A lot of people will advocate meeting a SO through friends. I can see the merits- a friend is more likely to have common interests, you’ll probably know more about each other ahead of time, and many relationships can build gradually.
But its not for everyone, and I’m interested in hearing stories where friend-relationship situations backfired. Maybe an ugly breakup strained your friendships with other people. Maybe another friend got on much better with your ex and it made you jealous.
I have one story. I met ‘Jane’ right after a messy breakup. She was BFFs with my friend’s wife. I thought it would work out well because in theory, we had a lot in common. She was attending my Alma Mater, and even had the same major. She lived close by, loved books, and sci fi movies, musical theatre, had a very pretty face and awesome boobs. We initially hit it off, spending hours talking to each other, had great sex, and I initially started thinking I could have a great relationship with this person.
Then just as quickly, the veneer wore off. She was incredibly indecisive; she couldn’t commit to the smallest decision. She was surprisingly insecure and would use a lot of self-depricating humor, downplaying any talent or skill. She would surround herself with genuinely talented friends and constantly talk about how she wished she was as talented/confident/beautiful as they were. Her answer to half of my questions was “I guess?” She didn’t work and her mom paid the rent for the studio apartment she was living in. At the time I was working 60 hours a week and she didn’t understand why I couldn’t just take a day off unpaid to go to the beach. The sex was great but as time passed I realized we didn’t have much in common.
The worst part was the gossip. Early on she politely asked that I not “kiss and tell” to their friends. I agreed this was a good idea and kept to my word…but she didn’t. Turns out over several months, in addition to telling her BFF (my friend’s wife) every detail of every interaction I had with Jane, Jane would also go so far as to forward intimate text messages to her friend in the context of “look at this disgusting sentence my boyfriend just told me”. I actually found out when my friend’s wife started criticizing me about it later :rolleyes: . I was pretty embarrassed and mad.
One day my ex called me and we had a rather civil conversion. Both of us had moved on so there was no ill will. She asked how the relationship with Jane had went in past tense. When I asked for clarification, it turned out she was taking to some mutual friends with Jane. Jane told them she was planning on breaking up with me and rattled off a laundry list of all the things about me she found insufferable.
It did not come as a great shock or sadness when she officially broke up with me, since she was the last person to let me know at that point. Not surprisingly, I stopped talking with that group of friends and it really soured the concept of meeting people through friends. Guess I had crappy friends. But I can’t be the only person on the planet to have drama like this.