Please bare with me as I try to explain before I ask the question.
Ok this guy and I met in 2012 in long beach ca. We moved up to Chico ca to go Gold mining. From the very beginning he told me not to fall in love with him. Of course I did. I didn’t tell him that but hey knew. We were never a couple and he always corrected people that said we were. We slept together we hung out together we were always together and in early December of 2012 we moved in together. In January we were having a fight and he pushed me out the door of the place we were living and then had my fingers in his grip twisting them. I went to a friends house and called the cops. He went off to jail from about 8 pm to 1230 am. He was home by 1 am. The cop never asked me if I wanted to press charges. He asked me if I was afraid of him and I said no. I’m not. I spent a week away from him and went back. We showed up to court on the 25th of January and didn’t even see inside the court room, the clerk outside of the courtroom told us " if the DA decides to press charges they will mail you something" Well I had to go home to Southern CA for a family emergency on the 9th of February. From the day we went to court to the day I left we hadn’t gotten anything in the mail. About a couple days ago I find out that they went ahead and mailed him a letter stating that they are going to press charges. I DID NOT AND DO NOT WANT THEM PRESSED!! I wrote a letter to the DA before the court date in Jan saying that I didn’t want them pressed.
So my question(s) are: Can they still do that? Is there a way that I can get them dismissed? Or at least stop them from doing so? The guy I was with is still up in Chico and I am in Los Angeles.
Will someone please help me!!
Reported for forum change.
Sounds like you need to talk with the DA.
BTW, domestic violence is never kosher. You need to re-evaluate yourself in this “relationship.”
Hire a lawyer.
Also, usually, when the “state” picks a case up they rarely let go. I had a friend who stole something from her dad. He was pissed, called the cops, and the state went with it. Over $350.
Good luck.
@ Duckster: I have talked to the DA. I do not excuse what he did. He never did that with the year that we were “together” It was a stupid fight. And I went back to him a week after. I trust him. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have went back. It’s not like he hit me. It’s not like the real bad DV cases. I wouldn’t even call this DV. The officer took a picture of my knee when I landed on it after he pushed me out the door and of my fingers but I don’t think there was enough bruising to show for enough evidence.
If there are any lawyers who are reading please I would much appreciate your opinion. I am currently just starting to work and go back to school and don’t have a lot of money but would really like to get this taken care of.
Lawyers aren’t likely to give specific legal advice on a forum like this. It raises certain ethical and legal problems for them to do so, and it’s a can of worms that most aren’t going to open. However, there is Legal Aid and some free or low cost legal clinics if you need legal help but don’t have much money.
Take this for what it’s worth, but the way it normally plays out on tv is that the only evidence they have is the victim/witness (you), you say you won’t testify, they say that they’ll subpoena you and you say do eeettt!
Then they have to decide if the only evidence they present is an obviously hostile and uncooperative witness. That however is usually where the plot “thickens” though.
Legal advice is best suited to IMHO.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
I am not a lawyer, although I hang around a few of them on occasion.
Spend some time reading up the California domestic violence law. Then peruse a number of lawyer sites that talk about theCalifornia domestic violence law.
We only know what you posted. From the language and style you use, you sound young. We don’t know your ages. We don’t know the real history of either of you, individually (before you met) or collectively (since you met). Do you know if he has been arrested before? We don’t know the local DA policy on domestic violence.
The point is there are lots of unknowns. You need a real lawyer. Can’t afford one then try legal aid.
Why am I interested? I have a granddaughter that blurted out recently, “Daddy hits mommy.” We’re looking into this, because if it’s true, we’re going to legally hang him by his balls.
Maybe it’s obvious, but I’m not seeing it. If she doesn’t want anything from him, the court, California or anyone else, why exactly is it that she needs a lawyer?
WAG: The state may decide it wants to deal with her in their prosecution of the defendant, even if she’s a hostile witness. She may well want legal representation in that case.
To the original poster: I don’t know anything about the law, but I do know that in many (most?) jurisdictions in the US, if the state decides that violence has occurred, they will press charges regardless of what the victim wants. This is to punish abusers whose victims are reluctant to make the abuser “mad” at them, etc. Regardless of the victim’s feelings on the matter, the state feels that a crime has occurred in those cases.
A lot of this is going to based on how militant the local states atty is in going after a case with an uncooperative witness which is an unknown at this point. If the states atty really wants to move forward on the case chances are good he or she can get a grand jury to go along with them even if you are uncooperative.
Some states atty’s might not proceed even if you are uncooperative and some might. It’s a coin toss based on a lot of variables many of which are outside your control. If they do decide to go forward he might be looking at some very serious jail time.
You really need to get an attorney to represent you in communicating with the state’s atty for you in this. You cannot untangle this on your own.
Except that in the real world, the victim’s testimony is sometimes not the only evidence. There may be a 911 tape, testimony from the arresting officer, other witnesses, medical records/pictures of injuries, etc. Hell, the abuser sometimes admits what’s he’s done.
For the OP–I’ve practiced family law for nearly 20 years, about half that time with a legal-aid type program that handled a lot of domestic violence cases. In my experience, a man that hits you once will hit you again. Sure, they’ll be sorry and make all sorts of promises,maybe buy you something pretty, but sooner or later…it happens again. And again. And again. Maybe to you. Maybe to someone else. Also, violence tends to escalate. This time he pushed you and twisted your fingers. Maybe next time he slaps you around a little. The time after that he hits you with his fist. The time after that he uses a knife. Or a baseball bat. Or a gun. It is sometimes possible to change behavior, but it usually requires commitment from the abuser, along with counseling.
As others have noted, in some jurisdictions, the prosecutor doesn’t need your permission/consent to bring charges, and may not really need your cooperation to win a conviction. There may be a policy against dropping domestic violence cases where there is proof of injury.
As for what to do, it is your call. You can cooperate with the prosecutor or not. But think it through. This guy either did what you say he did, or you lied about it. If he did what you say he did, he committed a crime. If he committed a crime against you, he may have done the same to someone else before you, or he might do it to someone else in the future.
IANAL and all that. I’ll relate a story that happened to a friend. (actually to a friend and not a “friend”) Purposely ambiguous and vague to protect all involved.
Friend and wife liked to party a lot. Often arguments would break out, things would get broken, no one would get hurt. In the morning, hungover, they’d be lovey dovey again and life would go on.
One time during one of the arguments the male made a sweeping gesture with his hands, hit a glass, and in one of those “couldn’t possibly do it on purpose if you tried” freak moments the glass hit his wife, fell to the floor and broke. It did not break on contact with her but she was cut by it. Summer, windows open, neighbors heard, cops called. Both drunk trying to explain to cops what happened was somehow translated to “he hit me with a glass.”
Jail for him. 30 days in jail for DV. No contact with wife after that and DA went forward with full prosecution. Wife wanted no part of it. Wanted charges dropped, no contact order rescinded. She told him it was an accident and she was just as much at fault. DA ignored her.
Many dollars for a lawyer later DA agreed to drop charges if HE, not her, entered alcohol treatment. He did for 30 days. When done (successfully according to the treatment center, papers signed saying so) DA still wouldn’t rescind no contact order. He had to live with his brother for months and only communicate with his wife through a third party (though technically that was a violation of the order) until DA decided to drop charges with time served.
Only good thing to come of this is that both stopped drinking. And I guess some lawyers made some money. They are still together and very happy. This happened about 5 years ago.
So you might need a lawyer. He most definitely needs a lawyer. Your situation sounds similar (the DV part, not the drunken part) and will probably rest on how much effort, if any, the DA wants to expend on it.
I know this isn’t exactly helpful but I think you’re at the mercy of DA office and all you can really do is show support for your friend and when asked affirm that you were not abused.
By DA in above example, I mean the office representing the state, not the actual District Attorney.
Because she will likely be called in front of the judge and asked to explain what happened. No matter what she feels, what she says " I got pushed out the door and my fingers twisted" will possibly be used as part of the prosecution if it ever goes to court.
She possibly needs a lawyer to ask her things like:
Describe your relationship.
Were you ever abused at any time?
Are you afraid of him?
Why did you call the police?
And be coached in how to answer those and the states attys questions in a manner not to hurt her friend.
Just a WAG on my part.
AFAIK in CA particularly there is no need for the victim to press charges in a domestic violaence case. If the police are called on a complaint and they see or hear evidence that an assault occurred they are required by law to arrest and the DA is required to prosecute.
This is a relatively recent enactment (20-25 years) devised to protect the victims.
You may also want to take a step back from this and other relationships until you figure yourself out. I can see him using you to get out of this and then totally ditching you. He already doesn’t want a relationship with you but you put out so he keeps you around. This will end up being a very sad tale and ultimately you will be for the better if you just walk away from him.
In all fairness the tone of the OP is more one of her chasing him than the other way around. If anything she sounds desperate to hold onto him. I think there’s a good bet that once the legal angle is resolved he will pull the ripcord on this relationship.
Thank you for sharing this story. It’s about identical to our situation - except we’re the neighbors. The people who live downstairs do the get-drunk-and-fight thing, and it’s a huge problem for us, if not for them. My husband comes from an abusive home, and spent 40 years as a paramedic responding to DV related calls. It’s a huge trigger for him to sit here and listen to it. I’ve had to, more than once, sit on the edge of my 8 year old’s bed and give her hugs and remind her that she’s safe and the doors are locked and no one will come upstairs and throw things or hit people and the police on are their way. My 20 year old stands there with tears in his eyes and clenching fists, feeling that young man urge to go kick some ass and break it up, but knowing he couldn’t really make a difference.
And these DV people aren’t even my family. They’re still subjecting us to inappropriate and unacceptable emotional and physical stress. We’re literally losing sleep up here while they’re gearing up for awesome makeup sex.
And they keep sending the cops away. She will stand on the front lawn and scream at me to call the police and tell them he’s hitting her again (often after she’s hit him, it’s not all one sided), then send them away when they get here.
I don’t doubt that it was devised to protect the victims. But it would also protect the unwilling witnesses to the abuse, those in the same building or hearing it through the windows. The person with the cuts and bruises isn’t the only victim of Domestic Violence, which is why the state has an interest in deciding if charges are pressed. I wish my local cops had/used the option.
Yes, that is why I think she should figure out what she wants. To chase someone who doesn’t want her and trade sex for affection. Or, to actually be in a relationship where both are mutally attracted to each other. I also think this is where he is getting tired of her being around. Moved in for the free sex and now is regretting it every second as he was getting it before without having moved in. Now he’s stuck and is looking for a way out.
But you called the police for some reason.
I had a friend who used to say ‘he doesn’t hit me, but he pushes me and my head hits the wall’