If you’re totally not car-savvy, I’d do the following… based on Tomcat’s list:
Checking all of the lights - Piece of cake to do, just make sure they all work
Changing the oil and filter - Fairly easy to DIY, but at least get it done regularly
Checking the air filter, beating it on the ground for a few seconds if needed, or replaced it. - You should be able to find the air filter easily, and it’s not hard to take out and inspect/replace.
Checking the spark-plug wires for cracks - Easy, just a visual inspection, make sure they look good
Carefully removeing and cleaning the spark-plugs (aluminum block engines can have the spark-plug holes stripped fairly easily), replace if necessary (or buy Platinum ones that last forever) - I’d skip this and have someone replace the plugs regularly
Checking the cap-n-rotor - Skip this
Cleaning and filling the battery (distilled water only). Pour club soda on the terminals to clean them easily. - easy to do, visual inspection for crud and simple cleanup.
Pop off the front tires and check the brakes. Check all lug nuts and tire pressure (incl. spare) when done. - This is tougher to do, You should get a guy to rotate your tires fairly regularly, he can check for you then.
Looking and testing all wires and cables for looseness and fraying. - Not too difficult, just look at the wiring under the hood and see if any looks like it’s falling apart.
Check radiator belt - Check all the belts for condition, if they show any cracks outside or inside, they should be replaced.
Go around the car and tighten screws and bolts. - I’d skip this, if you over tighten something, you could just cause problems.