehemently anti-shower. I suppose that’s true, but I honestly don’t mean to be a bitch about it.
I’m not thrilled with watching the opening of packages containing kitchen utensils and dish towels, I hate the games, and I think the paper plate hat with the gift bows is stupid - but I do have a very large family, most of whom I like, and I only see most of them at showers, weddings and funerals.
But it’s a fun party, where you get to hand out with your friends. Even though I found the games to be stupid, I really enjoy the social aspect of it. And all the baby showers I’ve been to were mixed gendered.
Why? If you hate baby showers, don’t go. But why should they be all female, unless it’s a lesbian couple, the father should be involved. And if the father objects to a baby shower, don’t have one.
