Requirements to be a gay male

[WeRSauron]

It seems, from many sources, that the following are requirements to be a gay male:

1. Good-looking
2. Short hair
3. Good fashion sense
4. Not old-looking

Any others?

WRS

[Ephemera]

Being male and being attracted to men.

[racinchikki]

Ooh, don’t forget the lisp! You can’t be gay unless you have the lisp! And you can’t have the lisp unless you’re gay! It’s like in the Big Gay Rulebook or something. Three pages after the instructions on how to get your toaster.

[vanilla]

Aesiron stole my answer.

Thats another one of the signs.

[Shagnasty]

Hangs out in trendy bars
Innate ability at home decoration
Enthusiast of theater, art, and fashion
Flaunts his flamboyant manner when he walks into a room

Of course these stereotypes only apply to a subset a male homosexuals. A boss that I once had was as gay as the night is dark but hated these “nancy boys” as he called them worse than any redneck could. He didn’t fit any of these traits except for a love of theater.

[WeRSauron]

@Aesiron

Being male and being attracted to men.

Bah. Anyone can tell if a male is a male, but no can tell if he is attracted to men. That’s a tautology, anyway.

Ah, Shagnasty spake well.

X. Likes theatre
X+1. A fan of musicals and showtunes
X+2. A fan of art (music, poetry, literature, drama, opera, movies, etc.)
X+3. A Democrat*

According to Rule 3 of Appendix IV of the Gay Agenda: “Republicans are henceforth and forever barred from being gay men upon the penalty of being forced to wear shades and stiffling black suits for all eternity.”*

**According to Appendix A of Rule 3 of Appendix IV of the Gay Agenda: “All gay men are required to feign ignorance and/or loss of hearing or senses upon hearing the words ‘Log Cabin Republicans’ or any reference thereunto in any manner whatsoever. Such an institution does not exist in our galaxy, and we must banish any vestige thereof should any arise.”

Teeheehee. This is fun.

WRS

[dry_gear]

Exaggerated feminine gestures, like Chris Lowell. (does the fact that I like to make fun of him make me a bad person?)

Hitting on any guys in the most obnoxious ways. And not stopping when the guy is annoyed.

[matt_mcl]

sigh

You know, I didn’t get any of the useful stereotypes. No perfect apartments, amazing fashion sense, or cooking to die for for me. Oh no. I only got the gay stereotypes that make people hate me: shrill, weird, p.c., campy, and femme.

I need a Queer Eye for the Queer Guy, is what I need.

[John_Carter_of_Mars]

By** WeRSauron**: “Bah. Anyone can tell if a male is a male, but no can tell if he is attracted to men. That’s a tautology, anyway.”

Um, Dude: You asked for requirements, not indicators, of the state. I’d say being a male and being attracted to other males is the sole requirement.

[RandMcnally]

@Aesiron

Being male and being attracted to men.

I’m going to have to agree with Aesiron. I have most of the qualities, but I’m lacking that very important being “attracted to other men quality,” and without that, nothing else really matters.

[matt_mcl]

@matt_mcl

I only got the gay stereotypes that make people hate me: shrill, weird, p.c., campy, and femme.

Oh yeah: I left out “slutty” and “non-monogamous.”

[Mockingbird]

You forgot the ability to suck the chrome off a bumper at fifty paces.

Or is that just me?

[matt_mcl]

I’m not into cars.

[Mockingbird]

@matt_mcl

I’m not into cars.

Then you can dechrome bicycle fenders as my apprentice, bitch.

I mean bitch in the nicest, friendliest way.

[Sami41]

@racinchikki

Ooh, don’t forget the lisp! You can’t be gay unless you have the lisp! And you can’t have the lisp unless you’re gay! It’s like in the Big Gay Rulebook or something. Three pages after the instructions on how to get your toaster.

What is the lisp about anyway? You’re right, many gay men have this lisp. Does it go with being gay (biologically)? I ask because I know many gay men who don’'t have the lisp. Outside of that, they’re just as “gay.” Conversely, I’ve known men with the ‘gay’ lisp that are straight…and not all too happy with being thought of as gay. But, the lispers are predominatly gay, and the ‘gays’ predominatly have ‘the lisp.’

For the record, at least around here, gay men without the lisp are “homosexuals,” whereas gay men with the lisp are “Flamers,” and certainly more discriminated against.

[stpauler]

So this is what passes as Straight Dope fodder now?[sarcasm] I hope we can tackle the negroes next[/sarcasm]. :rolleyes:

[SolGrundy]

@Sami41

For the record, at least around here, gay men without the lisp are “homosexuals,” whereas gay men with the lisp are “Flamers,” and certainly more discriminated against.

Good you can see the distinction. Why don’t y’all save yourselves the trouble and just call us all “faggots?” Seems a lot simpler.

@stpauler

So this is what passes as Straight Dope fodder now?[sarcasm] I hope we can tackle the negroes next[/sarcasm]. :rolleyes:

Careful, stpauler. You don’t want to be seen as humorless or – even worse – angry at seeing the same old shit trotted out for the millionth time.

[smartini]

Enjoying a good manicure should be on the list. I once mentioned an appointment my daughter and I had for mani/pedis to a gay friend…he said “O yuck”… my daughter threatened to take his gay card away.

matt …good idea for “Queer eye for the queer guy”… go for it!

[imthjckaz]

@matt_mcl

Oh yeah: I left out “slutty” and “non-monogamous.”

@Mockingbird

You forgot the ability to suck the chrome off a bumper at fifty paces.
Or is that just me?

@matt_mcl

I’m not into cars.

@Mockingbird

Then you can dechrome bicycle fenders as my apprentice, bitch.

I mean bitch in the nicest, friendliest way.

Hey, don’t you guys turn this into a flirt thread.

[scott_evil]

Before it comes up, body shaving/waxing/etc. is on its way out. Even Fugues, the local gay guide, hinted at the new “some body hair = OK, so show it off” trend in its Pride edition.