Absolutely. When I went to Ireland 25 years ago, we’d get the evil eye for not being “dressed up enough” (i.e., no hat and we wore more than a single shade and color). Back home in Spain the usual outfit was already jeans, except in those beach locations where foreigners in string bikinis have to be reminded to cover their ass for Mass.
My female cousin hated skirts so much she did her first communion in jeans. I wore an off-white new summer dress, having asked Mom whether I absolutely had to dress up as a wedding cake and received a very-relieved “no.” First Communion Masses in my parish are done at Kids’ Mass; it seems like the most dressed-up guests are the ones least likely to take Communion themselves. This is a Franciscan parish, they’re very “kumbayah;” I happened upon a First Communion Mass in a Franciscan parish in Houston and they were equally relaxed. The only people in disguise were the kids themselves (and not all) and a few guests who didn’t know any of the songs.
I’ve been to Ireland twice and I’ve seen the people coming out of churches in jeans. I was part of a group and two of the Catholics in my group went to Mass on Sun. morning dressed up and came back and said they were amazed at how many wore jeans to mass. This happened in a very small town in W. Ireland though - maybe larger towns are different.
Thanks for all the input. I may stop by a thrift store and see what I can find to wear (I can’t spend full price on an outfit I know I’ll only wear once - it simply isn’t in my budget). I don’t want to feel out of place, but I start to hate these events where I need to buy clothes I feel uncomfortable in. I want to show the parents I respect their religious ceremonies, but I really am not into them. At all. But I feel it would be ruder to flat out refuse to go to their church for this.
Again, a baptism or first communion Mass is different from a regular Sunday. Especially when you’re an invited guest.
(Oh, and for the record, not ALL communion dresses are big frilly things. I had a very simple white eyelet dress-similar to the type seen in the pictures of the Romanov Grand Duchesses.
Honestly I would say spend less of on the gifts if that the only way to get yourself into a decent pair of pants. It’s not a birthday party, showing respect for the service is more important than bringing presents. If you gave a new baby gift recently (say, the last 3 months) then I would even say just bring a card to the baptism. Also, dollar stores around here sell baptism/1st communion cards 2/$1, so there’s a few $$ right there.
But if it’s really a issue you can ring up the parents and ask what the dress code is. Maybe they’re laid back and want you to come as you are. If not, and if it’s not a close family member, I don’t think it would be rude if you didn’t go, just so long as you give notice and don’t tell them why you’re not going.
Boscibo, you’re in Wisconsin, right? My family’s not religious, but our relatives are mostly practicing Catholics, so I’ve been to a few baptisms and first communions. Clean, dark jeans, a nice top, and nice shoes are perfectly fine. You shouldn’t look out of place at all, and if you are a little less formally dressed than other people, they’ll just assume that your church does it differently. In my experience, the only people who go past nice jeans and a nice shirt for a baptism are the baby, the parents, and the godparents.
I usually end up wearing a pair of dark bootcut jeans, appropriate heels, a nice sweater (pullover or cardigan), and a pretty camisole. I’ve never gotten the stink-eye for that.
If you’re male, then just make sure your jeans are not stained or ripped, you’re not wearing sneakers, and your shirt is long-sleeved and buttoned up. No t-shirts or polo shirts.
I’m female - I stopped by a thrift store and bought a nice top and a skirt. I really prefer skirts to dress pants/slacks. I feel like I’m wearing a fast food uniform or something when I wear dress pants. I was hoping jeans would work, but I’d rather wear a skirt if not.
And wouldn’t you just know it… I bought a very nice spring-type outfit consisting of a silk, short sleeve blouse and a light, flowy skirt (I should just call it a “get-up” because that’s what I feel like I’m wearing when I dress up) and it is 35 degrees with the wind blowing about 40 MPH and it is snowing. My jeans are looking better and better all the time.
Is the first communion family Italian? If so, you may have gone to smaller weddings. Seriously. Catered receptions with DJs and bands were not uncommon for first communions among my paysan buddies in university.
Very traditional & safe secular gifts for first communions can be any item of dress accessory or jewelry that is appropriate for a 10 to 16 yr old for more formal occasions: a tie-pin or dressy looking watch for boys, more grown-up looking earrings or pendant, or a small dress purse, for girls, or a nicer leather wallet for either.
If it’s a boy, and you want to make him really happy, and are not as concerned about his parents, might I suggest a swiss-army knife with his name and the date engraved on the side? He won’t be allowed to bring it to school, but when he’s old enough to carry it in his pocket, he will treasure it. And think of you every time he uses it.
Well, I’m back. The vast majority of people were wearing jeans, or other very informal dress at this mass. i think I counted 3 people (including me) wearing anything dressier. I felt waaaayy overdressed in a skirt. But I did give the communion girl a nice locket. The baby got a bath set.