Note to Mods: I am not seeking ways to beat a piss test. I am not going to be taking a piss test now or any time in the foreseeable future, and even if I were I would pass.
Anyway, the question that popped into my head the other day is, in the course of testing someone’s urine for THC or cocaine or opiates or whatever, does the lab test that the urine is actually urine? Common sense dictates that they would have to, but common sense and fact aren’t always synonymous.
The lab that my place of employment uses does check for this. I have had one applicant fail the test because of this.
Not only that, but they can detect if it has been diluted.
At one of the “doc-in-a-box” clinics where I worked, a client tried to hand the lab tech a urine cup of Mountain Dew. The tech looked at it and said: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept that sample. Urine doesn’t fizz”
I know at least one person who’s beaten a UA by using “synthetic urine” obtained from a head shop. Either the lab didn’t look very hard, or the mystery liquid contained enough chemicals from real urine to pass.
I have to ask-what did he use?
My husband works in a prison. They do surprise random drug tests. They are strip searched before they enter the sample-taking area. Not only does the guard watch the inmate urinate into the cup, but it is instantly temperature tested to make sure it is at body temperature.
The labs that do their drug screenings are the same that are used by employers-- some labs specialize in urine testing as a business. They check to see that it is urine, and check for various “cleaners” or masking agents before testing it for drugs.
I am not sure. I just got a report that said the sample was not authentic or something like that.
Makes me wonder how he snuck it into the cup. The last time I took a piss test(a month ago), I was watched the entire time, and had to lift up my shirt before I went in.
I don’t know the details, but this friend is female if that has any bearing on it. I know it wasn’t the first time she passed a test this way, though. I’ve heard that some people actually use a catheter to fill their own bladders with fake urine (ugh), but she didn’t go that far.
If anyone ever expects me to piss while they’re staring at my equipment, they’re going to be pretty disappointed.
Without straying too close to dangerous territory, I hope, when I’ve been tested I’ve never been watched while urinating. The collector had me empty my pockets before, and instructed me not to turn on the water or flush.
Lucky you. Those of us in the military (well, reserves for me, now) with “shy bladder syndrome” (technically called paruresis) have to take observed urinalysis tests frequently. It’s quite humiliating to have someone watch your John Thomas while you can’t produce a sample. Most of the time the observers are cool about it and don’t actually stare at your crotch, but not always, and even so, it is difficult (if not impossible) for someone with shy bladder syndrome to go with someone in the room at all. Ugh.
-Tofer
Speaking as a onetime MRO (Whiz Quiz doctor) I can say that the expectation for the witness is for there to be “eyeball to urethra” observation.
Shy bladder can generally be overcome by exhaling, then holding one’s breath until one pees. Most individuals will pee before losing consciousness. Avoid this technique until you’ve consulted your physician if you have uncontrolled epilepsy or uncontrolled hypertension, neurovascular deficits, frequent unexplained losses of consciousness, or have actually held your breath until you passed out before.
Isn’t that what happened with actor Tom Sizemore? Before he gave a sample to his parole officer, he was found to be wearing a fake bladder rig?
Last week I had to do a urine test for work. They measured the temperature as soon as I handed her the cup. At the last place I had to do one (for the same job), the door was more like the door to a dressing room - about the middle third was closed and the top and bottom were open.
Yes. I worked in an inpatient drug rehab before. Some dumbass’ apple juice pee is my cite.
They also can check for:
The test was not a good one then. A lab analysis would have busted that instantly. However, a cassette test such as can be bought at a pharmacy for quick home testing or used as a cheap “spot test” at work sites can be fooled by this.
But a true urine analysis done at a lab would not be fooled. They also test for things like white blood cells, specific gravity, sugar, yeast, protein, BUN, nitrogen, blah blah blah. You ain’t gonna make a synthetic mix that can mimic all the usual urine components.
Real urine has traces of cells, proper pH, specific gravity and temperature, evidence of urobilinogens, etc. A good urine dipstick can quickly test more than 10 properties of urine, and a microscopic and temperature exam adds many more. Piss tests are unusual in Canada, but I’ve seen my share of people faking hematuria/kidney stones to try to get Percocets. Good techs aren’t fooled.
Since my friend has managed to defeat several UAs, I can only assume most job applicants aren’t put through the same degrading treatment as prisoners and drug rehab patients.
Of course, there are some of us who would absolutely consider it degrading to be asked to produce a urine sample for any purpose, other than medical!