In another thread, I mention that I feel you could improve any show with the addition of Klingons to the cast. I love Klingons. They’re hilarious.
The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced I am correct. Consider:
THE CBS EVENING NEWS NOW:
BOB SHIEFFER: Hello, I’m Bob Shieffer, and welcome to the CBS Evening News. Controversy over President Bush’s Supreme Court choice of Harriet Miers continues today. Here’s Wyatt Andrews with a report.
WYATT: Thanks, Bob. Today, Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy expressed concern over Miers’s lack of judicial experience. Kennedy called upon the Bush administration to further clarify why Miers was selected over candidates with more experience…
THE CBS EVENING NEWS WITH MORE KLINGONS:
BOB SHIEFFER: Hello, I’m Bob Shieffer, and welcome to the CBS Evening News. Controversy over President Bush’s Supreme Court choice of Harriet Miers continues today. Here’s Commander Korj with a report.
KORJ: I am Korj, son of Golkuk! What do you want?
BOB: Uh, Korj, we…
KORJ: Ah, yes, the report! Today, Ted Kennedy, who is fat and soft and mewls like a woman, insulted George, son of George, and his minions. Bush is cowardly and has no honor, and so he did not kill the fat man as a true Klingon would!
Your favourite dramatic series would change quite a bit as well:
CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION NOW:
GIL GRISSOM: Catherine, do we have any leads on the Nicholson case?
CATHERINE WILLOWS: I asked Greg to run this DNA sample. Greg, what did you find?
GREG SANDERS: Well, the DNA matches the boyfriend.
GRISSOM: So maybe he did it.
WARRICK BROWN: But the fingerprints I lifted from the shot glass didn’t match him. They matched her accountant.
GRISSOM: We need more evidence!
CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION WITH MORE KLINGONS:
GIL GRISSOM: Catherine, do we have any leads on the Nicholson case?
CATHERINE WILLOWS: I asked Tor’eff to run this DNA sample. Tor’eff, what did you find?
TOR’EFF, SON OF GUTT: The DNA did not match the boyfriend, but I found that the perpertrator is a dishonorable coward who smells like rancid g’agh!
GIL: Who’re you? Where is Greg?
TOR’EFF: You speak of Sanders. He was weak, and I slayed him and took over the trace lab!
GIL: Damn these staffing changes. Warrick, what did you find?
WARRICK: The prints I lifted from the shot glass don’t match our perp.
TOR’EFF: Fool! You did not try hard enough, fingerprint-man!
SARA SIDLE: Back off, you smelly ass.
TOR’EFF: (Squinting at Sara.) You are confrontational and you do not respect authority. (Points at Sara) She would make an excellent Klingon!
Of course, comedy would also change for the better:
EVERYONE LOVES RAYMOND NOW:
DEBORAH: Rayyyyyyy, you never help around the house. You never help with the kids. All you do is play golf, and work to support us in a comfortable lifestyle.
RAY: Uh, uh, uh, ummm, uhhh, uhhhh.
(Door opens. Ray’s parents and idiot brother lurch in.)
MARIE: Deborah, here’s a list of ways you’re a bad mother.
DEBORAH: Ray, say something!
RAY: Uhhh, uh, ummm, uhhh.
FRANK: I want food! I hate my wife!
ROBERT: Eeeeeverybody loves Raymond.
EVERYONE LOVES RAYMOND WITH MORE KLINGONS:
DEBORAH: Rayyyyyyy, you never help around the house. You never help with the kids. All you do is play golf, and work to support us in a comfortable lifestyle.
RAY: Uh, uh, uh, ummm, uhhh, uhhhh.
(Door opens. Ray’s parents walk in, as does his new brother, a Klingon - Ronoss, Son of Frank.)
RONOSS: What is this whining I hear?
DEBORAH: Ray never…
(Ronek pulls out a disruptor pistol and vaporizes Deborah.)
DEBORAH: AIIIIEEEEEEE
RAY: Huh, heh heh, uhhh, ummmm, now that Deborah’s dead who’s going to cook dinner?
(Ronoss pulls out a bat’leth and chops Ray’s head off. It bounces out of the living room and rolls into the kitchen.)
MARIE: I guess I can put this list away.
FRANK: Wow!
RONOSS: Everyone who loved Raymond had no honor!