So you’re saying the plan worked, then?
Those peanut butter taffy type candies in the black or orange waxed paper. I can eat an entire bag of these suckers.
Oh, Jebus, that crap has a name? It was known universally in my elementary school as “that nasty black and orange candy.”
Beer.
As for the worst treat, I once got a can of peas. I don’t think it was the plan, I think they ran out of candy and started emptying the larder.
If I REALLY wanted to piss EVERYONE off, I’d hand out the neopagan “Chick tracts”. Piss of the real Chick trackers, the trick or treaters and the nice Christian folks in the neighborhood all at once.
If you ever find (or make) these, I’d love to hand them out. Tape a full size Snickers to each one, not like those cheapskates with the Dum-Dums and Chick Tracts.
Dennis McKinsey (of Biblical Errancy fame) has some anti-bible handouts that have tempted me for years.
Really? Okay, the order form link is at the bottom of the page! There are two, “The Other People” and “Heathens Idolize School Prayer”. Blessed be!
ETA: Just to be clear, I didn’t write them. I did receive one of “The Other People” at a party once, and nearly threw it out in disgust before I actually read it.
Suddenly I have a use for the box of shrinkwrapped Windows NT 3.5 install media that have been sitting in my garage since I left my previous job. They were in my cube because nobody knew what to do with them, and when I left someone loaded the box into my car with my personal stuff. I think that was meant as a joke.
“Here you go, kids! It’s even got a certificate of authenticity with a real hologram! Be sure to stop at Hpyno-Toads’ house to get the discs you’ll need for internet access!”
Is there something you could spray onto your house ahead of time to make cleaning off eggs easier?
Huh. One of the houses in my cousins’ neighborhood (we always went around together) passed out McDonalds coupons one year. That was pretty cool.
I have no idea what you’re talking about-link, please?
I’ll join you-love those things.
(Oh, and again, Quaker chocolate chip granola bars are yummy-my grandma used to keep them with the other junk food for us kids)
All right, how about:
[ul]
Ex-Lax
Onions
Cloves of garlic (guaranteed to stink up your bag and ruin all of your candy!)
Ramen flavor packets
Nicorette
School milk cartons that have expired
Packs of Sweet’Low
Menstrual pads*
Used kleenex (although if you passed out unused, you could do what Willa Jean Kemp did when Ramona gave her a box)
[/ul]
*I once thought it would be fun to pass out tampons. No, I never did it, but I thought about it.
Tampons, those with the cardboard tube thingy that you can smack and send them shooting, make great depth-charges for sea battle reenactments - when they hit the water they poof up really cool.
Not sure my big sister has ever forgiven me for that.
This thread has reminded me that I should definitely move the cooler with the beer in it from the front porch this weekend.
Or there’d be some very happy trick-or-treaters, and one very sad cowgirl when I noticed the cooler was empty a hundred miles from nowhere.
How about a big bowl 'o bullets?
“What caliber do you want kids? .38 or .45? Just one handful now … save some for the kids behind you!”
Apple giver!
I’ve gotten apples, Chick tracts, oatmeal cookies in baggies (hey, if they were chocolate chips we would have eaten them!), toothbrushes and oral hygiene kits, pennies, hard boiled eggs, those nasty peanut butter fudge in waxed paper thingies, and my personal nemesis Mary Janes.
Hey, I LIKE Mary Janes!
When I was little, you were told NEVER to eat homemade treats, or anything opened. It might have been hysteria, but then again, if you had someone who made it with expired milk or whatever…
This reminds me of a case in Houston in which this kid got a cyanide-laced Pixie stick in his bag and died. The parents were devastated. The father made a such a moving eulogy at the funeral service that the entire audience was reduced to tears. Then it turned out that the father was the one who laced the Pixie stick! Did it for the insurance payout. They executed him and good friggin’ riddance.
um… you can have mine then.
There was a Boston radio talk show that did a bit about that yesterday. The moral was that you shouldn’t worry about strangers on Halloween, you should worry about your parents. Statistically, that is mostly true. They also said that he poisoned other kid’s candy to make it look like some serial madman but they didn’t like Pixie Sticks enough to actually eat them. That is about the strongest argument for the death penalty than I could ever come up with. Thank you Texas. May you burn in hell Mr. Pixie Stick Halloween Child Killer.
I thought so, too! Our parents made us give everything back. 
Yes! I remember that now. I believe that was part of what tripped him up. They all trick-or-treated together and remembered where the sticks came from. The father had added the cyanide to the kids’ sticks somehow; I think he “offered” to look through the bags to make sure everything was safe. It was easy for the police to check the house in question, plus no one else reported cyanide.
My mother gave out little tubes of toothpaste one year. We lived out in the country and got very few trick or treaters. A few years ago I was given a large (100 packs) of hot chocolate, I gave them out with the candy. I picked up a big box of assorted kids meals goodies at a garage sale, I’m going to give them away with candy this year.
I just thought of something good. Today I stopped at an estate sale and they had a big bag of travel soaps, the kind you would find at hotels. I could hand out little bars of soap for Halloween. Nah, better not, I would probably find it used on my house the next morning.