I think I went through quite a few changes over the years, mostly prompted by my relative lack of success financially and socially - I was always broke and had no friends and kept going from job to job without getting anywhere. I used to have a whole belief system about things, but then I gave it up - it wasn’t meshing well with reality. I get along much better with people now, but for me the changes in what I feel or want or want to be seem to never end. And I often feel that people want consistency in others, as in people who do x always do y and want z; but I’m kind of all over the place. For example I spend little money on anything and live below my means, but I would buy a thousand dollar watch if I wanted it even though its impractical. People around me would probably say “you live like a poor person - I thought you were one of those hippie non materialist types that shuns status symbols blah blahs blah” but you know I just sort of do what I want as long as my SO allows it and its not hurting anyone.
Wow! Blast from the past! Good to see you here:) You have to be nearly through your dental doctorate by now?!? How are things going?
Interesting point. I know a “militant” atheist who is more dogmatic and preachy than most of the Christians I know. Most of the Christians see their lives as their message and don’t typically get in people’s faces, handing out tracts, etc. The atheist seems to think it is appropriate to go around and pester people in order to convince them to renounce their religion and join the ranks of atheists. If you don’t agree with him, you must need more education as to why <pick a religion> is obviously not true and he is more than happy to quote Dawkins at you until you hit him with a stick.
Oh, and congrats <3 to the OP.
Does your “militant” atheist go door-to-door trying to convert people? Does he stand in the park yelling at people that there is no Hell? Does he stage protests outside of churches during services? Does he publish pamphlets or run websites calling for the death of any particular religionist?
Do you know the difference between “militant” and “strident”?
I don’t have specific suggestions, but rather something to watch out for.
When I was a child, EVERYTHING was about God. My entire life was based on our faith, and that was what life meant.
When I finally was abused past the point of cognitive dissonance and realized that much of what I believed was simply a tool to keep me and others obedient and subordinant, I was furious.
What I had a hard time admitting, was that I was also mourning. My whole childhood, my family relationships, my reasons for living, my concept of humanity and the afterlife - I lost everything that I thought made me ME - and as much as it all infuriated me, I missed the structure and the certainty of who I was and what the point of everything was.
It took me a long time to get past feeling adrift and purposeless and abandoned. Keep any eye on your guy, and make sure he knows that you think he’s a good person even without that external moral compass, and that you have faith in him that he’ll get through this and be a stronger person. He may not even consciously feel that way, but it won’t hurt, and could be a lifeline. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but if my friends hadn’t gone out of their way to make me feel purposeful and needed and loved, I would have been dead before I finished college.
I’ve run into a couple of those. They come from the kind of backgrounds the OP describes - raving fundamentalist religious loonies. They’ve broken away from the actual belief system, but the underlying pattern is still ingrained: the way to live within a belief system is by trying to force others to believe in it too, because you are RIGHT and anyone who doesn’t agree with you is WRONG WRONG WRONG and must be FORCED to face the TRUTH!!! IME, the atheists and agnostics who come from atheist or agnostic backgrounds, or from more moderately religious ones, aren’t like that at all.
One of the big shifts for him might be focusing on the way he lives his life, rather than on the ways other people live theirs. I gather he’s coming from a background where a) you’re told what’s right and wrong, rather than having to figure it out yourself, and b) you have the right to decide what’s right and wrong for everyone else. Without an externally imposed moral compass, both of those change.
Here is a link to Dan Barker’s book “Godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists” http://www.amazon.ca/Godless-Evangelical-Preacher-Americas-Atheists/dp/1569756775/ref=pd_sim_b_4
And a similar book by Jerry DeWitt, “Hope after Faith: An Ex-Pastor’s Journey from Belief to Atheism” http://www.amazon.ca/Hope-after-Faith-Ex-Pastors-Journey/dp/0306822245/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Even though your SO is not a pastor or whatnot, he may find their takes interesting.
Here is Richard Dawkins’ television version of his book “The God Delusion” YouTube
and video of a talk called “The Clash Between Faith and Reason” by Sam Harris http://fora.tv/2007/07/04/Clash_Between_Faith_and_Reason
Here is a bunch of ‘coming out’ stories- he may relate to some and/or see how friends and family might react: http://www.reddit.com/r/AtheismComingOut
A difference of degree, but they’re both obnoxious. A lot of guys would hold off on pedantic nitpicking in a thread like this because it doesn’t move the discussion forward or help the OP. Could even be seen as a potential hijack as one grinds his axe.
Another vote for the OP’s SO to find another hobby. Stay away from Al-Anon because it’s all about the Higher Power, which most members interpret as Jesus. And it’s a good way to meet very vulnerable members of ones preferred gender, which could cause problems.
I would also like to second (I guess third) this idea.
When I tell people that my son has a bachelor’s degree in religion, I quickly add that he’s just as big of a heathen as I am…he merely found the study of religion (all of them, in fact) to be interesting and enlightening.
As a result (and not that he goes out of his way to do this with anyone unless they’re truly being obnoxious), he can tell fundy Christians how their entire understanding of “what the Bible says” is flawed, because he knows its origins. He can tell them that a supposed unchangeable belief in fact changed many times over the centuries. He can tell them about Christianity’s borrowing from other religions that are anathema to a fundamentalist. He can tell him that the idea of interpreting everything the Bible says literally is, by and large, less than 100 years old.
It is, of course, vital to fundamental belief that one asks as few questions as possible. Going the opposite direction can be quite revealing.
There is a resource for a newly minted agnostic: your own spiritual realm.
It sounds like your husband is used to being told what to believe, and I would worry that he finds a new “Christianity,” even in agnostic or atheistic form.
Read some philosophy. Discover your own meaning to life. These are the challenges of free thinking.