Recurring Dream about my deceased father

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ve never been into dream analysis much, but this one gets me.

My Dad died 2 1/2 years ago. They found him on the bathroom floor. I flew in from Florida, went to his funeral and flew back.

But in this dream that I probably have at least once a week, he didn’t die. However, they did find him “dead” as described, I went to the funeral, but just as they were about to cremate him, they discovered he was still alive. In these dreams the time period is present day and Dad and I have conversations about how doctors are worthless, can’t even tell that a guy isn’t really dead, etc. We even joke about how he woke up and thought he was in hell as he was going into the crematorium. We talk for a while and have a few laughs. We talk about life and everything that has happened since then.

These meetings occur in different places (real places on earth). For example once was at my lake house (used to be his) where I showed him all of the details of the new well pump system I put in (we had always had trouble with that and worked on it together). Today it really works great, but last week in the dream, the new pump was messing up like the old one. He told me to keep working on it and slapped me on the back.

Then, always, the dream ends with my father in his chair with a distraught look on his face. My mother says that the whole ordeal hurt him and that he will never be the same. I tell her that we should sue the bastards that thought he was dead and she always tells me that he won’t allow it; they did the best they could, etc.

And then I try to go and talk to him…and wake up. When I wake up, I’m actually relieved that he’s dead since the dream reality would have been hell on earth. But I still miss the old guy.

So any dream analysts want to take a shot at this one? Do I need some lithium injected rectally?

2

My WAG? “Unfinished business” with him. You want him back. You want him to see the things you’ve accomplished. You know the pump works well; in your dream he’s helping you fix it. You said it yourself, you miss him.

My dad died before he could see me graduate from college or marry my husband. I used to dream about him talking with me. I think it was my brain’s way of working out memories of him and trying to figure out what my life would be like without him.

3

I lost my dad in '02. I frequently dream about him still being alive. Sometimes he’s the same as before he died (sick with emphysema) and sometimes he’s perfectly healthy.

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago and is in an assisted living facility. Whenever I dream about her now, she always has Alzheimer’s. If I can dream that my dad is alive, why can’t I dream that my mother is healthy?

4

My mother died over 25 yrs ago. I still have dreams about her. I doubt it they will ever go away, and in some ways, I hope they don’t.

5

My mom died 14 years ago. She started visiting my dreams shortly after that and, though much less frequently now, she still does. We always have a good laugh, as we often did when she was alive, and I totally enjoy the experience. IMO, it’s your subconscious dealing with your loss. Go with it and enjoy more time with your dad.

6

My dad died about 10 years ago, and while I often dream he’s still alive, he always in the background or somewhere else. I never actually speak with him, instead I talk to other people about him or others mention him to me.

I’m curious – it’s pretty much the exact same dream every time? That makes me wonder if it’s really about your dad, or in fact about some other thing or person your dad was associated with. Like, do you think the medical people somehow fucked up and he died because of it? Do you feel some kind of guilt about now owning the summer home.

Really I don’t know, but if it is the same dream every time, there are a lot more recurring elements than just your dad. He may be the one that sticks in your head after you wake of, but not necessarily be the stimulus for the dream.

7

My dad’s been dead for 5 years. Occasionally I dream of him and he’s alive and well and just as real as ever.

I don’t ever recall the dreams being specifically about him though. Usually he’s just there as a supporting actor in a cast of many. It makes me glad to see him. I feel sad sometimes when I wake up and realize he’s not really still around. Sometimes I smile and realize that as long as he’s in my dreams he’s immortal. I get a kick out of that.

8

I have dreams like that about my grandfather, who died in '85. In the dreams we stay at his house, which is a huge mansion and filled with relatives who died 180 years ago. And I have to research a secret which is hidden in the mansion.

In reality, his house was, literally, a dump. (It took two days for my mother and my aunt to clean the mail off the living room floor–and don’t get me started on the kitchen.) And I only know my ancestors from some diaries or historical records. And the secret is some bizarre thing involving Aliester Crowley, Baader Meinhof, and the Situationist International, people who my grandfather didn’t give a $#@% about anyway.

9

This is the part I would focus on because it is the repeating part and common thread.

In particular this:
**I tell her that we should sue the bastards
**
Which indicated some bitterness or anger on your part that needs to be uncovered, dealt with and let go.
Just a WAG
IS there someone/thing, including yourself that you blame for his death, or something like if only you did something he would have been still alive

I also think the part where she says he will never be the same may be referring partly to you

10

My father died in 2002 and I had dreams like this. The bizarre thing about the dreams was that it was almost always acknowledged that he had died, but he was back now. It was never explained and never seemed to bother anybody. I was puzzled.

11

I’ve had dreams about my dad, but nothing like the repetitive dream of the OP.

To me, the OP’s dream sounds like a version of the anxiety nightmares I sometimes get that I visit my mom and find out that the beloved family pet from childhood (that died 20 years ago) is still alive, but totally forgotten someplace in the house. I hate those heartbreaking dreams! The pet is all emaciated, because no one’s been feeding it for two decades etc. :: shudder ::

ETA: The dreams about my dad being alive are relatively “normal”, like they either take place in the past, or he simply never died. So wile I may be disappointed when I wake up, the aren’t heart wrenching like the OP’s recurring dream.

12

i also had reoccuring dreams of my parents. one of the earlier ones that was just a week or 2 after mum’s passing was a “zombie” version of mum. a bit of decomposition and clawed and crawled out of the grave. after that one she looked just as she did in her 60’s ( she passed in her late 80’s).

they come with less frequency now, but it was nearly nightly for the first 6 months.

13

I lost my dad in 1991. I thought that I had reconciled (long story) with my parents and was really surprised when SWMBO and I went to see Big Fish. I was crying like a baby at the end of that movie. I apparently still have some unresolved issues and they never will be.

14

My dad very rarely, these days, pops up in my dreams. He died in 1993. But I still remember one from a few years ago when in the dream I knew he was dead, and he knew it, and I hugged him and sort of got to say goodbye, because IRL I didn’t.

I mean, I don’t really believe in an afterlife, but that was one damn convincing dream. I can’t put it into better words, I don’t have the ability, but trust me on that.

15

I lost my dad a little over two years ago, and I sometimes dream that I’ve gone to my mom’s house and Dad is there sitting on the couch watching TV like he always did. Or he’s raiding the fridge, another common occurrance when he was alive… :slight_smile: Anyways, in my dream I’m always on my way out of Mom’s house, and I have to find Dad to tell him I’m leaving. I know why I dream this, the last time I saw my dad I didn’t say goodbye before I left. I wasn’t mad at him or anything, I was just in a hurry to get somewhere for some reason. If I had known that it would be the last time I’d see him alive I would’ve made sure to say goodbye. Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve… :frowning:

16

OP back. I haven’t been ignoring the responses. Just reading and reflecting. You all have excellent analysis and responses. Many thanks to you all.

17

I am 61, my ma is alive and will be 83. My dad passed away about 25 years ago. My ma is doing fine. Yet last week and then last night I dreamt about my dad. That has never happened before.
Last week I dreamt my ma died and all us kids were trying to figure out hwo to calm dad down. Finally I decided I would take him home with me.
Last night I dream I went back to Fla to check on a house I am trying to sell. There in the living room is my dad. He has a bed, tv and couch. In each dream we carry on conversations. He says he heard the house was empty and since he had no where to go he moved in.

18

Sounds to me like some part of your brain is trying to cook up realistic scenarios where you get him back.

19

I would give anything to see my mom in my dreams. She died 12 years ago, and I haven’t seen her since. She was young, I was 21, and she died from a very nasty cancer. I had no real idea such bad things could happen to anyone, let alone my mother. :frowning:

I’ve had anxiety and panic problems ever since.

Be thankful you get to see him, explore the ideas above (I especially agree with the emphasis on the ending of the dream - a little hint about how you will never be the same, perhaps?) and enjoy them, if you can.

20

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