Hmmmm…¤ A Mundane, pointless thread that’s a ‘must share’: (1) Check, (2) Check (3) Doubt it.
¤ A well thought out rant peppered with a few expletives: (1) Definitely not, (2) Check.
¤ A frank poll / discussion on a less-than-cosmic topic: I think we have a winner. IMHO it is.
Too Long Didn’t Read Alert: It’s a shame drmark2000 never got to post his manifesto; I’m probably the only one who would’ve enjoyed reading it. Speaking of reading & banality, I’ve got one of those little (MPSIMS?) annoyances I’ve never seen anyone complain about before: The overabundance of non-commercial road signage. I’ve decided it’s time I air my gripes; I mean what is the SDMB for if not carrying on & ranting about meaningless bullshit? I don’t even think Andy Rooney has ever cut his teeth on this issue – but driving into work today was my epiphany.
It all started when I found myself asking, “Have any of those huge electronic highway alert signs that came en vogue a year or two ago ever ‘warned’ me about anything of consequence?” The answer was a resounding, “No”. I made a note to check the roadsides I travel upon for other useless signage – and believe you me; someone’s making a fortune here. If I had the political connections, I’d hand in my resignation tomorrow and open a sign manufacturing business.
Knowing the largesse of my local government, I’m going to operate under the assumption the NYC-metropolitan area has the largest amount of useless highway signage. In fact, our overabundance of official government signs more than makes up for our limited number of billboards. I could have turned this rant into a cutesy digital photography project; but like the signs on NY area bridges warn: PHOTOGRAPHIC EQUIPMENT PROHIBITED.
I’m already starting to ramble on and veer off my planned route, so let me get on to listing some of the (IMHO) stupid shit I’m forced to pay for and unable to avoid reading while rolling down the highway. If anyone has other examples they can add to my list of ‘reflective grievances’ – I’d like to hear about them.[ul]
[li](As already mentioned) The Electronic Highway Warning Signs: Yeah, occasionally I’ll see an Amber alert and once in a blue moon will be notified of a traffic jam up ahead, but without exaggerating, the signs in my part of the country usually read: ‘ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ – 0123456789’ or “SIGN UNDER TEST” in scrolling illuminated letters. On those few days a year they’re operating as they’re supposed to, I’m usually getting cell phone or seat belt regulation warnings as I’m crawling along at 5 mph.[/li][li]SNOW EMERGENCY ROUTE: Now, I would understand designating certain thoroughfares as snow emergency routes if they had to be kept clear for plowing – but the bureaucrats in my area designate parkways as snow emergency routes (and place a sign every mile on the roadside to alert us all). What the hell is a snow emergency anyway? Wouldn’t the number of inches required to declare an emergency pretty much make driving impossible?[/li][li]COASTAL EVACUATION ROUTE: Speaking of specially designated routes and signs as prevalent than mile-markers, these Coastal Evacuation Routes seem to have a minor flaw. I live on an island that’s about 15 miles wide. The south shore faces the Atlantic – and the north shore faces the sound. The problem with these routes on the south -> north roadways is that they never point you westward to evacuate the island. Anyone confused enough to not know how to get ooutta Dodge would probably end up driving into the body of water off the other coast.[/li][li]STUDENTS CROSSING: Before anyone misunderstands, I concede the fact warning signs around schools are a good idea. But in a few instances, the local departments of transportation get a tad bit overzealous. Blinking yellow lights & reduced speed limits probably do save lives, but how many student crossing signs are necessary? If you’re ever near the ‘boulevard of death’ at Queens Plaza, you’d probably concur: Having a crossing sign on each side of the crosswalks at every single intersection near LaGuardia Community College is overkill. The jaywalking students in the area are from being children, and most of them would be forced to agree that warning signs like this are far more appropriate. [/li][li]LOW FLYING PLANES: Speaking of former mayors & the borough of Queens, I’ve yet to fully grasp the concept of low flying plane warnings that litter the Grand Central Pkwy in the vicinity of LaGuardia Airport. OK, I realize available space is limited and runway approaches need to cross the highway…but what the fuck they expect me to do when I see a yellow sign telling me planes are soaring over the roof of my car? Am I supposed to pull over, retract the roof of the convertible and duck down just low enough to peer over the dashboard?[/li][li]RAILROAD OVERPASS MARKERS: Speaking of overhead, you might be able to convince me that overpasses should have signs notifying drivers which street they are about to cross under – but I challenge you to explain to me why there’s a need to put the name of the railroad on the side of the tressel. As evidenced by the linked photo, I’m not sure if the commuter line out in my neck of the woods took a page from Amtrak’s playbook or vice versa, but I don’t know a single person who grabs a LIRR express train to Jamaica station from the roadway below.[/li][li]NO SHOULDER: Isn’t that pretty evident to anyone who needs to pull over to catch the train? I mean when there’s a guard rail a mere 12" away from either your driver or passenger side door - or you’re driving through a canyon-like The Cross-Bronx or extra-slender Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, is there really a need to inform drivers there’s no place to pull over?[/li][li]FINES DOUBLED FOR SPEEDING IN WORK ZONES: In principle, I don’t have much of a problem with the concept of this law. Christ knows the last thing drivers want to do is startle those hard-working road construction crews. Donuts get dropped, newspapers blown and worse yet; hot coffee could get spilled. My tin-foil hat may be a little tight, but I have a sneaking suspicion the main reason these recently enacted double-whammy fines were made into law was so signs could be erected on every roadway in the state. Riddle me this, when was the last time you were able to drive anything even near the speed limit while driving past a “work” zone? These signs are useless: They assume driver’s know what the regular fine is – and litter every roadway (whethger they’ll be repaired soo or not).[/li][li]NO HORN BLOWING – EXCEPT FOR DANGER: Farked-out D aside, I’m fairly certain these warning signs are to my pretty much confined to my area of the country. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the need for noise control, but does anyone really think a stressed out gypsy hack who’s on the 11th hour of a 12 hour shift is going to heed it? Other than acting as miniature sound deflection devices, even the warning signs that threaten fines as steep as $350.00 don’t have a diminutive effect on the honking. As a populist aside: I’d also note there are a shitload more noise-restrictions on Sutton Place than there are down in Alphabet City. I wonder why that is. [/li][li]NO STANDING ANYTIME: Speaking of Sutton Place, there are some streets in Manhattan that have way too many parking restriction notices. The Food Emporium supermarket on 1st Avenue is the first of countless examples that comes to mind. Without exaggeration, there’s a “No Standing” sign every 9’ along the entire length of 60th Street. Spaced a mere 108” apart – that’s more than one per car length (and almost 2 per SUV-length). At the risk of sounding like an even more ignorant fool – I totally forgot the exact definition of what “no standing” was. I guess it’s been too many years since I took that DMV written exam. [/li][li]WELCOME TO…: Of all the signs I’ve described, these are the ones that piss me off more than any other. “Why?” you ask, “isn’t it government’s job to clearly identify their city’s limits?” Yeah, sure, I have no problem with that. But would you mind telling me whose brilliant idea it was to put the names of government officials at the bottom of all these signs? No one (who doesn’t already know) gives a shit who the Mayor or Borough President is when crossing a boundary line. In fact, people should start asking who in the hell pays to change the names of these egomaniacs after each election cycle.[/ul][/li]
Which (finally) leads me to the end of this post…The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m convinced the huge number of useless road signs is not only a waste of taxpayer money – but they may even emit so much ‘white noise’ they’ve become counter productive. TMI indeed. I’m not calling for the outright banishment of every new sign concept that comes along. There are some I even like and consider effective: Such as the “DON’T EVEN THINK OF PARKING HERE warnings. To bring this thread around full circle, here’s the last on today’s list of senseless signage:[ul][li]LITTER REMOVAL NEXT ONE MILE BY…: ADOPT A HIGHWAY? All I can say is ‘Holy Robert Moses’. Kramerisms aside, you ever get the feeling if your local politicians and bureaucrats stopped spending so much money on all these road signs, there’s be plenty left in the budget to clean up the highways without having to put them up for adoption in the first place? I don’t give a fuck how Bette Midler spends her money – but I seriously doubt I’m gonna run out and rent Ruthless People just because her swatch of roadside has less cigarette butts and coffee cups strewn on it. I don’t even care if 7-11 or some electronics retailer opts to plunk a few bucks down to lease their very own roadside dump. But when public utility companies & cable monopolies start getting in the act, I’m forced to realize they’re paying for their piece of the 'American roadside’ with our money.[/ul][/li]
OK. I said I was concluding and I have. To keep this thread IMHO-worthy, I was wondering if you had any local examples of useless road signage you’d like to share.
