Yes, that’s the “I do too have balls! Look! They’re right here! Aren’t they magnificent?” pose.
Oh, that was one of my other pet peeves on the subway. There are doors on both sides of the cars, because sometimes the platform is on one side and sometimes its on the other. However, on the train I rode the platform was almost always (like 10 out of 12 stops) on the same side. So why do these idiots stand in the doorway nearly everyone’s going to be using to get on and off, instead of the doorway almost no one will be using? One time a bunch of kids (early teens, I think) completely filled the entryway and made no effort to move when the train stopped, despite my loud, “EXCUSE ME!” So I just walked out the door, pushing several of them onto the platform ahead of me. I think one of them almost didn’t make it back onto the train before the door closed (not that I cared one way or another).
Which makes me think, “Let me get out my magnifying glass so I can see them.”
[ul]
[li]I do not want to be your girlfriend.[/li][li]I do not want to discuss spelunking.[/li][li]I do not want a copy of The Watchtower.[/li][/ul]
The last time I took the bus regularly, the bus stopped near a group home for developmentally disabled guys. In a midsized town in the south, conversation on the bus is pretty much a given.
I do need to throw in an anti-pit. One of the coolest bus related things I remember is from shortly after I moved here. This lady was about 70 years old and retiring from her job in state government and moving to Florida. The other passengers who had been riding with her for years threw her a little retirement party on the bus on her last day of work.
Back to the regularly scheduled vitriol.
Hey kid: nobody else can hear what’s in your headphones and your rapping sucks. Shut the fuck up.
On that note:
- Yes, yes, well done. Your cell phone can play MP3s. Congratulations. The rest of the world, however, doesn’t give a quarter shit about your five-inch boombox with a tinny half-inch speaker. Put some fucking headphones on or the only way you’ll be able to answer calls is with a bluetooth headset and a clench of your buttcheeks.
Would you believe I even saw some dude doing this with a laptop? A laptop!
Oh hell yes. It’s fine if they sit up front and fold up the handicapped seats - that’s what they’re there for, but Og’s pendulous nutsack, woman, bringing your doublewide on the bus and then sitting on the front seats, thus blocking all possible passage beyond, is just being a dumbass. Call a cab or ask the bus driver to evacuate those fold-up seats (like they’re supposed to do anyway). I kinda pit the bus drivers for this too, because there’s a sign on every bus up where the advertising goes indicating the bus rules, one of which is that the driver reserves the right to deny access to strollers if (s)he deems it too large and likely to get in passengers’ way. (It used to be that they didn’t allow strollers at all except for those compact hammocks-on-wheels sometimes, but I guess too many mothers complained that they couldn’t bring their SUVs-of-the-stroller-world on.)
If you absolutely must take those monstrosities out with you, take a freakin’ cab.
Makes me think - yikes - you might want to try a medicated cream for that.
Sadly, on the Toronto transit system there is no such rule, as far as I am aware. There is this:
But it doesn’t seem to occur to anyone that it would apply to strollers.
Seriously? 'Cause the many years I’ve been riding the trains in Chicago, this pretty much never happens on a crowded train.
My personal peeve: when exiting the train station via the escalator during rush hour, the movable stair is indeed wide enough to accomodate two columns of humans. If your ass is to lazy to go up the stairs, stand to the right. Not the middle, not the left side, next to some other lazy person, but the right. Thank you. Asshole.
After the bus has come to a complete stop, unloaded and loaded passengers and then waited through a red light, DO NOT jump up just as the bus is finally ready to move and yell indignantly at the driver to stop and let you off.
“Your eyes are so pretty.” Yes that’s going to make me swoon. :rolleyes:
Oh, to be sure, if I’m on the inside seat, and you’re on the aisle seat, I would appreciate it if you would stand up to let me out. You would appreciate it as well, because when you merely turn sideways and put your legs in the aisle? The rest of you is still in the way, darlin’! You’re guaranteed to get my big 200-pound ass wiping your face. I will not take any special measures to tuck it in, just as you have refused to move. Hope you like it. I’ll try not to fart (or will I?)
Maybe you’ll think about it next time.
Love, SeaDragon
Is it okay if I grab your butt?
Did you pay two fares? Then get your goddamn bag off the seat next to you! And if it’s the last seat on the bus, and it’s the window seat? Then yes, I will go out of my way to whack your empty fucking noggin with my backpack as I exit the bus.
I’m old-school enough that I’ll forgive this in women. But no man has to sit in the aisle seat and keep the window seat for his invisible friend.
And, I appreciate you wearing earphones. But if they are loud enough that I can hear them at the other end of the bus, they’re too fucking loud!
Well, you’re half right. That guy’s rapping sucks, but his headphones are so loud they can be heard at a distance of 15 feet, OVER the squealing and clanking of the subway and the chatter of the teenage girls next to me.
*Lady, I don’t mean to be harsh. I understand that you’re crazy. You pretty much have to be crazy to be sitting in a subway station before 5:30 a.m. every day. But could you knock off the muttered diatribes against white people and their slutty women? Most people can’t tell because of my pale skin, but I’m actually white and it makes me uncomfortable to hear what you are saying. And for your information, we don’t like the term “white.” We are Honkasian-Americans, my good madam, and we have been through too much suffering to let people like you stand in our way!
*Oh god, not you guys again. The breakdancing people. Look, it’s kind of neat the first time, but it doesn’t impress a lot of non-tourists and it gets old fast. I guess you’re expressing yourselves creatively, but jeez.
That’s changed in recent years. They used to single out strollers in the good ol’ days (being the 80s), at one time disallowing them entirely unless A) they could fold up, and B) You carried your child or seated it next to you once you’re seated, then relenting to accept strollers with children in them as long as they were small and reserving the right to refuse them if they weren’t. Now I guess the entitled moms out there complained loudly enough that they allow any old freakin’ monstrostity to rest crosswise across the aisle. During rush hour.
I’d like to believe that these things are included in the vague catch-all “other large objects,” but I’m pretty sure that even if they were unofficially considered so, no bus driver is going to risk the Wrath of Mom by refusing to let them board with their Stroller H2.
I do not have any desire to convert to your religion. I am already tired/distracted/trying to read/etc and listening to you go on and on about the wonders of God is not making my commute any more pleasant. I don’t mind when you spout your religiousosity from a corner in the subway station because I only have to listen to you for a moment. When you trap me in a subway car and give me no option but to listen to you it makes me want to smash things. I have half a desire to carry a copy of the bible with me and wait for you to start your preaching so that I can wave it at you and then tear out the pages and eat them, one by one, until your head explodes. Jerk.
Ha Ha, as long as you don’t mind the “pfffft” that will probably accompany - kind of like pulling a finger! And… as long as you don’t seem homeless or smell like pee…
They’re typically in the subway stations and not actually commuting, but I’d like to say this goes particularly for the “stress test”-offering Scientologists. Fuck 'em in the ear.
Thank you for putting my greatest peeve about public transport travel into words.