“You got a zit on your chin.”
“It’s not a zit, it’s apostle.”
My karma ran over your dogma.
A little OT, but a friend texted me about the morning minyan today, and it got autocorrected to minion. I thought of 10 little yellow guys in yarmulkes and talliot, davening. [/hijack]
Taoist: A resident of New Mexico who lives roughly 100 miles northeast of Albuquerque.
That is freaking hilarious.
The first time I ever schismed I was twelve and in the bathroom.
Reincarnation: Saving an old boutonniere to use at another formal occasion
That one cracked me up! :D:D:D
Pentecost: Bic pricing.
Example: 6 dollars? Who would have expected that ballpoint pentecost so much?
Thank you, Biotop, for reminding me that contextual sentences help.
Thor: When thumpthing feelz painful.
Loki: subtle or unobtrusive – they tried to keep their romance loki
Ragnarok: A modernized form of Indian music – a Raga played on electric instruments with heavy drumming
Confucian: a state of disarray and uncertainty – …said the joker to the thief; there’s too mch confucian; I can’t get no relief"
Falun Gong: After last night’s windstorm, we notice there was a Falun Gong outside the temple gate
Shin-To: some body parts near the ankle and foot
Jinja: Easy to find all over Japan, it’s the pickled pink stuff included in a box of sushi
Patron: a brand of tequila
Mahayana: Maha means ‘great’ and this form of Buddhism really puts you to sleep…
Zen: Not now but in a predicted future; the second component of a programmed IF… workflow
Resurrection: A second attempt at an insurrection.
[Why do these silly ideas keep coming to me late at night?]
–G!
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Galations: Lesbian Sex
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Isaiah: Follow what I preach. In other words, do as Isaiah, not as I do-a.
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Ezekial: Like shooting fish in a barrel.
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Nehemiah: It’s in the middle of Myah’s leg.
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Beatitudes: Whether you get stung or not probably depends on them.
Genesis: Your biologically-related sister.
Continuing the bible books theme - you have to mangle the pronunciation a bit for these…
Proverbs: in favour of action words.
Acts: chops down trees.
Leviticus: jeans manufacturer takes attendance.
Hebrews: man makes beer.
Revelation: the joy of high engine speeds.
Matthew: “Matt, you wanna chop that tree down?”
Mark: What your teachers did to your tests and exams.
Luke: Somebody attempting to type “Like,” but a typo ensued.
John: It’s at the end of the hall, and on your left.
I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still,
Da Deuteronomy, Da Deuteronomy.
Religious - genuinely igious.
Shalom: An Olympic event. I’m going to shalom down the course.
Har Shalom: A place to get your hair done. I just found a new har shalom near work.
(Yes, that happened to me. I was in the car going someplace, and out of the corner of my eye I saw what I thought said “hair salon”. I thought “Hm. A hair salon. But that’s a really unimaginative name for a hair salon. And it has a blue Magen David on it… waaaait a minute.”)
“Holy frijoles, Manuel!”
“You don’t know beans about religion, Jesús!”