Really Stoopid inventions

I’m not talking fads necessarily just really dumb inventions. We can probably exclude Ron Popiel because I think he has already been covered in another thread but if you think of one that really need mentioning then please go ahead.

Here are a couple really stupid ones I can think of:

Anyone remember those pendents things that penned to a woman’s left or right lapel or blouse? They had a retractable ballpoint pen on a little cable that wound back up into the pendent when you were through writing. Really insipid.

Those dumb fake dogs that people put in the back window of their cars. The dog’s head continually bobbed up and down not only distracting the driver in the rear view mirror but distracting the person following in the other car.

And some SD’ers may not agree with this but I think the “stand alone” Lazy Susans that people use to put on their kitchen tables or cabinets were pretty awful.

And this kinda ventures over into fashion but my wife insisted that I mention “Sweater Holders” those awful gold chains that clamped onto either side of women’s button up sweaters.

Anyone else out there got some that we could poke fun at?

Yours truly,

Two words: plastic Slinky.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

Well, I used to see these little brass hooks in magazines that women were supposed to hook over the shoulders of coats to hold their purses. Never saw anyone using one, though.


It can’t be called an invention and is probably a fad but one of the dumbest things i’ve ever seen to spend good money on was the pet rock.


Voted Best Sport
And narrowly averted the despised moniker Smiley Master

Forward deployed until 18AUG00

Just when I thought I’d seen everything there was a business section article about the possibility of marketing pre-sliced peanut butter like kraft cheese singles.

Perfumed magazine inserts.

Oh, come on, Chief. I love the Jerry Garica ChiaPet. Looks just like him once the moss grows out!

How about non-alcoholic beer? What in the hell is the point of that? Yeah, like I really want to drink some clear tepid piss-water that doesn’t even get me drunk. And don’t even get me started on decaf coffee.

Spray paint bald spot cover
Floobee hair cut appliance
Glow-in-the-dark penlight
Floating candles for the tub

Teacher, my red crayon tastes funny – Ralph Wiggum

The greatest unsung invention (that never caught on) was six-day underwear. The underwear has three leg holes, so you rotate it by 120° every day. After the third day, you turn it inside out and repeat the process. Voilà, underwear you can wear for six days in a row without having to wash it.

Once in a camping store I saw dehydrated wine. I can’t recall which vintage.

The garden weasel.

Hey! My freestanding lazy susan is a lifesaver. It’s sitting in my spice cabinet and allows me access to all my seasonings. I don’t have to dig through my anise and mace to get to the cardamom and vanilla extract. The nutmeg, allspice and fennel are each just a simple spin away.

Stoopid invention, indeed. It’s not as if it was a painted quarter that somebody was trying to sell you for $39.95.

Plunging like stones from a slingshot on Mars.

I gotta second the Garden Weasel, tho. I bought onna those. More like a garden slug, thank you very much!

You want stupid inventions? Find yourself the old movie Gizmo! (1977) if you can. Let’s see… there was the electric spaghetti fork, the mechanical horse… Oh and lets not forget the guy with the huge set of wings thinking he was going to fly.


Check this out.

I’ve got an old Mystery Science Theater videotape with a commercial featuring a dancing claymation potato on it (sing it with me now):

Oh yeah! We’re gonna’ twist!
'Tater Twister
Real surprise!
Cuts and shapes
some curley fries!
Come on!

Basically it was an electric motor you impaled a potato on, then using a knifey gizmo, you bore down on the poor tuber, creating a starchy helix of spud while simoultaniously wasting nearly half the thing and making a pulpy mess to boot. Even though the commercial was only 30 seconds (half of that devoted to the dancing potato) they couldn’t edit it in a way that might hide how messy and wastfull it was. And it was totally useless if you didn’t have your own deep fryer. Silly.

The other thing that springs to mind was this thing I saw advertised as a child. The “Inside the egg shell egg scrambler”. Honest. I’m not making that up.


Woah, man. Don’t dis the spork. I went to an arts program where they ONLY gave you sporks and knives. And while there is an art to spork usage, not unlike the chop stick, I grew to love that hybrid utensil.

How about those packages of chips and a cup of salsa pre-packed? How lazy can you get? Or those ones of cereal with the little package of milk? Please. The wastefulness makes me ill.

DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Sc: i

Then again, some posters may find this to be the greatest idea they’ve ever heard.