Pried open a tin of cashews, wrist slipped, and they flew EVERYWHERE and all eyes were on me.
Deadpanned, “Nuts.”
A bunch of us, all in our twenties, were drinking and partying at a local bar. It was about 4am and well past closing time as we knew the owner.
We were all properly smashed. Through her drunken stupor one of my friends lamented, “Gawd! I have an exam at 8am!”
Another friend piped up, “Oh? In what class?”
To which I replied, “Time Management 101”.
On a youth camp. The layout of the camp was like this:
Kids quarters/kitchens------meeting area-----adult kitchen—adults quarters—shower block.
During shower time one night I was sitting in the meeting area chatting with a few of the girls on the camp and one of the boys walked past coming back from the shower block.
He had a towel around his waist and being a bit of a clown stopped and said out “Hey, want to see what I’ve got under here?”
I turn to the girls: “I’ll go get you a magnifying glass.”
Nothing like a bunch of giggling teenagers to deflate the male ego 
Different camp, different guy - activity was target shooting.
We were walking out the the range and one of the guys had a rifle slung over his shoulder (bolt & ammo held by the adults until we got to the range).
Him (to the girls in his group): " So ladies, like the size of my… gun?"
Me (walking past ): “Does you no good if you’re shooting blanks.”
I just remembered a couple more.
I was walking through the park near my house and there were a bunch of people selling various crap out of booths.
Me: What are those? Pajamas?
Vendor: No. They are O.R. scrubs.
Me: Oh…ARE they?
Vendor: Yes.
(I guess the vendor never saw Rushmore).
Another time, my friend and I were chatting with the owner of a local hot dog shop we used to go to:
Owner: Blah blah…yeah my girlfriend works late a lot because she’s a tax attorney.
Me/Friend: Your girlfriend stuffs animals for a living?:eek:
Crowded store, and a very handsome man was trying to get past one group of people and around a corner and accidentally bumped me.
“Oh, I’m very sorry!”
“You’re fine,” I answered.
He turned a stunning smile on me and said, “Why, thank you!”
Just minutes ago, my 2-year-old son was racing around the house on a sugar high, buck naked. I caught up with him and said, “I can clearly see you’r(e) nuts!”.
He laughed. Not sure why; the only word he understood was “see”! Must have been the delivery.
My coworker was digging through her change yesterday and said, “Hey! a quarter from my native state!”
To which I replied, “They have a quarter for insanity?”