Really pathetic things that you have to do that constitute "work"

I just saw a political ad - the election looms large here in Oz, for the Libs and they had some criticism or other of particular Labor party pollies. What struck me was how unattractive they all looked and I realised that the guys putting together this ad had wasted part of their lives looking for the “worst” photo of Kevin Rudd, the “worst” photo of Julia Gillard, the “worst” photo of Peter Garrett (not a difficult task).

Still imagine the meeting:

‘Yeah she looks like a real fish-wife in that shot but haven’t we got something worse?’

Kinda like a PP Presentation I had to put together some years back. My Skipper wanted a “shocking” safe driving presentation which would “shock” young Sailors into driving safely.
I ended up spending two days pawing through the most awful auto accident photos imaginable.

“Yuck” doesn’t begin to describe it. shudder

I’ve often thought this way of the folks that sing advertising jingles. No, you’re not a rock star or opera singer, you’re singing, “The staff are friend-leee, we’re open on wee-eekends, yeah weekends, ample par-ar-arking…”. what’s going through their heads when they’re at the mike? Ditto children’s TV show hosts with that fixed smile. Are they wondering what to get for dinner, or thinking about interest rates, or the sub prime crisis? “Hello boys and girls!”

Yeah that’s another one that has crossed my mind. And they are such artists that they can sing the shit as though they care about it.

Actors in ads too. How do they pretend to care about the crap they are touting?

Imagine being asked to sound enthusiastic about dental floss.

Having worked in a recording studio that specialized in advertising work, I can tell you they are thinking of the sick residuals they stand to get if the ad goes into heavy rotation. Or that may have just been the voice-over guys.

Speaking of which, there was one session where a guy was voicing a spot for the old Lechemere department store, a chain that stretched up and down the East Coast at one time.

For I don’t know how long, he had to regionally customize the last few seconds of the ad, with a whole list of locations in front of him:

“Be sure to visit the Lechemere at the Throttleneck Mall, for unexpected savings!”
“Be sure to visit the Lechemere at the corner of Cherry and Nutwood, for unexpected savings!”
“Be sure to visit the Lechemere at the Warbler Plaza, for unexpected savings!”
“Be sure to visit the Lechemere at …”

There are several actors in Hollywood who happen to have very visible tattoos that you’ve never ever seen on-screen. Why? Because some poor shmo has to fix it in post by going through the entire movie erasing any hint that they exist.

Same goes for pimples, stray nose hairs, dandruff, and unsightly shadows.

I’m convinced these must be some of the most bitter people in the world, because they not only have to do it, they also have to keep quiet about it lest we realise celebrities aren’t perfect.

I’ve often thought of medical staff that way. I knew a nurse at Sydney’s most prestigious private hospital who told me, “You’d freak if you knew the celebrities’ arses I’ve swabbed clean of shit. We’re all equal in hospital.”

I feed my dogs Metamucil biscuits every morning because they help combat doggy stinkbutt. Very prominently displayed on the back of the box they come in is an middle-aged attractive women smiling with a Metamucil biscuit half in her mouth.

I can’t help but feel sorry for the woman. Here she is, a model of at least moderate success, and she ends up on the Metamucil biscuit box.

Mine is kind of mundane. I work in a carpeted pharmacy, and we staple a lot of things to other things. So on weekends, when we’re slow, I get the task of getting down and pulling out hundreds (exaggeration) of spent staples from the carpet with needlenose pliers, because the vacuum doesn’t get them out.

My boyfriend does video production. On a job (not even his job - he was a contractor!) for the zoo, they did a video about this diabetic baboon they have. The idea was that the video was for diabetic kids who’d see the baboon getting his shots and stuff. The BF had to blur, individually, every shot with the baboon’s enormous baboon penis. Which is always out and hanging around, and I do mean hanging. At first he found it kind of horrible, but then he got desensitized to the giant baboon penis, which he said was really worse in a way.