Restaurant Rules to Live By

Ditto here. We moved across town, and started checking out all the local hole in the wall Chinese take-out places close by. The third one we tried had the most adorable little girl (maybe 10?) taking people’s orders and payments. We looked over the counter and a teenage boy and an ancient old lady were arguing over a set of steaming woks, and there were homework papers on one of the dining-room tables, and a baby-chair off to the side.

My husband and I just looked at each other and grinned like idiots.

We eat there ALL the time - it’s fantastic.

Look for a restaurant with local business vehicles in the parking lot - things like cable companies, florists, plumbers, lawn and pool services, etc. These are people who know the area and eat in restaurants on a regular basis. They know where the best meals are.

When I was living in Japan I noticed that corn dogs are known as “American dogs” there…but I never had one and have no idea if they actually taste like American corn dogs.

I tried an “American burger” in a Belgian frituur. I don’t know what the hell was in it, but I don’t think beef was high on the ingredient list. Serves me right for violating my own rule. I have to admit that a hot dog in Marseilles isn’t bad. The sausage is kind of odd-looking, but they stuff a bunch of fries into the sandwich, which makes it edible.

So far, I’ve never seen a sushi place west of the Mississippi mix up wasabi and horseradish.

Cue Deep South accent.

Sorry mister. We don’t got no we saw bee. But we got’s some katsup. Or how’s about some Tea bass co sauce?

Superhal’s Tips for Reading Customers:

  1. Fat people go to places with large portions.
  2. Thin people go to places with good salads.
  3. Tourists go to places with food that looks good or is famous in some way.
  4. College students go to places with cheap food and/or let you sit around without spending a lot of money.
  5. Elementary school children go to places that serve garbage with sugar on it.
  6. Retirees go to places with discounts for the elderly.
  7. Single guys go to places where the grease is inversely proportional to the amount of clothes the servers wear.

Generally all true. But I think you missed on #5.

  1. Elementary school children go to places that offer the best promotional toys.

You can come by my place if you’re in the neighborhood. I believe I make the best spam musubi in Atlantic Canada. Hell, possibly all of Canada. I’d say the Continental US, except I have a niece in Boston who may give me a run for the money.

Are you sure about that? Most wasabi I’ve ever seen in North America and Hawaii was in fact green-colored horseradish paste.

Indeed, I’ve never seen Japanese wasabi in any sushi place I’ve been to, including some mighty fine sushi places.

On a similar note, in the rural Midwest at noon look for the place with the dirty pick-up trucks parked outside. The trucks belong to the local farmers and they, of all people, know good food at a good price. They are eating out because the wives have regular jobs.

I distinctly remember reading a book by food writers Jane and Michael Stern, who travelled to every state looking for memorable regional specialties, and when they got to Utah, they were hard pressed to recommend ANY restaurant at all. They did mention a bakery selling things made with honey (Utah is the Beehive State) and…that was it. This is because of the Mormons peculiar diet restrictions and the fact that because of their huge families, they tend to stay home and cook.

When we went to Niagara Falls a few years ago we stayed at a rather expensive hotel, and there were busloads of Japanese tourists staying there. The buffet restaurant there was dimly lit, and much to our surprise, many of the items on the serving table were dishes made from imitation crab. I forgot what the big center dish was made to resemble, but it was imitation crab. I LIKE imitation crab but I never saw so MUCH of it in once place.

From Dumb & Dumber. Don’t ask the waitress what the soup du jour is. Instead, ask what the soup of the day is, or what soups are served.

Stern’s Rules Of the Road! Great book!

The full quote, and one of my favorites, from Nelson Algren:

Where are you located?
In Chicago Mitsua has fresh wasbi root.

I’ll give you the stay home and cook part. Mormons are notoriously cheap. But the diet restrictions? Since when does good food require alcohol and coffee? The predilection for bad casseroles and potatoes is a preference. Not a diet restriction. :wink:

Which is why, if you are to believe the commercial, you should eat at Wendy’s.

Cool, but that’s a long way to drive for wasabi :). I’m in NC.