Really bored by your anger and hatred

[system]

So … just to pass the time …

Where is all your anger and hatred coming from?
Are these minor issues really bothering you so much?
What are you doing to make things better?
Do even want things to get better, or do you prefer to insult others so that your limited worldview remains undisturbed?
Do you know that you are interacting with other human beings, each of whom is being the best that they can be at this moment in time?
Is it possible that right now someone is ranting to someone else about something you did?
Would the discussion be more fruitful if they could discuss the situation reasonably with you?
Would you be happier if the world became a better place? Would it be a good thing if you were involved in that process?
Deep down, you have good intentions, but will blasting someone really make your life better and more fulfilling?
Do any of you have children? Is this the way that you would like them to deal with you?
Are some of you children, stuck in an adult body?
Many of you are fairly well-educated, academically. Why did you go to school? To achieve a sense of smarmy cockiness? Is that the main thing they taught you?
It’s amazing how uneducated some of you are in areas of human interaction. If you say that you’re not this much of an ass in real life, then why do you choose to be an ass here?
Fight! Fight! Yeah, if someone is really threatening you. But because someone said something that was wrong? Because they made a mistake? Yeah, pound the crap out of them. Yeah, that’ll show 'em!

And those of you (the majority) who are more reasonable, why are you helping to perpetuate the childish negativity? If someone is stuck in a pathetic quagmire of drivel, how about offering a solution?

I think that this post qualifies as a rant. But, oh yeah. One more thing. Many of you really are blathering, infantile, quasi-literate simpletons who can’t spell shit without sounding it out. And don’t get me started on your grammer [sic]. Although you are obviously entitled to participate in this message board, you may be more at home in some type of remedial message board, y’know, for the slow learners.

How difficult is it, really, to learn how to spell? There are many 8-year olds who have pretty well mastered it. It’s one thing to make a typing error, or to leave out a word, or have a minor lapse as you compose a post. It’s another thing to have no clue how to do write properly. And it’s not as if spelling is a big dark secret. It involves basic pattern recognition. Oh, I forgot. That’s one of the elements of intelligence. Don’t want to muddy the waters here.

So keep giving people a piece of your mind. Just don’t become a half-wit.

[armedmonkey]

originally posted by some guy who’s probably a sock or a formerly banned poster because, really, whose first post is a rant about the board? He’ll probably start rambling about the mysterious clique and that the nazi moderators are cooperating with the MAN to keep him down and censor his words of freedom or some such bullshit. Oh yeah, the quote:

Many of you really are blathering, infantile, quasi-literate simpletons who can’t spell shit without sounding it out.

S-H … um, give me a second here… it’s pronounced “s’-hit”, right? No? Damn, that “sh” sound always gets me. Hold on. S-H-I-T-E? No? Fuck, what I do wrong? It’s the e on the end isn’t it? Do the same thing with “potato”. OK, I’ll get it. S-H-I-T-F-O-R-B-R-A-I-N-S.

Hooked on phonics worked for me.

[Derleth]

Welcome, young one. You have much to learn.

Muahahaha…

[iampunha]

Ooh, a survey! These really belong in IMHO, but what the hey?

Where is all your anger and hatred coming from? Massive constipation.

Are these minor issues really bothering you so much? Dude, massive constipation is hardly a minor issue, unless you’ve got something really big…

What are you doing to make things better? Laxatives and enemas. Up the butt, Bob.

Do even want things to get better, or do you prefer to insult others so that your limited worldview remains undisturbed? Limited worldview … wha? Dude, of course I want things to get better, but I’m talking about laxatives and constipation, not FGM or anything…

Do you know that you are interacting with other human beings, each of whom is being the best that they can be at this moment in time? Do you know that I really need to take a shit right now, but my rectum feels like a brick-like piece of shit the size of a watermelon?
Is it possible that right now someone is ranting to someone else about something you did? [url="http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80957&highlight=prehensile"Billy Rubin did a while ago…

Would the discussion be more fruitful if they could discuss the situation reasonably with you? I’m not sure anyone but my GP wants to discuss this with me, although you asked (and I’ve answered)…

Would you be happier if the world became a better place? Would it be a good thing if you were involved in that process? Dude, no offense, but right now there isn’t much else on my mind other than I AM CONSTIPATED! Unless you’re going to do some sort of “Live Aid” for my ass…

Deep down, you have good intentions, but will blasting someone really make your life better and more fulfilling? Oh God … blasting someone …

Damnit, I wish I could take a shit right now. I really wish I could take a shit…

BRB

::crickets::

::humming::

DAMNIT. Still not coming out. Oh well … maybe tomorrow.

Do any of you have children? Is this the way that you would like them to deal with you? My only babies are my … wait, you probably don’t want to know that.

Are some of you children, stuck in an adult body? You know, that was my first thought, but it’s actually just constipation.

Many of you are fairly well-educated, academically. Why did you go to school? To achieve a sense of smarmy cockiness? Is that the main thing they taught you? I had to quit school because of constipation.

It’s amazing how uneducated some of you are in areas of human interaction. If you say that you’re not this much of an ass in real life, then why do you choose to be an ass here? I’m just going to move onto the next question…

Fight! Fight! Yeah, if someone is really threatening you. But because someone said something that was wrong? Because they made a mistake? Yeah, pound the crap out of them. Yeah, that’ll show 'em! Again, moving right along…

And those of you (the majority) who are more reasonable, why are you helping to perpetuate the childish negativity? If someone is stuck in a pathetic quagmire of drivel, how about offering a solution? Several solutions have been tried. So far the only thing that works is getting fisted by a water buffalo. And they get really tired of that after a while.

You would be surprised how many water buffalos are unwilling to fist me.

<drivel skipped>

How difficult is it, really, to learn how to spell? There are many 8-year olds who have pretty well mastered it. It’s one thing to make a typing error, or to leave out a word, or have a minor lapse as you compose a post. It’s another thing to have no clue how to do write properly. And it’s not as if spelling is a big dark secret. It involves basic pattern recognition. Oh, I forgot. That’s one of the elements of intelligence. Don’t want to muddy the waters here.

Yeah, champ, welcome to the sdmb…

[World_Eater]

Oh a grammar rant, how original.

[iampunha]

DAMNIT! This constipation is even fouling up my links!

Billy Rubin.

[Tanaqui]

iampunha, that was hilarious! but far TMI…

I don’t think I really need to comment on the actual poster, since iampunha did it so well.

[Giraffe]

Ad Lib, we, um, think that maybe you should see other websites. Really, we think you’re great, but we just think we might be too different to really stay together long term. It’s not you, it’s us, honest.

Please stop crying.

Look, we’ve both known this was coming for a while now. We’re just so different. In time, I’ll bet you find a message board that is a better fit for you, and you’ll be so much happier. Yahoo Groups, maybe. We’re just holding you back. We never meant to hurt you.

I hope we can still be friends.

[CthulhuSpawn]

I can’t compete with constipation, but I do need to answer a few:

What are you doing to make things better?

Making plans for world domination. Things will be much better when I’m in charge.

Do you know that you are interacting with other human beings,

Oh dear, I thought I was interacting with rabid alien space bats. That will change my plans.

Is it possible that right now someone is ranting to someone else about something you did?

Possibly, but I’d rather they be squirming with horror over something I did.

Would you be happier if the world became a better place? Would it be a good thing if you were involved in that process?

Of course, that’s why I want to conquer the world silly!

Do any of you have children?

Yes, I had a couple for lunch today. They give me gas though, so I have to limit my weekly intake.

[Derleth]

punha, that was the most I’ve laughed since … well, since last night, when I heard about `Soviet Canuckistan’ and Buchanan’s inability to stop spewing shit.

Hell, here’s an idea: Switch Pat Buchanan’s mouth with your rectum! You’ll have decades of uninterrupted shitting, and Buchanan will finally shut the hell up.

[apotheosis]

Who ordered the cynic with extra-smug derisiveness?

[Lynn_Bodoni]

Returning troll, folks. My usual method is to lock or even remove threads started by trolls…but y’all are having too much fun.

Besides,

Hell, here’s an idea: Switch Pat Buchanan’s mouth with your rectum! You’ll have decades of uninterrupted shitting, and Buchanan will finally shut the hell up.

is a brilliant idea, and I want to find out how this will be accomplished.

[iampunha]

Lynn, folks have been switching monkey brains and such with human brains in comics for years … surely ass surgery wouldn’t be any more complicated?

[Ukulele_Ike]

*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni *
**I want to find out how this will be accomplished. **

Bowie knife, needle, and thread.

[Miller]

Bowie knife, needle, and thread.

Staple gun’d be faster.

[Smeghead]

*Originally posted by Ad Lib *
If someone is stuck in a pathetic quagmire of drivel, how about offering a solution?

Not just a run-of-the-mill quagmire of drivel, but a particularly pathetic one? I hate it when that happens.

[ivylass]

Just out of curiousity, how did our Illustrious Mods jump on this so fast? Ad Lib only made one post before he was shut down.

Do our Illustrious Mods cruise the boards all day, or do we report threads?

(As always, I bow down before the Illustrious Mods and how well this board is patrolled.)

[Lynn_Bodoni]

I happened upon the thread, and it seemed to me to be a classic sock post. So I did a little checking, and yep, this guy IS a sock, though not one of our usual suspects. I banned this name and his original name.

I make a habit of checking new registrations periodically, and examining posts of new users. Sometimes they Need a Clue, which I provide by email.

Yes, we cruise the boards, but I do act on reported posts/threads. I can’t read EVERY thread, and the thought of reading every post makes me want to go for a nice liedown with a cold washcloth over my eyes.

[ivylass]

Thank you, Lynn, Goddess forbid you should get eyestrain from caring for us little rugrats.

[Xavier]

Lynn B: I make a habit of checking new registrations periodically, and examining posts of new users. Sometimes they Need a Clue, which I provide by email.

Yes, we cruise the boards, but I do act on reported posts/threads.

Jesus, that could’ve come straight from the NYPD. You guys be da powlice!

apotheosis: Who ordered the cynic with extra-smug derisiveness?

That would be me. I figured we needed shaping up around here.

Ad Lib: Why did you go to school?

I’m still trying to figure out. Mainly for girls.

And those of you (the majority) who are more reasonable, why are you helping to perpetuate the childish negativity? If someone is stuck in a pathetic quagmire of drivel, how about offering a solution?

Do you know how hard it is to run around a quagmire?

Fight! Fight! Yeah, if someone is really threatening you. But because someone said something that was wrong? Because they made a mistake? Yeah, pound the crap out of them. Yeah, that’ll show 'em!

See, you’re coming around…

Do even want things to get better, or do you prefer to insult others so that your limited worldview remains undisturbed?

I prefer the latter. Less hard work.

Are some of you children, stuck in an adult body?

Why else would all the girls call me “Gonzo” when I was eleven?

How difficult is it, really, to learn how to spell?

Only as difficult as it is to read. Only faster.

It’s another thing to have no clue how to do write properly.

My do-writing is fine thank you. It is you with the do-writing problem.

There are many 8-year olds who have pretty well mastered it.

And… whaddya trying to say?

Oh, I forgot. That’s one of the elements of intelligence.

No it isn’t! Shut up!

Just don’t become a half-wit.

And that’s the only motivational-speech remedy you’ve given me. Blast your eyes!