So if I made a post that favorite pants had a hole in the crotch and I was upset because these were my favorite pants and then added “they make my package look awesome”, is this somehow different?
Is this really necessary information?
Can I NOW be angered when someone takes the bait about my tallywhacker?
Because if it’s ok to talk about my junk, then I’m going to work it into all my posts. Hey, wanna see picks of my new shotgun? See how it makes my pecker look bigger?
I have a question about my computer. How do I get pic’s of my fabulous manhood on the screensaver?
You throw trash out, don’t be surprised when someone picks it up.
Seriously, though, my perspective is there’s a disconnect between asking for stain removal advice and commenting on sexual characteristics. It’s different at the party, where the context is socializing. And the people there would be face-to-face with your personality in a way that a message board doesn’t allow, which further affects the context.
To look at another context, from time to time there are threads on the Dope where women ask for advice and info on clothes, bras, swimsuits etc. that properly fit the well-endowed. To my knowledge, those threads don’t get any of the sexual innuendo comments. Sure, boobs are mentioned, but it seems easy to recognize that frivolous sex-related banter is out of place.
I’m not trying to justify the remarks, but to offer some insight and explanation. Away from the party atmosphere, in the more mundane realm of getting laundry advice, and lacking the chance to have been conversing about what-have-you for a while, the detailed description of the shirt’s merits just seemed like a bolt out of the blue. I think some of us found it an odd juxtaposition, and didn’t quite know what to make of it.
I think the men reading this thread would be wise to consider more thoughtfully when and if any sexual reference might be welcome. Likewise, you may want to consider that in some situations body references might be best left unsaid.
Well, that’s a completely different scenario as there was a minor emergency at hand. Let’s say you stained your shirt the night before and were asking this same group of people (including both friends and strangers by your account) for advice on the how to fix the stain. Do you think you would have described the shirt in the same way? If yes, how should the unfamilar men in the group respond? Obviously a “cite” comment is out of place because you’re in person and there isn’t the SDMB history in play. But maybe someone makes a jovial comment (e.g. “I hope for our sake you get that stain out”) after you exclaim the effect the shirt has on your figure. Are you offended or does everyone chuckle and consider it banter. Maybe you even counter with comment of your own.
In my circle of close friends (several married couples) a comment like yours would have most definitely been met with a good-natured joke or two from both the men and women, but we’re goofy like that. Sexist comments can be dependent on the context and the company in which they’re said. There are things I might say to my wife and she knows I’m joking or just trying to get a rise out of her that I sure wouldn’t say to a stranger or mere acquaintance.
In a not so familiar group, I would consider the comment TMI and unnecessary and I might wonder if there was some motive behind saying it, namely trying to attract attention. Later, you might be referred to as “amazing boob lady” or something of that nature (I’m terrible with names). But not to your face, of course.
Is The Dope a close circle of friends or a group of strangers? Or is it a mix? In any case, I think everyone is fine with refraining from the “cite” joke (seems a little juvenile to me anyway) the next time you decide to mention your amazing boobs.
It is naive to think that an emphasized off-hand boob comment will not attract male attention. Obviously some guys took the bait, even if you weren’t fishing.
I also noticed that there was quite a time delay between the OP, the “cite” posts, and when Tracy Lord came back to share the success of saving her shirt and express her displeasure with the comments. In real life, that would be like the guy at the party coming up an hour or two later and saying something like “oh yeah, I’d like to see you in that shirt somtime” out of the blue. Definitely sleazy. Sometimes the posts come in at a rapid-fire bantering pace. I can see how coming back 8 hours later and finding comments about your boobs would be annoying.
No, it doesn’t all have to be matter-of-fact. The coloration of additional info and insight helps make things more interesting here, and gives us a small sense of getting to know each other. But we need to be mindful that sometimes that coloration can lead to other areas. The effect varies on a case-by-case basis.
In this case, I would say that the “amazing boobs” comment had the effect of saying “I look hot” to a bunch of people who couldn’t see you (an example of difference in context from being at a party). Probably everyone was curious about just how you do look. And since you were forthright about mentioning your boobs, I don’t it find it hard to see that some figured they were fair game for playful comments. As I’ve said, I don’t think the comments were all that great, but you raised the subject. If the subject hadn’t been raised (specifically mentioning boobs), there would have been no comments about them.
And as I mentioned in my post above, context plays a role. I don’t think your mentioning boobs in a thread about finding a swimsuit to fit would have gotten those kind of responses. I’m just saying that what is said needs to be considered in combination with where it is said. Certain details aren’t always a good fit in certain discussions.
“The one that is the only shirt that goes with my great purple skirt, the one that I can wear to work and to the theatre, the one that fits perfectly and has excellent darts that makes my waist look tiny and my boobs look amazing.”
I’m late to this party, but is it possible that the usage of italics supplied inducement to misbehave? I know it raised my eyebrows.
