Just because we’re packed in like too-large sardines in a too-small tin doesn’t mean that every rule of etiquette has been suspended. A few pointers:
[ul]
[li]I’m not really interested in making conversation. You could be the most interesting person in the world and I might miss out, but chances are that the most interesting person in the world is out doing something interesting rather than sit on the 6:15 Commuter Express, so I’ll just take that chance.[/li][li]Please use rear exit. Really. That way, we can put people on the bus at the same time people get off the bus and everything ends up going faster. It’s not a hard concept.[/li][li]No, I don’t follow baseball. Not really in the mood to chat.[/li][li]Let people get off the damn subway before you charge the door. It’s a pram you’re pushing, not one of Pharaoh’s chariots.[/li][li]Nope, don’t follow football either. I am now going to put on my noise-reducing headphones, most people would be able to recognize that as a hint.[/li][li]You can actually walk on escalators. If you don’t want to, no worries - just don’t block be in the way of those who actually have places to be.[/li][li]Yes, it’s a bumpy road. See this Blackberry device in my hand? I’m working. Also, not interested in chatting.[/li][li]If there’s a dozen unoccupied double seats in the bus, why must you insist on sitting down next to me? Sure, I’ll move my bag, but it’s a bit weird…[/li][li]Oh, you want to sit next to me to engage in conversation. Not your lucky day. (Nor mine, it appears.)[/li][li]It’s a bus, not your living room. Don’t take a dozen different items out of your gigantic purse and arrange them on the seat. If you absolutely must, don’t scream at the bus driver when he has to brake and your belongings slide everywhere. He has a job to do. You’re just inconveniencing everybody with your antics.[/li][li]Good morning. I am now wearing headphones, sunglasses to avoid eye contact, I have a whopping big textbook on my knees and I’m reading email. I do not want to chat![/li][/ul]
[ul]
[li]If I move out of the way to let you by and you instead take the spot where I was standing, I reserve the right to give you noogies or a charley horse, at my sole discretion.[/li][/ul]
*If there’s standing room only and people behind you are disembarking, move back. That way the people getting on at the front don’t try to cram more and more people into a static amount of space, when there’s plenty available that you’re blocking access to. Not to mention now the front door is forced to be both an entrance and exit.
Good lord, I hated taking the bus at rush hour, as invariably we’d wind up trying to cram 12 people into a 3’x3’ space, while there’s empty space further back.
Also:
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[li]I know that people are trying to cram themselves into the train even though there is no room. That doesn’t mean you have to move for them–especially if you are trying to occupy the same space I am in. There isn’t any room, and jabbing me with your elbows won’t make it so. Push back and tell them this car is full.[/li][li]When I’m sitting my ass down in the last empty seat and pulling my limbs in close to make sure I don’t squish those beside me, don’t harrumph and give me a dirty look. I’m sure you enjoyed having two seats all to yourself, but it’s 5:30 and this train is packed. You can’t really expect to sit all by yourself during commuter rush hour, can you?[/li][li]And when we are all waiting for the morning train and the station is half empty, why would you sidle up behind me and stand so close? That’s creepy and weird. See that guy next to me? That’s my husband. He’s the only one who can spoon me. You are totally way to close.[/li][/ul]
[ul]
[li]Don’t make me ask you to sit down because you’ve chosen to sit in the aisle seat when the window seat is perfectly free as well.[/li][li]Your bag doesn’t need to sit down. I do.[/li][li]Your sandwich looks delicious. It does not, however, smell delicious, and I’m sure most of the rest of the patrons on the bus with whom you are currently sharing your meaty odor with would agree.[/li][li]If not for the way the air shimmers when you exhale, then perhaps for the way everyone around you snorts and coughs and grimaces should you probably realize you need a breath mint. (A similar statement is also applicable to those with scintillating fields of BO)[/li][li]I will second the idea that my wearing of headphones means that I am intentionally precluding the possibility of conversation from any hopes of casual contact you may have wished to make with me. This is also applicable when I am reading as, though I am sure you think yourself an accomplished conversationalist and appear to feel the need to fill any lapse in white noise with it, I am quite comfortable with lapses in white noise, and am reading because I’m trying to engage in a little escapism anyway.[/li][li]There’s room to the back of the bus. Move there or let me pass, but don’t stand there blocking it like you’re guarding a crime scene from contamination.[/li][li]The seats across from you are not ottomans.[/li][/ul]
One from my (thankfully gone now!) commuting days:
I know you may think so, but your reputed manhood (or at least the physical manifestation thereof) will not be physically damaged if your knees are not at least three feet apart while you’re sitting down. I’m not going to sit with my feet in the aisle to avoid having my knee touch yours just because it’s sticking six inches past the edge of my have of the seat. And trust me, the fact that my knee is pressing against yours does not mean I’m gay and trying to pick you up.
"Good morning. I am now wearing headphones, sunglasses to avoid eye contact, I have a whopping big textbook on my knees and I’m reading email. I do not want to chat!
It’s still less stressful than driving…"
Oh, I dunno… I find it’s not too relaxing to read email when I’m driving, either…
Look, I understand the convenience of combining trips.
But think about things. If you’re going to stop on the grocery store on the way back from work, consider that during rush hour space is at a premium - do not try to stock up, then, on all your groceries for the next week. FTM, the grocery stores, here, don’t close except on two days of the year - there’s no reason you have to get to the grocery store for a major shopping trip before it closes. And the buses keep running til about 1 AM. Either get just a few things, or come back later for your large load of groceries.
I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with initiating a conversation with a stranger on public transportation. I’ve met some great people that way, as both initiator and initiatee. But for Og’s sake, if you’re the initiator, learn to read a little body language. What is it about shoulders turned slightly away, eyes not meeting yours, and “hrmph” that you don’t understand, asshole?
*Do not set your suitcase or backpack (which is the size of Kansas) down flat in the doorway then sit on the middle of the steps and carry on a phone conversation, oblivious to the mass of humanity around you. Hint: The fact that people are trying to step over you is NOT the only reason they’re kicking you.
Grargh! I hate this! And the funny thing is, it’s totally different in different cities.
When I was going to school in Chicago, people were amazingly considerate. It was very unusual not to have people standing aside from the doors when the train stopped.
But now I’m in Philadelphia and I ride the subway to school every day. When the train stops, people crowd the platform outside the doors and REFUSE to let you out of the freaking train. You have to stand in the door and either elbow your way through the tide of Philadelphians or wait until everyone is comfortably on the train before you make your way off of it.
It drives me nuts. Why should the culture of these two places be so different as to make everyone nice in one city and everyone an asshole in the other?
If you are planning to take your infant on the bus, please avail yourself of a baby-carrying harness, or at least a more streamlined stroller than the 4’x3’ monstrosity that takes up the space of four adults on a cramped bus during rush hour.
I understand that mothers need to travel too, but those huge strollers are not ‘travel sized’. Think ahead a bit, yeah?
You there. Slow down. Take your time! That “walk left, stand right” sign? Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s not referring to YOU. And yes, that’s the idea, stop dead right when you get off the escalator. Can’t see any reason not to. I’m sure all those people behind you don’t mind.
That subway train? Don’t worry, it will wait for you, because you’re the only one using the transit system today. Oh, wait, what? The chimes are ringing to indicate the doors are closing? Well, pick up your pace a little, don’t worry, you can stop dead the moment you get on the train and inside the doors. Yes, just like that. Perfect! Don’t worry about the people behind you! If you’re lucky they will be crushed by the closing doors; in any event, they sure won’t be able to make it on to that train with you. Good work! And yes, you can stand right where you are for the entire duration of the journey. There’s plenty of room for all those people to squeeze past you if they want to get on or off.
Me, I’ll be over here riding my bike to work. I can’t understand people who think that public transit is the “lazy” way.
I have posted about this very thing in the past and I’m in total agreement with it. And, remember, they’re technically the ones initiating the touching. What’s up with that?
I’ll add one:
[ul][li]If you choose to stand in the doorway of the subway, whether it’s because you’re getting off soon or because you can’t move in, you still have to adjust so people can get past you at each stop, getting on and off. If you don’t, you’re going to get bowled over and elbowed like I did to you today because you simply stood there like a bovine rampart. Don’t stand there looking like you don’t know why I did it. Explain after my “Excuse me”'s[/ul][/li](I have my theories about why inner-city yutes do both of these things, having to do with insecurity and la need for attention, but that’s for another thread.)