Religion on the bus, en Espanol!

This morning I had an appointment at a medical center that I don’t normally use, so had a fairly long bus commute to get there. At one stop, a group of passengers got on and proceeded to find seats; I’m doing my normal bus-riding activity in the am, which is to say reading the newspaper. All of a sudden, one of the passengers we just picked up commences to speak, turned to passengers on the rear 2/3rd’s of the bus (I was up near the front). She was speaking in Spanish, which I don’t understand, but I got enough to know that she had gone into “prostelizing” mode. She kept going and going (like the Energizer bunny!), sometimes getting quite loud. No one did or said -anything-, which amazed me! Now since this wasn’t a bus route that I take on a daily basis, perhaps she does this daily and it’s just part of the every day routine for those riders and the driver, but honestly I just wanted her to stop. I even went so far as to tap her on the shoulder and ask her to please stop (I probably shouldn’t have touched her I know–I could have gotten hurt); and I guess I can’t really fault the bus driver too much because there have been two recent driver stabbings in the metro area I live in. I just knew that I had to be on that bus for the next 45 minutes or so and all I could do then was to hope that she wasn’t planning on riding (and speechifying!) that far. Fortunately, she got off the bus after about 10 minutes. But geeze!!! Guess it was a captive audience for her, at least those who understood Spanish.

Don’t know if they’re related, but there’s a woman like that here in NYC. She gets up from her seat (I’ve mostly seen her on the subway, occassionaly on buses), goes into a long, religious speech in Spanish, and immediately exits the bus/subway. On the subway, her speeches are clearly timed to coincide with a station stop, so that she can exits the second she’s done - which seems oddly furtive to me.

Anyway, having seen her many times, I know that it’s a self-limiting phenomenon so it doesn’t bother me much. Never been tempted to get up and try to shut her up. Actually, I find it rather funny.

mischievous

Pienso que somos todos Bozos en este autobus!

This is remarkably like something that happened to me a few weeks ago. Given how much it made Qadgop laugh, I suppose I should share it…

(As posted in my LiveJournal)

We (my boyfriend Duncan and I) were riding the #3 bus, going from tasty dinner at Al Pacino Cafe to a showing of RotK at the Senator, when a couple of additional passengers got on. One began by asking, at the top of his lungs, “How’s everybody doing?”

Uh-oh.

Never a good sign on the bus.

One of the other passengers yelled at him a little, and they argued briefly. The first guy (hereinafter referred to as “Preacher One”) continued his State Of The Bus Address.

“It’s Saturday night,” he informed us, “so let’s all try to get to church on Sunday, ok?” He sat down, but then inspiration hit him. “In fact, we could have church on the bus RIGHT NOW!!” The woman across the aisle from us tried to hold back her snickering.

“We all brothers on this bus! If this bus crash, we ALL get hurt! Someone should be PRAYING!”

At this point, the guy who had challenged Preacher One in the beginning (call him “Preacher Two”) shouted “Yeah, in a QUIET PLACE! Get off the bus!”

Preacher One responded, “This IS a QUIET PLACE!”

Duncan clutched his pentagram and whispered to me, in his best Frodo imitation, “It’s getting heavier!”

Preacher One began the Lord’s Prayer.

“Our Father, who art in heaven,”

“SEEK-ME-IN-A-QUI-ET-PLACE!” replied Preacher Two.

“Hallowed be thy name,”

“SEEK-ME-IN-A-QUI-ET-PLACE!”

“thy Kingdom come,”

“QUI-ET PLACE!”

The guy next to us pulled out his cell phone. “Hey man, it’s me. Yeah, we got church on the bus again…”

Preacher One finished the Lord’s Prayer. “Now THAT was the prayer that JESUS taught his DISCIPLES!”

“Yeah, to recite in a QUIET PLACE!” yelled Preacher Two, who, contrary to how it may seem, likes quiet.

Preacher Two then began accusing Preacher One of being “an abomination,” as Preacher One is apparently gay.

“Jesus loves EVERYBODY!” declared Preacher One.

“You, sir, are an abomination!” cried Preacher Two.

“Jesus loves EVERYBODY!”

“Abomination!”

“I bet you can’t even SPELL it!” said Preacher One, trying a new tack.

Preacher Two, ever the scholar, was not about to stand for this. “H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L!”

Under his breath, Duncan started to sing, “Mickey Mouse…” The woman across the aisle snorted, trying even harder not to laugh.

Preacher One, having failed with his second attempt, returned to the old, reliable methods. “Jesus loves EVERYBODY!”

“H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L!”

Preacher One, sensing imminent intellectual defeat, yelled to the driver, “Let me off this bus!” The driver complied, no doubt happily. It took a great deal of Duncan’s willpower to avoid bursting out with a “Can I get a hallelujah? Can I get a PRAISE JESUS?!” We conferred with the passenger who had apparently had more experience with Bus Church. “Oh yeah,” he said, “different guy, different route… couple of days ago. I love MTA.”

This actually came AFTER a rather surreal dining experience in which we got to watch a guy standing on the street corner and doing a little dance while we ate our falafel pizza. He did his little jig for a while, then did some pushups, then returned to the jig briefly before practicing for the 500m Men’s Saunter. He grabbed a bicycle and proceeded to start riding around and around the block. It was… totally awesome. But less awesome than the bus preachers.

Man, I love Baltimore.

People just tune the idiots out. And there are alot of idiots, as I saw in my mass transit periods. What I also discovered, however, is that people tune out psychopaths as well. Which leaves a very convenient way of dealing with the morons. Yes, someone will call the cops if you tear their head off and play bus soccer with it. But if you stand up besides them and describe, loudly and directly into their ear, the results of your last bout of indigestion… well, Jesus rarely seems to interest them any more.

“Brothers”? No, no no no no. Bozos. B-O-Z-O-S.

All Bozos and Bozoettes, please float underneath the blig blue “B” up against the Wall of Science in the Mindless Fellowship Pavilion. Lock your wigs, let the air out of your shoes, and prepare yourselves for a period of simulated exhilaration…

Elfbabe … That had me laughing so hard, I’ve got tears in my eyes. My neighbours must think I’m nuts, laughing to myself here. I’d pay good money to see that (especially accompanied by cell phone guy and snickering woman). What an entertaining night. LOL

The closest thing I’ve had to entertainment on a Metrobus are a few of the mentally handicapped people on the #23 line.