Rereading my old notes

Hmmm. I hope this thread doesn’t get locked or deleted (that would be pretty pathetic if it did) but I’m moving out of my apartment for a week.

As some of you know I used to be mentally ill. I’m also genetically prone to depression. In dec of 2000 I realized I was mentally ill and spent the next year seriously suicidal (most of 2001). I wrote several suicide notes in spring of 2001 and decided to keep them in a ziploc bag that I just found in my closet.

Its like someone else wrote them, I can’t even being to relate to the type of mindset or mentality that would cause me to write those things. I even feel a little uncomfortable saying it was me who wrote them. I know I wrote them, its just that due to various things I’ve changed so much over the last few years that I really can’t even being to relate to these things.

In case anyone wonders here is what happened. I used to be delusionally mentally ill from dec 1996 to dec 2000. When I realized I was mentally Ill I became very suicidal. In fall of 2001 I signed up for college, moved out of my hometown in late 2002 (that was a big improvement for me) changed majors in dec of 2003 and have been doing my new major ever since. The biggest turnaround in my mood came in early 2004 when I realized that my depression was keeping me down so I started practicing nutritional therapy for depression (methyl donors, phenylalanine, essential fatty acids, b vitamins, etc). That made massive improvements, so did adding regular exercise, meditation and cognitive reframing tools to my outlook on life. I’m not interested in sympathy or anything, I just felt the urge to post it and what better place to talk about this than the same message board filled with total strangers that I make fart jokes on.

Does anyone else have stories of massive mental changes for the better? I know I can’t be the only person with a story like this

That’s fantastic. That you made a turnaround of that magnitude in such a relatively short time is amazing and, really, inspirational.

I slid slowly into a fairly minor depression about three years ago. I tried doing the things one is supposed to do to fight it. I improved my diet, started getting regular exercise, learned yoga, and tried to keep myself occupied in a useful manner. I ended up losing weight and getting into great shape, and I got involved in a lot of worthy causes. I also got more depressed.

Early this year, I finally broke down and told my doctor what had been going on. Although I was leery of taking drugs, I knew I had to try something more than what I’d been doing. He put me on a low dose of an SSRI, and over the course of the first month taking it, I realized that I was becoming more able to deal with things. I wasn’t staying up at night worrying anymore, and I was able to tackle projects without as much anxiety. It’s not a miracle cure, but it gave me just enough of a boost that I could get back to normal.

Here’s to mental health!