My father passed away last Saturday after several years of being ill with Alzheimer’s, diabetes and heart problems. As hard as it was to see him go, I am glad that he is at peace now. I am also glad for all those weekends I went to see him over the past five years. See, I live two and a half hours away from my parents and family. I spent a lot of weekends going up there to see about the folks and to spend time with my father, especially since he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. To me it was important that I held onto who he was as long as possible. Fortunately, Alzhheimer’s didn’t totally get him in the end. It was his heart that finally gave out.
Dad was in the hospital at Emory University in Atlanta, GA for some surgery on his lungs. One of the problems that he faced was a fluid buildup in his left lung. He had had fluid drawn from his left lung at least twice a month for the last four years. However, his doctor in my hometown felt it best that he have the surgery to clear his left lung hoping that that would stop the build up. We knew at the time the had a 40 - 50 percent chance of not surviving the surgery, but that he wouldn’t survive with this continual fluid buildup either. He came through the surgery fine, but given the possibility of complications following surgery, he didn’t make it. He had a massive heart attack the day after the surgery and was in intensive care for four days. Last Saturday morning his doctor spoke with my mom, my sister and me and told us that his heart was functioning at 10 percent, his kidneys had ceased to function and that there was minimal brainwave functioning. Dad never wanted to be kept alive artificially, so the decision was made to let him go in peace. He died surrounded by my mother, my sister, my brothers, my nieces and nephew and me. May God rest his soul.
He was a great dad. We fought. We argued. We had big differences. But yet, he loved me. Loved me even when I told him that I’m gay. My conservative father accepted me for who I was, not for who he might have wanted me to be. That’s a great dad. All he wanted is for me to be happy and have a good life.
Mom and dad were married for almost 58 years. My mom is a rock. She looked after my dad through almost 10 years of illness. I spoke with their primary doctor last Monday by phone. He said to me that dad had the very best caregiver in my mother. He told me he was constantly amazed at her devotion in making sure that he ate what he needed, took medications he needed and in her willingness to put up with doctors, hospitilizations and so forth. Mom’s last words to dad were, “It’s time for you to go. We had a good life. We raised five great kids and had a great marriage. I love you.” Her exact words. We wrote them down so that we could remember them.
Goodbye dad. Thanks for being a great father. I love you now and forever.
oh, swampbear, I’m so glad that you had a such a wonderful father. I’m glad he went the way he did- surrounded by his loving family. And your mother’s last words to him having me dripping tears on the keyboard.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. It’s hard to see someone you love go downhill. I just recently lost both of my in-laws and they were married 58yrs. It is so tough. I never spoke about it in a thread before because it is just too hurtful. This quote is from Robert Louis Stevenson, my husband ended his dad’s eulogy with it.
He sounds like he was a terrific father, and I know, having met you, that he raised a terrific son. What a blessing that you had the time you did with him.
My condolonces Swampbear. I’ll send good thoughts your way, and prayers. Hope you find some peace, and eventually heal. Take care of yourself, and don’t overextend. Greif takes lots of energy.
My sincere condolences. I was at my father’s bedside with my four siblings and my mother when my father died of lung cancer. Like yours, it was a bittersweet monment, saying goodbye to someone who loved us all, but glad he was no longer suffering. A loving father is one of life’s great treasures.
My condolences to you and the rest of your family. Having lost my dad, I truly do feel for all those who have lost a beloved parent. It sounds like your dad lived life fully, with a strong family that will carry on his legacy.
You are very lucky to have someone as great as that man in your life. Add to that what is an incredible mother as well… Blessed be my friend, and may your father rest well.
Losing a loved one is a deep sadness. My thoughts go out to you. My father passed in December. He was a good man and a good father. Sending warm thoughts your way.