I’ve been invited to a baptism and a first communion (separate children) and I don’t know what is appropriate for gifts. Do I need to give religious themed gifts for these things? What else would be appropriate?
edited to ask: Are jeans OK for a Sat. eve mass? I really don’t have time to go shop for something churchy and I don’t have anything else suitable.
Religious gifts are fine, but not required, especially from a non-religious person. When my nephew had his First Communion, I gave him a kids book on people and places in the Bible, complete with battle scenes, I think, and he thought it was great! For a Baptism, tradition says you can give the kid some nice, silver trinket, like a cup, but any nice baby gift should be fine. Basically, I’d give the kids something similar to what you’d give them for their birthdays or Christmas, although, if it’s a girl who’s having her First Communion, a Bratz doll would probably be a bad idea.
Jeans aren’t usual for Saturday Mass; my general rule of thumb is to apply the Business Casual dress code to church services. If you’ve got a nice pair of slacks, that would be better. On the other hand, people at church should have better things to think about than how a person’s dressed, if I can sound a bit church ladyish myself.
Have a good time.
Are jeans the best you have? If so, OK.
How close are you to the parents of the kids? Close enough to ask them what would be good?
A check for the kid’s college fund is always appropriate, I think.
Money in a card is good. Bibles and other religious items are better picked out by the parents or person of the occasion who know the proper version for their faith.
I would say a check is good, or a gift card for a bookstore. Religious themed items are appropriate but mandatory only from the godparents. We sent a stained-glass angel to friends for their daughter’s baptism, and other friends’ son is going to get art supplies for his coming First Communion.
I’d agree with Business Casual; khakis and a button-down shirt are good; a tie is not necessary but you should probably take a jacket in case others are wearing them. (Are you a man?) If you’re a woman, slacks are OK, skirt is OK. If jeans are the best you have, wear them, but I wouldn’t wear a t-shirt; wear a collared shirt or nice sweater.
ETA: A friend went to a First Communion last night and there were ONE HUNDRED communicants. Be prepared.
One caution about checks is that infants don’t have accounts and seven-year-olds rarely have accounts, either. (Yeah, the parents could help open an account into which to deposit the check, but that extra effort is a bit presumptive of the check writer.) Cash is good and most card shops will have communion cards with a pocket for the cash or check.
I agree that any age-appropriate gift is fine, regardless of religious connection, (although gross-out or violent toys might raise some eyebrows). Checking with the family is a good idea, however, as I would not vouch for everyone feeling the same way.
I’ve given savings bonds for baptisms. I’m not sure if I’ll do the same for my nephew’s upcoming first communion, but I’m considering it.
At the baptisms and first communions that I have seen one gift theme was very common: Things that are meant to be kept for your whole life. A typical gift from parents or very close relatives was a classic grown-up watch. Another possibility is timeless, understated jewelry that might be religious. One of my grandmothers would always give gold coins. A more affordable option might be a nice (empty) photo album.
My religious relatives’ presents on my First Communion involved things like a picture album, a camera, a guitar (which I never learned to play properly)…
So, no, there is no rule that says the presents have to be religious in nature. You may want to ask the parents whether they have any rules/ideas, like “kid has a PSP but no Nintendo, so no Nintendo games.”
For the clothes, ask your inviter how formal it is. It depends a lot on the congregation: Franciscans are extremely informal, Jesuits look very serious but if a school is attached can whip out the guitars like nobody’s business, Augustins are dryer than sandpaper even when wet.
IF jeans are your only option, try to find a really, really nice pair. But if you have anything like cords, or khakis, I’d go with them.
For the baby, a little stuffed animal would be good, or a little cross necklace or pin to be worn when older.
A communion? Well, if it’s a girl, I’d suggest a little diary, or photo album. Again, a cross necklace or pin always works. A boy-the photo album or perhaps a little gold tiepin.
And of course, there’s always money-I think that’s what I got, mostly, along with some pretty little jewelry. (My parents gave me a pearl necklace, and my godmother, a gold bracelet.)
I agree with the cash thing. I recently collected money for a coworker whose wife gave birth and he said that he was much happier that I was too lazy to get a gift card of some sort because they much preferred putting the cash in the college fund account.
Business casual, definitely. At the very least, pick out your best pair of jeans and throw on a nice, ironed buttondown. Blazer too if you have one.
While people should also have the sense not to give you the eye for whatever you end up wearing, it’s also nice to show the parents that you care about the Event by trying to dress up some on top of attendance and gifting.
Thanks! I do have nicer clothes, but I’ve lost weight and they look awful on me. Think burlap sack. I wish I had tried stuff on earlier this week, but I live in jeans and just didn’t think about it. I see people wearing jeans come out from churches on my Sunday AM walks and thought it was OK.
I may have time to shop for clothes, but I still need to shop for gifts. Thanks for the great ideas!
For regular church days, yes. For a First Communion Mass, no. If it’s all you have, that’s okay. But if you have time, I’d at least try for a nice pair of khakis.
Has jeans at regular Sunday services become so common? I mean, I knew it was done at those weird “contemporary” services where they throw out all the good old music and sing by overhead projector, but I’m surprised to hear it’s common in general.
I mean, if it was my baby and you came in whatever you had I’d be ecstatic, I’m just surprised to hear there may be a sea change in church appropriate garb. Around here the black ladies would set you on fire if you didn’t wear pantyhose. (I mean, if you were a woman, that is.)
It’s also a factor of where you live, yeah?
I hail from Bible Belt country. Presbyterian and hardline Southern Baptist if you have to know. (and now I’m agnostic 
) Sunday-go-to-church means reeeeeallly nice clothes. People would have the vapors if you didn’t throw on the pantyhose and nice demure heels, even in +100F weather. Hats optional but not unheard of.
Here in Seattle, jeans are common at services, a fact which caused me no small degree of aghast when I emigrated. This includes attending a Mass at a really beautiful old cathedral with a friend of mine. All that gold and stained glass, and you have here in the nave a bunch of people in jeans and such, and casual Sunday-go-to-church.
Weeeeeeird. Yeah, I haven’t been to church for anything but Christmas with the folks for years, which is casual meaning you can wear very nice pants, but I think that would freak me out a little bit. Jeans.
Clean unripped jeans and a collared shirt are common place at every church I attend in Chicago, and I bounce around a lot. Not everyone will wear this, of course, but it wouldn’t be out of place. (To clarify I am talking about Catholic churches, which from what I gather are more informal than other denominations WRT dress.)
But those in attendance for a baptism usually are in business casual, even in the regular mass crowd is in jeans and a polo. Honestly, if it wouldn’t break the bank I would do the gift shopping at Kohls or Sears and pick up a pair of khakis on the way out the door.
I recall receiving a beautiful rosary from my godmother and a book about St Joan of Arc from my godfather for first communion. The remainder of the gifts tended to be savings bonds, cash and books. But then again, that was nearly forty years ago.
Usually, now, I give cash, savings bonds or a book store gift card unless I know of something better.
As far as attire goes, I’m with the rest of the folks saying business casual at the least.
Have fun!