First Families of Virginia vs. Mayflower Descendants - The Battle of the Insufferables Continues
It’s True - You Can’t Get Help These Days: What to do when the help drinks
A Conversation with Lucretia Mellonwellon - and a stunning centerfold spread!
Pablo, Marco, Vincenzo - Who’s the Poolboy For You? Take our quiz and find out!
No, Guinastasia, you don’t talk about such things in public.
You do, however, pore over descriptions of them in private. 
Let’s think of it as porn for hypochondriac dowagers.
I think I am living proof of that, young man.
Are you the “right sort” for this magazine? (If you have to ask, the answer is “no”.)
…and in the film review column: The Sick Scents. Who could forget the classic line, “I smell old people”.
Interview with Lovie Howell: How to Maintain Decorum in a Tropical Locale
And I’ve mentioned on many occasions that I want to be you when I grow up.
“Is your husband dead? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.”
Think it’s a joke? When my uncle was born, my Great-Great Aunt Jane helped my grandmother bathe him. Afterwards she told my grandmother that she was “sorry about his ‘deformity’”. :eek:
Said Dowager Aunt also had three purses. The first was her regular purse, but it didn’t close at the top and therefore filled with water when it rained. So she turned it upside down. Naturally everything fell out of it, so she put it upside-down in another purse. Alas, this purse didn’t close either, and also filled with water, so she would zip the entire catastrophe into a third purse that was waterproof.
How To:
[ul]
[li]Let Go of that No-longer Perfect Accessory[/li][li]Deliver the Cut Direct[/li][li]Be Perfectly Rude By Being Perfectly Well-mannered[/li][li]and other topics, coming soon![/li][/ul]
White glove road tests:
Tea vs. evening length/summer & winter weights
Which hold up best to snagging on giant diamonds?
Which scoop up the most dust so as to humiliate your lessers?
Marriage after 50: How to analyze his investment portfolio.
Taking care of your ailing parents. The criminal lawyer’s advice.
Summertime Photo Special - Private Pleasures! - We sent the world’s top photographers to the worlds most beautiful private beaches, all to show you the latest, most sensational bathing -
machines! Gorgeous models to fit every budget.
Unmentionables! Victoria keeps hers secret, and so should you! Pages and pages of what not to discuss - even more on what not to acknowledge!
Boston Marriages Chastity finds its truest expression.
Crinoline - the virtuous woman’s truest weapon. Are you sure you’re wearing enough?
Our Thanksgiving Issue
What centerpiece best tells your relatives how much they’ve disappointed you?
101 ways to remind them that football matches and parades are entertainments for common folk
How to make those visiting nieces and nephews to love you more than their parents, without having to spend time with the little monsters
Getting the focus back where it belongs-your ancestors came over on the Mayflower, but their only worthwhile accomplishment was you!
Raising scruffy little rag-mop yap dogs for fun and profit.
Pearls… Can One Wear Too Many Strands?
In Search of… The Perfect Gin
Smart New Looks In Surgical Stockings
Vericose Veins. The True Mark of Blue Blood?
Exercise Ladies! Keep Those Noses and Pinkies Up!
Southern Dowagers. When Is It Acceptable To Scream “Law!” In Public?
How To Ensure That No One But You Ever Sits In Your Pew
How To Open One’s Own Car Door In An Emergency
Does your fainting couch need to be restuffed?
Take this quiz to find out!
Of course one can. One or three strands are acceptable—five, if you are a Super Dowager. Never wear an even number of strands.
OMG! Swampbear knows my grandmother!
Super Dowager. Now there’s a super heroine for you!
She wears a fur lined cape emblazoned with a diamond encrusted D, five strands of pearls, an evening gown, opera length gloves, sensible shoes, and a lorgnette. Whenever she hears of an ettiquette breach she dodders over to the offending party, raises herself up to full height and exclaims “Well, Really!” Once again civility is restored thanks to Super Dowager!
Hmm… you know, “Dowager” magazine will need a good fiction section. 