I remember a better one: make each child fill out a form and tell them their candy will be shipped to them in 6-8 weeks, thank you.
I believe the tradition is fried eggs and beer. Dave put that into our elder son’s bag one year, as a joke.
I always hated getting Pixie Sticks in my halloween bag. Guaranteed to not make it home intact. When I’d dump out my bag at the end of the night, everything was covered with broken Pixie Stick dust.
I’m starting to notice a trend in your posts lately. You’re a big fane of Everyone Loves Raymond reruns, aren’t you? 
I’m going to have to go with Jagermeister. Just pour a little shot in each kid’s Halloween bucket.
The worst thing I could think of to pass out: Sunsweet Ones.
My Halloween bag was mentally sorted into
WANT:
Chocolate anything (hide from mother)
Gum
Sweet Tarts
Smarties
Sugar Babies
Lollypops
Do Not Want:
Candy corn!!!
Cow tails (?)
Sugar Daddies
Random hard candy
Bit o Honey
Mike n Ike
Good n Plenty
Mc Donald’s coupons that expire in 15 minutes
I do not get many TOT’s at my place, but I always use this holiday to clean out my junk drawer:
(doorbell rings)
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
“My, what splendid costumes! Hold out your bags! Here’s a nice plastic drill index, and you can have this old can of cat food, and you get some electrical tape, and here’s a 7 of Spades, and YOU get this Cheap Trick cassette tape! Be careful crossing the street!”
“?!?”
Not really an answer, but the strangest thing we ever got was once while trick-or-treating with my kids and a friend’s kids, an older lady apparently was senile or had run out of candy and had dropped a screwdriver in one of the kids’ bags, a wrench in one, etc. Each of the kids got a tool. My friend (being male) insisted that we go back to her house a couple more times, as he could really use more tools!
As a kid, the worst treat we ever got was from one particular neighbor who gave out exactly 5 pennies to each trick-or-treater. Even in 1976, 5 cents didn’t buy jack. Gee thanks, pal!
I wouldn’t have minded a tart, tasty, juicy apple. I did mind getting one of those flavorless Red Delicious apples, which our neighbor handed out every year. I stopped going over there.
Brilliant!!!
I got a fishing tackle box one year, along with a cat-shaped doorstop and a squash.
(we hit the house of some college students who were unprepared and just started handing us things)
I agree that giving out fruit is a pretty mean thing to do - I know the heart’s in the right place and everything, but kids have to eat that crap all year, give them one day to binge on pure sugar!
What, were you raised in an atheist household? Muslim? Jewish?
Any kid in a Christian household knows that there are three days a year when unlimited sugar is an option. And on one of them, you get toys.
A tackle box and squash? That would rock! The squash could be used on the Chick Track house, and who doesn’t love tackle boxes? You could organize your candy and carry it around…
Oh man, you were the luckiest kid ever!
When I was small, a favorite thing for old ladies to had out was the hideous popcorn ball. Those went straight into the garbage can. shudder
That’s my vote for the worst thing to get AND the worst thing to give out.
One house in our neighborhood when I was a kid used to hand out bags of raw Kiwanis peanuts that they must have purchased in great quantity round about 1942.
The worst I’ve seen my kids get is granola bars from Environment Lady across the street.
I’ve definitely been to a “couple of pennies” house. Ugh.
I think the thing I was most perplexed to get was a box of Hi-C.
People who gave out toothbrushes (like the dentist in our neighborhood) just need to die. I mean, come on. That’s like buying a kid underpants for his birthday. Give out quarters or little cheapo toys if you can’t bear to give out candy.
There was also a religious tract house in my neighborhood. My sister got all freaked out and thought she was going to Hell. It kinda spoiled the mood, but I guess, for that person, mission accomplished.
I was one of those kids for whom Halloween was not just a holiday, but an event of staggering proportions. It required planning, like bringing a big enough sack and a costume that wouldn’t slow you down, and you had to remember the houses that were worth it from year to year. One out of the way house always gave out full candy bars, so you had to go there, but another out of the way house gave only a little candy, and wasn’t worth it, so could be safely skipped. I also carefully planned which neighborhoods and streets I would have time for. In one year, I managed to trick or treat for several hours, then was sent to a friend’s “Halloween party”, which was actually trick or treating again in another neighborhood. Score! While eating the candy was a driving factor, I think it was the process of collecting of it that was the most fun.
What’s funny is that if we were allowed to TOT as adults, I’d love that. In fact, the perfect adult treat would be…
Actually, this almost happened.
A few years back, I was sitting out on the porch with a few friends. We decided to turn it into sort of a party. The neighbors did it up right. Wine, cheese and crackers, and a huge plate of shrimp and cocktail sauce. The kids would come up with their little bags or buckets, and we would give them candy. One kid, though, bypassed the candy and went straight for the shrimp.
Hey, the kid has taste.
I opted not to let him have one. I didn’t think it was a good idea to let him walk around with shellfish in his candy bag.
Like every adult, my dad would buy treats that he himself enjoyed, just in case of leftovers, dontchaknow. For my entire childhood, all we handed out were those gawdawful kisses and unsalted, unshelled peanuts.
Yeah, I was popular.
The worst was the year we moved to a different town. The previous owners of our house had had a reputation for handing out full sized chocolate bars. That year? Kisses ‘n’ peanuts, kiddies!
Live goldfish in those little fish bowls that they have at the state fair. Tell the kids to carefully head straight home so that the fish won’t get hurt.
My first thouht was Circus Peanuts. What are Hallween Kisses?