Reluctant Pack Leader (my 2 dogs)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

After a year of having 1 dog, we went ahead and adopted a 2nd Border Collie. Wonderful dog, no real complaints. I apparently had forgotten how lovable I am to dogs. These 2 dogs are constantly around me, underfoot, etc. My wife is the only other person in the house, as a rule the dogs are around me all the time. I never get a moment off unless I’m away from the house. I just want some peace once in a while. Why am I the pack leader? Why does my wife get all the enjoyment of having 2 dogs but little of the pressure? Kinda like a comedian who has to be on all the time. Just want a little peace without having to leave my house.

This morning I’m in the front room watching TV, she is in bedroom getting ready for work. They would not go back to visit with her. Always on me to amuse/lead them. My wife sleeps nearest the bedroom door, where do the dogs sleep? Of course next to my side of the bed. So much for protecting the household.

Is there any way to get them to even out the attention without beating them? They are head strong dogs, I’ve had Border Collies for years, I apparently have an awful memory and had forgotten how they will glom on to the pack leader. I’m going to put up with whatever I need to, they are my dogs, but if there is a way to divert their attention from me and onto my wife, that would be a godsend.

2

Who feeds the dogs? Who walks them? If you do these things, get your wife to replace you for a couple of weeks (expecially with the food). I don’t have a huge amount of experience with border collies, but what I do know is that they tend to be task rather than food oriented so you may need to get her involved with whatever they do for work or play.

Good luck!

3

Similar situation in my household. I’ve had a Yellow Lab long before I met my wife, and he has always been my dog. Last year she wanted a lap dog, and we rescued a Chiweenie (1/2 Chihuahua, 1/2 Dachshund- a designer breed and she taken from horrible breeding conditions). At first, Maggie would sleep on my wife all day, and follow both of us around, but… it soon became apparent that I was her alpha/pack leader, just as I am for my Lab. Maybe this is because I feed them, maybe this is because I take them for walks by myself (my wife will not walk both alone), maybe it is because I work teaching three days a week, and am home writing the other two and thus she just has more time spent with me. Maybe she accepts me as alpha because I set her limits (only a sharp word- “Maggie, NO.” and she drops like you shot her!) Maybe it’s because the Lab already accepts his status, and our pack dynamic was already set.

We both spoil them rotten, we both adore both of them, and she is loved and cared for like one of the family (because she IS a member of our family).

Which one of these factors is why both dogs are always where I am, why I’ll have a lab curled up beside me and Maggie on my lap every night, and not with my wife? Maybe all of them, maybe some of them, maybe it’s just that they prefer me over her. Animals have personalities and preferences, too.

What to do? I agree with the previous poster, have her do more feedings, more walks solo, more fun time, more discipline (dogs, like toddlers, need, even crave, limits). But it could be that there isn’t much you can do to even it out at all; now that I think about our own situation here, It occurs to me that I am far more attentive to the dogs’ needs and their attepts at communication. I know when they need to go outside, when they want to play, when they want comfort, when they want treats. Their little whines, looks, yips and ways of annoying you mean something to me; to my wife they may as well be speaking sanskrit. She’ll look at me every now and then and ask “how did you know that’s what they wanted?” I don’t know, but I do, with amazing accuracy. I’m just more of a dog person then my wife, and dogs pick up on that.

You could alwys get her to carry raw liver in her pockets :wink:

4

If you’re the alpha, you can insist on the dogs giving you personal space as necessary. A ‘go lie down’ command might be useful.

I knew a golden retriever who would try to get attention from people who were on the computer by sticking her nose between their elbow and side. Her owners started putting their hands on their head so she couldn’t continue the game. She’d get bored after a couple of minutes and wander away. It eventually became an effective ‘go play somewhere else’ signal for her - put one hand on your head while studiously ignoring her and she’d leave the room and go find a toy to chew on. It was entirely unintentional, but boy did that make life easier!

5

Dogs don’t just react to the owner, but also the status of individuals within a household.

If they perceive that a person is the head of the household, then hats where their pack instincts will direct them.

This looks like an animal comment on the human world, despite what we might protest about ourselves and equality.

6

In my experience, the person who feeds the dogs ends up being the one the dogs attach to strongest. I definitely think that having someone else take over feeding is a good idea if you want to try to get them to be less dependent on you.

7

Mine is at my feet staring at me right now in case I happen to suddenly do anything.

She’s so adorable- she has sad eyes and a noble snout.

8

Dude, they’re Border Collies. You’re not the pack leader, they just think you’re a sheep.

9

I can’t help much except to say I feel your pain. We have two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, and I sometimes liken them to the “daemons” in Philip Pullman’s Northern Lights series … if they are more than a few feet away from their humans, it starts to physically hurt them and they must must MUST get closer.

Historically, they have been reasonably obedient to me and my husband, but not so much to our son. I have noticed that, as my son enters adolescence and gets taller/deeper-voiced, they seem to be more willing to obey him now. So tell your wife to wear high heels and drop her voice an octave or two. :slight_smile:

10

This has nothing to do with pack leaders, but what color(s) are they?*

*we used to have Cavaliers and I am trying to resist getting a black and tan.

11

They both have Blenheim markings (orange and white), with a “kissing spot.” Cute!