I’m pretty good friends with an ex of mine (A). Last week she was working (server), figured she’d have a ton of free time, and I could come, read, and chat when she wasn’t actively busy. Another of her friends (B) was there too. It turned out to be really busy (didn’t talk with A at all for the hour I was there), so B and I took off, to meet up with A when her shift was over. A and B also dated in the past.
A couple days later, B e-mails me, just mundane things. I comment to A that I found it odd. A doesn’t think so. Tuesday B asks me to hang out, I accept, we play some board games and grab dinner. I talk to A about it later and she’s pissed.
My question is why? She hasn’t been in the talking mood. She mentioned something about jealousy. Does that sound like a reasonable thing? I don’t pick up on social cues very well (No, not a sdmb poster…) Of the two people I asked, one didn’t see why she’d be mad, and the other did, but is really bad at explaining things. So, am I an idiot, or is my friend nuts?
I might be able to give some insight from her angle. One time, I dumped my current girlfriend to start seeing another girl. That lasted about a week. Right after that, they started hanging out and becoming friends. I didn’t like it because I didn’t know what in the world they were talking about. I for sure didn’t hang out when they invited me.
Does B know this? Maybe A is worried that B will get the wrong idea, then there will be drama, then she will have to listen to it … some people prefer that their friends and/or their exes stay in neater compartments.
B knows. We’re both very clear that there’s no relationship there.
I’ve been told that they don’t want the mixing, why? A has invited B and me together to social gatherings dozens of times. We’ve hung out in her presence many many times over the course of years.
My guess would be that A is worried that you two will become buddies and won’t call her as often, and she’ll become Wheel 3. Did either of you call A on Tuesday when you were meeting up?
But really I don’t think there’s enough info to go on. I think you just have to ask her directly what’s up, and if you have but she won’t tell you then no point in wasting your energy worrying about it.
A is. B… well, I guess so. She’s never dated men, but she’ll sleep with them on occasion. That’s more that she’s bored and doesn’t care though, I think.
Neither of us talked to A before B and I met up. A was aware that B and I were e-mailing each other.
Jealousy sounds like the likely culprit, but I think A’s reaction is a bit strong for that.
So, do I have something to apologize for if that’s the case? Should I run something like that by her beforehand? Would the same be true if B and I hadn’t dated A?
